18:26. All stations to Uxbridge
Hello hello, and a massive happy Diwali to you all! Hope you are all having delightful days and looking forward to the New Year. I'm going to work tomorrow as we don't have a kitchen, but it is coming...honest.
So long time people, but yes here we are. The muchi has come back and nearly back to normal. Preeti wasn't keen on me looking SO MUCH younger than her, and people stopping us in the street to ask how old 'her son' was...
Tube is busy for a Diwali day, so standing up at the mo...
Don't know about you guys but we have stopped doing Diwali cards now, just do FB and txt. It's so much easier (cheaper)...thinking of culling my friends list again to just people that liked my Diwali status. No pressure peeps...no pressure.
Yesterday I took the day off to go to a funeral of one of the neighbours who died when he was hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a great service...
Lets have a look to see what we have today...
Nothing much to report, quite normal looking people today. A lady has got on at Baker Street with a Hamleys 'The finest toy shop in the world' bag. Can't make out what it is yet, but will keep you informed.
There is also a lady who is about 7 foot tall, has similar red shoes to those worn by Dorothy in the WIzard of Oz. Will let you know if she clicks them together...
What else...
Oh yeah, my Doctor gave me some bad news last week. He said I had ADH-something or other, I wasn't really listening...
Went to see Skyfall with Preeti and Rajvi on Saturday and we went to the 9pm showing. What can I say (spoiler alert)... It was ok, but not how I remember chicken licken as a child. seriously it's good, lots of action, one liners and London looks lovely. Goes on a bit though that could be seen as value for money...shame Bond dies in the end...
At Finchley road and the tube gets a bit emptier...
Headline today is 'Sailor's plot to betray Britain'...err harram. This is the story of a chap who tried to pass nuclear codes to Russians..who were really just MI5. Did he not watch bond movies??
Also a story about Abdul Qatada...hmm should have tried harder...
And with that, lets call it a day...ahem.
Have a lovely Diwali sleep,
A small man called Kawks.
Tuesday 13 November 2012
Tuesday 30 October 2012
Tuesday 30th October 2012 - The Journey Home
18:26 All stations to Uxbridge
Long time, long time people, but yes, felt like doing a little blog today.
It's like nothing has changed! Tube is packed and I'm balancing under someone armpit. Nice...
So, where to start? Probably with the bloke with shit headphones next to me who is playing some clubby type music. Doesn't he know this is the Met line and we only play bhajans?
Apologies for the swear word there folks but I can't stand people that use alternative words to avoid offending others. It gets right on my mammary glands...
Headline today is about the storm in New York. Looks like Christmas has started early there as I can see some trees in the shops. Boom, we are back!
What if that Gangnam Style was actually a giant rain dance and they brought this hurricane on themselves?
Missed me huh...ahhh
There is an advert on the tube about 'the new king of the ereaders' something called Nook! Woah never heard of it, maybe it's been hiding in a cranny?.. Has anyone even seen a cranny?
Had an exciting day at work today and my boss called me into his office and said, "I've noticed you nodding off during team meetings recently. Are you getting enough sleep?""Not really, the meetings are a lot shorter these days..."
Fantastic, the train has now changed destination from Uxbridge to HoH. Great...definitely wearing big coat tomorrow...
There is a bloke opposite who is not amused either. He is rolling his eyes and doing large intakes of breath at hearing this news. Well it's either that or he's about to give birth...
In the paper, there is a story about introducing a £2 toll to drive through the Blackwall Tunnel. Thanks but I'd rather buy a EuroMillions ticket...
Thought for the day: If you think you aren't creative...buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it...
So yes, I know I haven't been doing daily blogs recently but you can blame iplayer. I've been using the journey to watch random bbc programs. Can recommend 'welcome to India'! It's also good for Dragons Den, though I just listen to that so I don't get scared by Theo and that ladyman.
And with that my dear blog reader, I'm out...
Have a great sleep and keep liking those random sad Facebook updates as they are helping show god what a decent person you really are, and we can divert all the research being put into cancer cures and just invest in Facebook likes...
A small man called Kawks
Long time, long time people, but yes, felt like doing a little blog today.
It's like nothing has changed! Tube is packed and I'm balancing under someone armpit. Nice...
So, where to start? Probably with the bloke with shit headphones next to me who is playing some clubby type music. Doesn't he know this is the Met line and we only play bhajans?
Apologies for the swear word there folks but I can't stand people that use alternative words to avoid offending others. It gets right on my mammary glands...
Headline today is about the storm in New York. Looks like Christmas has started early there as I can see some trees in the shops. Boom, we are back!
What if that Gangnam Style was actually a giant rain dance and they brought this hurricane on themselves?
Missed me huh...ahhh
There is an advert on the tube about 'the new king of the ereaders' something called Nook! Woah never heard of it, maybe it's been hiding in a cranny?.. Has anyone even seen a cranny?
Had an exciting day at work today and my boss called me into his office and said, "I've noticed you nodding off during team meetings recently. Are you getting enough sleep?""Not really, the meetings are a lot shorter these days..."
Fantastic, the train has now changed destination from Uxbridge to HoH. Great...definitely wearing big coat tomorrow...
There is a bloke opposite who is not amused either. He is rolling his eyes and doing large intakes of breath at hearing this news. Well it's either that or he's about to give birth...
In the paper, there is a story about introducing a £2 toll to drive through the Blackwall Tunnel. Thanks but I'd rather buy a EuroMillions ticket...
Thought for the day: If you think you aren't creative...buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it...
So yes, I know I haven't been doing daily blogs recently but you can blame iplayer. I've been using the journey to watch random bbc programs. Can recommend 'welcome to India'! It's also good for Dragons Den, though I just listen to that so I don't get scared by Theo and that ladyman.
And with that my dear blog reader, I'm out...
Have a great sleep and keep liking those random sad Facebook updates as they are helping show god what a decent person you really are, and we can divert all the research being put into cancer cures and just invest in Facebook likes...
A small man called Kawks
Thursday 11 October 2012
Thursday 11th October 2012 - The Journey Home
18:31 All stations to Uxbridge
Evening all! Woah, it's a bit wet and I bashed a few people with my brolley on the way to Farringdon station. Man, there knees must be sore...
2 blokes are discussing how rubbish the new guy is. They are using swear words and everything. I'm ticking off the bullshit bingo off the list as we seal and in the last minute we have had 'textbook monkey', 'arse from elbow' and 'don't get me wrong'. Wonder if they can get a full house with 'Some of my best friends are black'...
Man, these guys just need to think outside the box...perhaps some bluesy thinking would help. I may suggest this to them (offline)...
Ok, what else
So last night, a bloke rang me up and said, "We've got Preeti held hostage. £50k or you'll never get her back."I said, "Go on then, I'll take the £50k..."
Boom. Only kidding my dear blog reader...he only offered £45k...
Headline today is that gas prices are going up, even though British Gas made £1.5bn profit in the first 6 months. Woah, that's money for hot air...
Ooh. News to share. I've finally saved enough money to send Rajvi to college. Only on the bus though, not in a taxi...
Today tube advert is "Help Your Self", by keeping your home locked up and your valuables hidden from burglars...damn, that's where I was going wrong...
More words to share from my 2 moaning friends 'plug and play right!'
'Burnt her bridges', and 'its not a vanilla playing field'. I like that last one, gonna try and use that one tomorrow...
"I escalated Tom's email back to Tom. "Woah,that one is just mind games...
This lady in pugg shoes is reading a tiny book which is half the size of my iPhone (5) called Fortress Muslim.
Hmm not sure if it's legit, as she is reading it from front to back...
There is a man who looks to have had a hard day at work, judging by the fact that his head is bending all the way to his knees...
The Jimmy Saville story is still front line news. Here's a thought, Woman around 40 years of age please come forward if Jimmy Savile didn't molest you. It would be much easier that way...
"If we are still doing business analysis, then we are in trouble"...'it's gonna be a piece of piss', 'it's all Bout the long game' and 'I don't want you to have an opinion'
Ahem, well I hope you've leant loads there, all part of the service...
And remember kids, be careful out there, it's not a vanilla playing field...
Have a great sleep
A small man called Kawks
Evening all! Woah, it's a bit wet and I bashed a few people with my brolley on the way to Farringdon station. Man, there knees must be sore...
2 blokes are discussing how rubbish the new guy is. They are using swear words and everything. I'm ticking off the bullshit bingo off the list as we seal and in the last minute we have had 'textbook monkey', 'arse from elbow' and 'don't get me wrong'. Wonder if they can get a full house with 'Some of my best friends are black'...
Man, these guys just need to think outside the box...perhaps some bluesy thinking would help. I may suggest this to them (offline)...
Ok, what else
So last night, a bloke rang me up and said, "We've got Preeti held hostage. £50k or you'll never get her back."I said, "Go on then, I'll take the £50k..."
Boom. Only kidding my dear blog reader...he only offered £45k...
Headline today is that gas prices are going up, even though British Gas made £1.5bn profit in the first 6 months. Woah, that's money for hot air...
Ooh. News to share. I've finally saved enough money to send Rajvi to college. Only on the bus though, not in a taxi...
Today tube advert is "Help Your Self", by keeping your home locked up and your valuables hidden from burglars...damn, that's where I was going wrong...
More words to share from my 2 moaning friends 'plug and play right!'
'Burnt her bridges', and 'its not a vanilla playing field'. I like that last one, gonna try and use that one tomorrow...
"I escalated Tom's email back to Tom. "Woah,that one is just mind games...
This lady in pugg shoes is reading a tiny book which is half the size of my iPhone (5) called Fortress Muslim.
Hmm not sure if it's legit, as she is reading it from front to back...
There is a man who looks to have had a hard day at work, judging by the fact that his head is bending all the way to his knees...
The Jimmy Saville story is still front line news. Here's a thought, Woman around 40 years of age please come forward if Jimmy Savile didn't molest you. It would be much easier that way...
"If we are still doing business analysis, then we are in trouble"...'it's gonna be a piece of piss', 'it's all Bout the long game' and 'I don't want you to have an opinion'
Ahem, well I hope you've leant loads there, all part of the service...
And remember kids, be careful out there, it's not a vanilla playing field...
Have a great sleep
A small man called Kawks
Monday 8 October 2012
Monday 8th October 2012 - The Journey Home
18:40 All stations to Uxbridge
Well hello there! I trust you all had delightful weekends
So, today I received my new work phone. yes folks a lovely iPhone 5!
Have a great sleep...
What you want more, but I've got a new toy to play with! Oh ok, let's have a look to see what's going on.
Well, I've managed to get a seat, so that's good.
'BBC U turn over Saville sex probe'. Now then now then now then...harram
I was listening to Five Live this morning and there was an interesting debate about people who were unemployed but having large families having their benefit cut, rather than the state supporting them. Hmm not sure about that to be honest with you my dear blog reader. I mean, where are we gonna find the X Factor contestants from now?
What else...
There is a woman opposite me who has a nose the size of a red pepper. I was gonna take a pic, but can't get the camera far back enough. Nice...
Looking in the business section and I see that JJB Sports has gone into liquidation - I guess that leaves Primark with the monopoly on Liverpool fashion then...
That reminds me! Preeti turned to me yesterday and said, 'Honey, look. I haven't worn this in 15 years and it still fits.' I said, 'Errr, It's a scarf...'
The train is heaving today. Mostly with women. Wonder what's going on?
Oh no, just read that the plans for driverless trains for the tube have been ruled out for at least a decade amid fears over jobs and safety. Oh we'll, I'll still be doing this commute for a while longer...
Cheryl's got 3 stars out of 5 for her concert at the O2 by the paper. It talks about how she leaps 20ft during 'Sexy Den a Mutha'. Ok Cheryl we might need to speak about spellcheck at some point.
It says the performance felt a bit limp as there was no band, she sang ok and dancing was slick. Well if you went to listen to her sing, I think my dear MoFo reader you are kinda missing the point...
All the women have left at Wembley Park. wonder if Arsenal ladies are playing or there is some national bake competition. Only kidding ladies, just trying to wind you up...
Ok, I need to practice what I can say to SIRI so lets leave it there!
Have a great iNap.
A small man called Kawks
Well hello there! I trust you all had delightful weekends
So, today I received my new work phone. yes folks a lovely iPhone 5!
Have a great sleep...
What you want more, but I've got a new toy to play with! Oh ok, let's have a look to see what's going on.
Well, I've managed to get a seat, so that's good.
'BBC U turn over Saville sex probe'. Now then now then now then...harram
I was listening to Five Live this morning and there was an interesting debate about people who were unemployed but having large families having their benefit cut, rather than the state supporting them. Hmm not sure about that to be honest with you my dear blog reader. I mean, where are we gonna find the X Factor contestants from now?
What else...
There is a woman opposite me who has a nose the size of a red pepper. I was gonna take a pic, but can't get the camera far back enough. Nice...
Looking in the business section and I see that JJB Sports has gone into liquidation - I guess that leaves Primark with the monopoly on Liverpool fashion then...
That reminds me! Preeti turned to me yesterday and said, 'Honey, look. I haven't worn this in 15 years and it still fits.' I said, 'Errr, It's a scarf...'
The train is heaving today. Mostly with women. Wonder what's going on?
Oh no, just read that the plans for driverless trains for the tube have been ruled out for at least a decade amid fears over jobs and safety. Oh we'll, I'll still be doing this commute for a while longer...
Cheryl's got 3 stars out of 5 for her concert at the O2 by the paper. It talks about how she leaps 20ft during 'Sexy Den a Mutha'. Ok Cheryl we might need to speak about spellcheck at some point.
It says the performance felt a bit limp as there was no band, she sang ok and dancing was slick. Well if you went to listen to her sing, I think my dear MoFo reader you are kinda missing the point...
All the women have left at Wembley Park. wonder if Arsenal ladies are playing or there is some national bake competition. Only kidding ladies, just trying to wind you up...
Ok, I need to practice what I can say to SIRI so lets leave it there!
Have a great iNap.
A small man called Kawks
Tuesday 2 October 2012
2nd October 2012 - The Journey Home
18:34 Semi Fast to Watford
Hey peeps, I trust you had a lovely day at work today. My nose has dribbled for most of it, but hey ho that's not really cutting it at work. Well Sir Alex Ferguson suggested I use my feet instead...
Ok, done my good deed for the day and let some olds take my seat. So that should be odds on for me to be reincarted as a Brahmin again...
So what's all this news about Jimmie Saville...oh dear...
Fact of the day: Weighing an elephant is just like weighing a human. But on a much bigger scale...
So last night, I could see Preeti had a face on her so I reluctantly asked what was up. "Oh my god!" she said. "You definitely don't want to hear about the day I've had." "Thanks, love," I replied. "I'm off for a bath."...
There is a man with posh headphones next to me. They are proudly displaying that they are model PXC 310. Nice...
You know you are a real geek if you thought, hmm I'll google that and see what make they are...
The dude is obviously into his stuff as he shirt says "Est 1938". And it looks good for something that old. Before you say it, yep he is reading the Guardian (international section) on his IPad 3...
What else...
Woah, there is a story in today's Evening Standard about the reason why Justin Bieber vomited on stage during his concert? Apparently, his earplugs fell out...
Boom...
There is a women to my left reading "fifty shades freed". Err...harram...
On my right is a man who looks be be approximately 29 reading "hunger games"...nice.
I'm peeking at 'the Book' but can't make out any rude bits yet...damn...
A lady opposite seems to have a rather posh bag with MK on it. No people, it's not short for Milton Keynes but some bloke called Michael Kors.. Neat
Right, time to blow my nose so lets leave it there!
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks...
Hey peeps, I trust you had a lovely day at work today. My nose has dribbled for most of it, but hey ho that's not really cutting it at work. Well Sir Alex Ferguson suggested I use my feet instead...
Ok, done my good deed for the day and let some olds take my seat. So that should be odds on for me to be reincarted as a Brahmin again...
So what's all this news about Jimmie Saville...oh dear...
Fact of the day: Weighing an elephant is just like weighing a human. But on a much bigger scale...
So last night, I could see Preeti had a face on her so I reluctantly asked what was up. "Oh my god!" she said. "You definitely don't want to hear about the day I've had." "Thanks, love," I replied. "I'm off for a bath."...
There is a man with posh headphones next to me. They are proudly displaying that they are model PXC 310. Nice...
You know you are a real geek if you thought, hmm I'll google that and see what make they are...
The dude is obviously into his stuff as he shirt says "Est 1938". And it looks good for something that old. Before you say it, yep he is reading the Guardian (international section) on his IPad 3...
What else...
Woah, there is a story in today's Evening Standard about the reason why Justin Bieber vomited on stage during his concert? Apparently, his earplugs fell out...
Boom...
There is a women to my left reading "fifty shades freed". Err...harram...
On my right is a man who looks be be approximately 29 reading "hunger games"...nice.
I'm peeking at 'the Book' but can't make out any rude bits yet...damn...
A lady opposite seems to have a rather posh bag with MK on it. No people, it's not short for Milton Keynes but some bloke called Michael Kors.. Neat
Right, time to blow my nose so lets leave it there!
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks...
Friday 28 September 2012
Friday 28th September - The Journey Home
18:07 Fast to Chesham
Oh yes, thought it Friday, it's not raining, time to do a blog.
So how are we peeps. Doing fine and dandy I hope. Currently standing and as I saw that today was the last day that the old 'A type' Met line was going to be running, so might as well get used to it...hey ho...
So what's the latest with that Teacher whose run off to France. Lets do some Math. 15 + 30 = 15 to 30yrs...
There is a women reading the paper and as she moves here eyes from left to right, her tongue goes in the opposite direction...neat...
There is couple speaking in French...I'll keep an ear out just in case they mention Math.
"Tonight's £80m jackpot' I can see on the back of the paper. Buy a ticket folks. You never know...you may never need to read this blog ever again!
Hold on folks! News coming in that they have been found! Hurrah. I'm guessing the schoolgirls' "What I did in my holiday" essay is going to be one hell of a read...
Actually I'm not sure what the fuss is about my dear blog reader. When I went to France with school it cost my parents £300...
Loads of people have got off at Finchley Road as next station is HoH. So got a seat...neat
Headline today (now I have a paper) is the sad news of the 7 dead Britons who died in the plane crash in Nepal. Why don't they say 19 dead in Plane crash. Obviously with the exchange rate Britons are worth more...grrr
There is a man/boy who looks like Justin Bieber opposite. He's got a Union Jack man bag and gelled up hair.
Thought for the day: I hate people that stop me and ask for directions. I tell them where to go...
What else...
There is an advert about hair loss, which has the strap line 'it needn't be the end of the line'. Ho ho, my sides are killing me...
There is a punjabi man sitting next to me who has decided to compare 2 front pages of the evening standard as he has noticed that they had slightly different photos, but the same story. Who said this journey wasn't exciting...not sure why I had to tell you he was Punjabi, but in your head your imagining that he wore a big blue turban and had a big beard aren't you...err ok so he did, but next time you may be wrong...
Right there's a pregnant Rastafarian who wants to sit down so let's leave it there...
See you all again at some point an have a great sleep,
Au Revoir
A small homme called Kawks
Oh yes, thought it Friday, it's not raining, time to do a blog.
So how are we peeps. Doing fine and dandy I hope. Currently standing and as I saw that today was the last day that the old 'A type' Met line was going to be running, so might as well get used to it...hey ho...
So what's the latest with that Teacher whose run off to France. Lets do some Math. 15 + 30 = 15 to 30yrs...
There is a women reading the paper and as she moves here eyes from left to right, her tongue goes in the opposite direction...neat...
There is couple speaking in French...I'll keep an ear out just in case they mention Math.
"Tonight's £80m jackpot' I can see on the back of the paper. Buy a ticket folks. You never know...you may never need to read this blog ever again!
Hold on folks! News coming in that they have been found! Hurrah. I'm guessing the schoolgirls' "What I did in my holiday" essay is going to be one hell of a read...
Actually I'm not sure what the fuss is about my dear blog reader. When I went to France with school it cost my parents £300...
Loads of people have got off at Finchley Road as next station is HoH. So got a seat...neat
Headline today (now I have a paper) is the sad news of the 7 dead Britons who died in the plane crash in Nepal. Why don't they say 19 dead in Plane crash. Obviously with the exchange rate Britons are worth more...grrr
There is a man/boy who looks like Justin Bieber opposite. He's got a Union Jack man bag and gelled up hair.
Thought for the day: I hate people that stop me and ask for directions. I tell them where to go...
What else...
There is an advert about hair loss, which has the strap line 'it needn't be the end of the line'. Ho ho, my sides are killing me...
There is a punjabi man sitting next to me who has decided to compare 2 front pages of the evening standard as he has noticed that they had slightly different photos, but the same story. Who said this journey wasn't exciting...not sure why I had to tell you he was Punjabi, but in your head your imagining that he wore a big blue turban and had a big beard aren't you...err ok so he did, but next time you may be wrong...
Right there's a pregnant Rastafarian who wants to sit down so let's leave it there...
See you all again at some point an have a great sleep,
Au Revoir
A small homme called Kawks
Tuesday 18 September 2012
Manchester special 15:00 Euston Station to Manchester.
Well hello there. This is a special blog for the hundreds of fans (three), who have been asking me to sort out the blog. Well seeing as I'm not going anywhere for the next 2hrs 9mins, thought I would scribble some random thoughts and observations.
So, just about getting over my disappointment over the lack of wowza new things ono the iPhone. Think they are really going backwards, and read that they only spend 2% of revenue on innovation, whereas Google spend something like 14%. Samsung is taken more of their market by the day, and seem to have all the features in their phones already.
Err hello..., your talking to the man who brought all the original iPhone and subsequent versions, and all the other apple devices they've brought out. I'm obviously still getting one, and ordered it today through work. 3 year contract, so will have to wait for the iPhone 8, before I refresh again!
The evening standard hadn't come out so I can't tell you what's going on today, and most of this route seems to involve going through a tunnel, so can't get a signal to see what the BBC has to report. Knowing my lovely sense of direction and timing (see Denmark story a while back), wouldn't be surprised if I'd caught the Eurostar to Paris instead and going through Le Channel.
That reminds me, those bloody French, taking pics of our future queen whilst she was nagi. Err harram. Some people are saying we are making mountains out of molehills...discuss...
What else. Started watching random stuff on the new iplayer app, which allows you to download programmes and watch them offline. watched good cop, which is err good, and the new series of dragons den. Now correct me if you disagree blog readers but why the hell do the people ask for 5%, 7% or 10%, when it doesn't matter how good it is, the bloody greedy dragons always want 40%! Then they ask if they would be willing to take 30%, to which the answer is always no. getting boring dragons..,getting boring...
Loved last weeks one, with B from London. "Tell me about your balance sheet" asked Deborah, to which she goes 'Yes, I've seen one of those'..bloody brilliant, should have offered her the money there and then!
What else...
Got a big pow wow meeting to go to in Manchester, and hoping after we have done that we hit the night clubs tonight. And yes, I know the first rule of night club....No trainers...
Just rang Preeti to see what she is up too, She weren't too happy and said she spent the morning washing and polishing my pogo stick. She hates spring cleaning...
There is a women in front of me, talking in Arabic. can't really make out what she is talking about but she keeps using the word 'Facebook' every few seconds. Nice..
There is a lady in her 40's who seems to be chatting up a spanish man who is sitting one seat in front. Nice...They are talking about holidays and Corfu and sorry I've tuned out...
Woah, she has just asked 'is somebody meeting you at the station? Might as well have asked if he had a girlfriend 'toyboy lady'!
We are nearly at Stoke on Trent and my accent is changing, and why are you doing a strange accent as you are reading this?
Toy boy lady is explaining now that she doesn't eat meat, woah, wonder if she is Brahmin?
ok, before I go, bad news to share I'm afraid. Rajvi's pet mouse, Elvis, has accidentally died. He was caught in a trap...
Right, let's leave it there! have a great sleep!
A small man in Manchester called Kawks.
So, just about getting over my disappointment over the lack of wowza new things ono the iPhone. Think they are really going backwards, and read that they only spend 2% of revenue on innovation, whereas Google spend something like 14%. Samsung is taken more of their market by the day, and seem to have all the features in their phones already.
Err hello..., your talking to the man who brought all the original iPhone and subsequent versions, and all the other apple devices they've brought out. I'm obviously still getting one, and ordered it today through work. 3 year contract, so will have to wait for the iPhone 8, before I refresh again!
The evening standard hadn't come out so I can't tell you what's going on today, and most of this route seems to involve going through a tunnel, so can't get a signal to see what the BBC has to report. Knowing my lovely sense of direction and timing (see Denmark story a while back), wouldn't be surprised if I'd caught the Eurostar to Paris instead and going through Le Channel.
That reminds me, those bloody French, taking pics of our future queen whilst she was nagi. Err harram. Some people are saying we are making mountains out of molehills...discuss...
What else. Started watching random stuff on the new iplayer app, which allows you to download programmes and watch them offline. watched good cop, which is err good, and the new series of dragons den. Now correct me if you disagree blog readers but why the hell do the people ask for 5%, 7% or 10%, when it doesn't matter how good it is, the bloody greedy dragons always want 40%! Then they ask if they would be willing to take 30%, to which the answer is always no. getting boring dragons..,getting boring...
Loved last weeks one, with B from London. "Tell me about your balance sheet" asked Deborah, to which she goes 'Yes, I've seen one of those'..bloody brilliant, should have offered her the money there and then!
What else...
Got a big pow wow meeting to go to in Manchester, and hoping after we have done that we hit the night clubs tonight. And yes, I know the first rule of night club....No trainers...
Just rang Preeti to see what she is up too, She weren't too happy and said she spent the morning washing and polishing my pogo stick. She hates spring cleaning...
There is a women in front of me, talking in Arabic. can't really make out what she is talking about but she keeps using the word 'Facebook' every few seconds. Nice..
There is a lady in her 40's who seems to be chatting up a spanish man who is sitting one seat in front. Nice...They are talking about holidays and Corfu and sorry I've tuned out...
Woah, she has just asked 'is somebody meeting you at the station? Might as well have asked if he had a girlfriend 'toyboy lady'!
We are nearly at Stoke on Trent and my accent is changing, and why are you doing a strange accent as you are reading this?
Toy boy lady is explaining now that she doesn't eat meat, woah, wonder if she is Brahmin?
ok, before I go, bad news to share I'm afraid. Rajvi's pet mouse, Elvis, has accidentally died. He was caught in a trap...
Right, let's leave it there! have a great sleep!
A small man in Manchester called Kawks.
Friday 24 August 2012
Friday 24th August - The Journey Home
17:47 Semi Fast to Watford
Whoo hoo. Let the bank holiday begin. And to add to the joy, it's just started raining.
Still not bad, considering its been a 2 day week for me this week. :-)
So, I hope all your loved ones did ok with their GCSE's yesterday. My neighbours son got straight A's in his italics exam. Which actually cost him the A*
The man opposite is reading some Arabic on his Samsung S2. He is also listening to something using his headphones at the same time. He has a beard. Oh, is that someone I know 6 carriages down. let me get off and see if it is. Hang on, he doesn't have a rucksack so I'll stay put, if if I hear the words 'cousins wedding' or 'virgins' coming from those headphones, I'm gonna move. Sorry, bit un PC there..
Advert of the day: "Please tweet behind the line". Ho ho, very good TFL, I see what you did there...
Ooo Ooo, did some more culling of my iPhone contact list last night and delighted everyone who was German. Now I'm hans free...
There, does that make you feel better Arabic man? Wow, obviously not, as he's got off at Finchley Road. He must have been in a real rush as he's forgotten to take his bag...
So, what can I tell you about my holiday? Las Vegas was amazing. This one night, I was just about to place my chips on the roulette table at the casino when the African man standing next to me gave me a nudge and said, "Black, 33."I shook his hand and said, "Brown, 43".
Ok who else can I insult today?
Headline today is "Harry's minders in probe on Vegas pictures". Not much going on in the world today I guess...
Thought for the day: "Why do shop windows have signs that say 'guide dogs allowed?' Its not like blind people can read it...
Right, let's leave it there! Have a great bank holiday weekend and a lovel sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Whoo hoo. Let the bank holiday begin. And to add to the joy, it's just started raining.
Still not bad, considering its been a 2 day week for me this week. :-)
So, I hope all your loved ones did ok with their GCSE's yesterday. My neighbours son got straight A's in his italics exam. Which actually cost him the A*
The man opposite is reading some Arabic on his Samsung S2. He is also listening to something using his headphones at the same time. He has a beard. Oh, is that someone I know 6 carriages down. let me get off and see if it is. Hang on, he doesn't have a rucksack so I'll stay put, if if I hear the words 'cousins wedding' or 'virgins' coming from those headphones, I'm gonna move. Sorry, bit un PC there..
Advert of the day: "Please tweet behind the line". Ho ho, very good TFL, I see what you did there...
Ooo Ooo, did some more culling of my iPhone contact list last night and delighted everyone who was German. Now I'm hans free...
There, does that make you feel better Arabic man? Wow, obviously not, as he's got off at Finchley Road. He must have been in a real rush as he's forgotten to take his bag...
So, what can I tell you about my holiday? Las Vegas was amazing. This one night, I was just about to place my chips on the roulette table at the casino when the African man standing next to me gave me a nudge and said, "Black, 33."I shook his hand and said, "Brown, 43".
Ok who else can I insult today?
Headline today is "Harry's minders in probe on Vegas pictures". Not much going on in the world today I guess...
Thought for the day: "Why do shop windows have signs that say 'guide dogs allowed?' Its not like blind people can read it...
Right, let's leave it there! Have a great bank holiday weekend and a lovel sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Thursday 23 August 2012
Thursday 23rd August - The Journey Home
18:02 All stations to Uxbridge
Well hello there. Remember me? No?, it must be because I'm using my new American accent.
After receiving many (3) requests to bring back the blog, how could I refuse.
It's was a good break away and I wanted you all to concentrate on the Olympics and learn new skills such as how to do the Mo-Bot.
Got back from my West Coast trip on my birthday (Tuesday) and it was the first day back at work today. Wasn't too bad as I slept under my desk for most of the morning...
Before you ask, no I didn't see Prince Harry in Las Vegas, as I was staying at the other end of the strip. Prince Charles is apparently furious....though his real dad said he was cool with it...
Boom! Missed me huh?
I think I must have been magically transported to another era, as the man standing next to me has a tight perm. He looks like Kevin Keegan in his prime...
There was also a man with a union jack coat on (nice), good to see the Olympic spirit lives on (no, he wasn't a skinhead)...
There is a woman who looks like Macy Gray sitting down and she has the sunglasses and everything. (you humming that tune right?.."do doo doo doo doo do.."..yeah that was a memorable one Macy.
Let's do thought of the day next: "Without that little voice in your head, you wouldn't be able to read this."...
Headline today is "GCSE grades fall for the first time". I bet McDonald's are over the moon...
Even if someone you know didn't do so well, just remember that Pitbull rhymed 'Kodak' with 'Kodak', and he's still a millionaire...
There is an Indian couple showing each other 'affection' sitting opposite me. Errr, harram. Don't they know the rules? He is still wearing his rakri's so I'll let him off THIS TIME...
What's that? What did you get for your Birthday? Well, you tell me my dear blog reader, lost in the post again huh?
Seriously, brought MYSELF a fancy dan digital Nikon SLR Camera (D5100 as you asked). It's really for Rajvi...I can now hold my head up high when I see a chinese person..but that's mainly cost if I do that and tip toe, sometimes I'm even taller than them...
And on that high (see what I did there!)...let's leave it there.
Let us know if you want me to continue with the blog by writing your feedback on £20 notes and sending it for my attention.
Have a great sleep y'all...
A small sleepy man called Kawks.
Well hello there. Remember me? No?, it must be because I'm using my new American accent.
After receiving many (3) requests to bring back the blog, how could I refuse.
It's was a good break away and I wanted you all to concentrate on the Olympics and learn new skills such as how to do the Mo-Bot.
Got back from my West Coast trip on my birthday (Tuesday) and it was the first day back at work today. Wasn't too bad as I slept under my desk for most of the morning...
Before you ask, no I didn't see Prince Harry in Las Vegas, as I was staying at the other end of the strip. Prince Charles is apparently furious....though his real dad said he was cool with it...
Boom! Missed me huh?
I think I must have been magically transported to another era, as the man standing next to me has a tight perm. He looks like Kevin Keegan in his prime...
There was also a man with a union jack coat on (nice), good to see the Olympic spirit lives on (no, he wasn't a skinhead)...
There is a woman who looks like Macy Gray sitting down and she has the sunglasses and everything. (you humming that tune right?.."do doo doo doo doo do.."..yeah that was a memorable one Macy.
Let's do thought of the day next: "Without that little voice in your head, you wouldn't be able to read this."...
Headline today is "GCSE grades fall for the first time". I bet McDonald's are over the moon...
Even if someone you know didn't do so well, just remember that Pitbull rhymed 'Kodak' with 'Kodak', and he's still a millionaire...
There is an Indian couple showing each other 'affection' sitting opposite me. Errr, harram. Don't they know the rules? He is still wearing his rakri's so I'll let him off THIS TIME...
What's that? What did you get for your Birthday? Well, you tell me my dear blog reader, lost in the post again huh?
Seriously, brought MYSELF a fancy dan digital Nikon SLR Camera (D5100 as you asked). It's really for Rajvi...I can now hold my head up high when I see a chinese person..but that's mainly cost if I do that and tip toe, sometimes I'm even taller than them...
And on that high (see what I did there!)...let's leave it there.
Let us know if you want me to continue with the blog by writing your feedback on £20 notes and sending it for my attention.
Have a great sleep y'all...
A small sleepy man called Kawks.
Tuesday 17 July 2012
Tuesday 17th July - The Journey Home
18:15 All stations to Uxbridge
Good evening. First comment. How rubbish is Superstar! Watched it for the first time yesterday and thought everyone was trying a bit too hard and it seemed liked a mish mash of a number of programmes, none of them particularly good...
I've had quite a busy day today. My mate bet me £50 that the M25 is only 118 miles long. Boy is he looking stupid now! I've been driving on it all day and still not reached the end...
10 days to go...whoopee
Just looking at the tube adverts. There is one got phones4U. "I live in Fulham, can I upgrade?". "Yah Absolutely".
Damn, missed out big time there...
There's a story about the athletes and their lovely tweets today as well as experiences of the village. one chap said the beds for too small for this 6ft 11inch frame. Tell me about it!
There is also a review of the new batman movie. Hmm, mixed reviews and it's quite long (160mins). Problems about overly long scenes of dialogue where you can't hear them, but the action is great. Shame that Batman has to die in the end if you ask me...Oh you've not seen it..sorry about that.
The previous movie took £1bn worldwide! Holy molly!!
Right, better leave it there!
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks.
Good evening. First comment. How rubbish is Superstar! Watched it for the first time yesterday and thought everyone was trying a bit too hard and it seemed liked a mish mash of a number of programmes, none of them particularly good...
I've had quite a busy day today. My mate bet me £50 that the M25 is only 118 miles long. Boy is he looking stupid now! I've been driving on it all day and still not reached the end...
10 days to go...whoopee
Just looking at the tube adverts. There is one got phones4U. "I live in Fulham, can I upgrade?". "Yah Absolutely".
Damn, missed out big time there...
There's a story about the athletes and their lovely tweets today as well as experiences of the village. one chap said the beds for too small for this 6ft 11inch frame. Tell me about it!
There is also a review of the new batman movie. Hmm, mixed reviews and it's quite long (160mins). Problems about overly long scenes of dialogue where you can't hear them, but the action is great. Shame that Batman has to die in the end if you ask me...Oh you've not seen it..sorry about that.
The previous movie took £1bn worldwide! Holy molly!!
Right, better leave it there!
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks.
Monday 16 July 2012
Monday 16th July 2012 - The Journey Home
18:08 all stations to Uxbridge
Hello gang. How are we all. I trust you have wonderful weekends and a beautiful Monday...
We went to the East End last night (you said that last bit in a cockney accent right?) to see some work colleagues in a glee style show. It was lovely darling...
So 11 days to go...it's getting exciting now...I love our monthly group meeting me...
Not seeing any random Olympic tourists yet, but will keep you up to date if I do...
Fact of the day: It takes the human body approximately eight hours to turn food into poo poo. McDonalds manage to do it in only five minutes...
Headline today is "London booms to 8 million people". That's 12% in the last decade. That must be right cos we didn't move here till 2006...
There is a story about Maddona performing at Hyde Park tomorrow, but has been told that the plug will be pulled if she is still going on at 10:30 to ensure the strict curfew isn't broken. Yes Maddona, rules are rules (you did an Indian accent right?), so beware...
There is a story about the new Olympic lane from the airport. Oh it's very confusing said motorists...nice (you said that in a Kawks accent didn't you?)...
Rain. Official weather supplier to the London 2012 Olympic Games...
Hope it brightens up soon.
And on that err bright note, let's leave it there...
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Hello gang. How are we all. I trust you have wonderful weekends and a beautiful Monday...
We went to the East End last night (you said that last bit in a cockney accent right?) to see some work colleagues in a glee style show. It was lovely darling...
So 11 days to go...it's getting exciting now...I love our monthly group meeting me...
Not seeing any random Olympic tourists yet, but will keep you up to date if I do...
Fact of the day: It takes the human body approximately eight hours to turn food into poo poo. McDonalds manage to do it in only five minutes...
Headline today is "London booms to 8 million people". That's 12% in the last decade. That must be right cos we didn't move here till 2006...
There is a story about Maddona performing at Hyde Park tomorrow, but has been told that the plug will be pulled if she is still going on at 10:30 to ensure the strict curfew isn't broken. Yes Maddona, rules are rules (you did an Indian accent right?), so beware...
There is a story about the new Olympic lane from the airport. Oh it's very confusing said motorists...nice (you said that in a Kawks accent didn't you?)...
Rain. Official weather supplier to the London 2012 Olympic Games...
Hope it brightens up soon.
And on that err bright note, let's leave it there...
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Thursday 12 July 2012
Thursday 12th July 2012 - The Journey Home
17:54 Fast to Chesham
Hello gang. Yes, I know it's a bit earlier today, but I was in work by 7am this morning so thought I would leave "on time"...
So at lunchtime I decided to burn a lot of calories, so I set a fat kid on fire...
Boom! We are off...so was he...
15 days to go...
Headline today is "Olympic Crisis". This is about the M4 repairs not being ready in time and having to get in 3,500 army folk in as they couldn't find enough security staff. Nice...
Thought for the day: I really don't see the problem with arranged marriages. I went to one that wasn't, and it was a complete shambles...
Let's look around...
Actually quite borking today, most folk are either asleep or not doing anything of note...
Ok, it's story time. Yesterday on my way home, Preeti asked me to stop by our Sainsbury's local or wharves the baby one is called to get some frozen pizza. It said on the box,
"Cook for between 20 and 22 minutes."
Now, I'm no genius, but isn't that 21 minutes?...
Just a follow on from yesterdays story about that tetrapak woman who died, that the police are investigating. They said that no corners will be cut in finding her killer...
There is a story about O2, and the loss of service over the last 24 hrs. Tell me about it. Been trying to complain to customer services but can't get through...
Right, can't think of anything else to report, so let's leave it there.
Have a great sleep!
A smaller called Kawks.
Hello gang. Yes, I know it's a bit earlier today, but I was in work by 7am this morning so thought I would leave "on time"...
So at lunchtime I decided to burn a lot of calories, so I set a fat kid on fire...
Boom! We are off...so was he...
15 days to go...
Headline today is "Olympic Crisis". This is about the M4 repairs not being ready in time and having to get in 3,500 army folk in as they couldn't find enough security staff. Nice...
Thought for the day: I really don't see the problem with arranged marriages. I went to one that wasn't, and it was a complete shambles...
Let's look around...
Actually quite borking today, most folk are either asleep or not doing anything of note...
Ok, it's story time. Yesterday on my way home, Preeti asked me to stop by our Sainsbury's local or wharves the baby one is called to get some frozen pizza. It said on the box,
"Cook for between 20 and 22 minutes."
Now, I'm no genius, but isn't that 21 minutes?...
Just a follow on from yesterdays story about that tetrapak woman who died, that the police are investigating. They said that no corners will be cut in finding her killer...
There is a story about O2, and the loss of service over the last 24 hrs. Tell me about it. Been trying to complain to customer services but can't get through...
Right, can't think of anything else to report, so let's leave it there.
Have a great sleep!
A smaller called Kawks.
Wednesday 11 July 2012
Wednesday 11th July 2011 - The Journey Home
18:28 All stations to Uxbridge
Hello gang. Good news to share! So at lunchtime today, went to see my doctor who gave me the all-clear on my OCD today. I couldn't thank him enough...
Boom! And that first one was for free!
That reminds me....I've just written a book on reverse psychology. But It's rubbish and you shouldn't buy it...
Had a fun day at work and had to pull myself away and get home. hence why the blog is running 15mins late today.
Put down thought for the day: No, no, no. I'm not insulting you. 'Im describing you...
See how that works out for you!
Lady opposite is reading "The Stylist". Headline is "Greatness is the girl next door". Hmm not sure I agree. Quite sure the Shree Lankan girl living next to us is called Preetumanutham (for short)...
16 days to go
Headline today is the tetra pal dude accused of killing his wife. It says that the billionaire lived with the dead body for week! Surely he must have known something was wrong by the silence in the house...
They lived in a £50m house And he is heir to a fortune worth £4.5bn. Woah, if only I could bottle that...
News about Chris Moyles leaving Radio One. Wow. Not sure what to do now...might start listening to Radio One...
Right, nothing else to report on today, so let's leave it there...
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Hello gang. Good news to share! So at lunchtime today, went to see my doctor who gave me the all-clear on my OCD today. I couldn't thank him enough...
Boom! And that first one was for free!
That reminds me....I've just written a book on reverse psychology. But It's rubbish and you shouldn't buy it...
Had a fun day at work and had to pull myself away and get home. hence why the blog is running 15mins late today.
Put down thought for the day: No, no, no. I'm not insulting you. 'Im describing you...
See how that works out for you!
Lady opposite is reading "The Stylist". Headline is "Greatness is the girl next door". Hmm not sure I agree. Quite sure the Shree Lankan girl living next to us is called Preetumanutham (for short)...
16 days to go
Headline today is the tetra pal dude accused of killing his wife. It says that the billionaire lived with the dead body for week! Surely he must have known something was wrong by the silence in the house...
They lived in a £50m house And he is heir to a fortune worth £4.5bn. Woah, if only I could bottle that...
News about Chris Moyles leaving Radio One. Wow. Not sure what to do now...might start listening to Radio One...
Right, nothing else to report on today, so let's leave it there...
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Tuesday 10 July 2012
Tuesday 7th July 2012 - The Journey Jome
18:10 All Stations to Uxbridge
Hello and welcome. So at lunchtime today, I rang up my local department store, I said, "Hello Selfridges?" They said, "No sir, try Dixon's."...
Boom! And we are off...
Good to see its not raining but some things never change. Yep, severe delays to the Met line. You know what that means right? Yep, time to get the Tube Refund app running...
The chap next to me is reading what looks to be quite a light hearted book. Let's see what its called. "Persecutions in England".... Ahh, maybe not. Bet he is a laugh a minute, or perhaps John Terry's lawyer...
Random thought for the day: That lovely saying, "having your cake and eating it"...err what else are you supposed to do with it?...
Also, when was the last time you actually saw someone with egg on their face?
Cheesecake...a cake made of cheese
Garlicbread..a bread made from garlic
Sorry turned into Peter Kay for a sec.
17 days to go...
So last night, after work (and the blog), I went to see the Dr for my regular 6 month checkup. He entered the room and goes "I'm not quite sure how to say this" in a sombre tone.
"Oh my god" I sighed
"It's not my fault the word is so long" he snapped...
Today's headline is about the govt handing out £10m to help pupils with their litter acy..seems like a waste of money to mee.
Yay, just changed from an Uxbridge train to an Amersham one. Brilliant (not)...
So onto the book that the ladies are all reading at the moment! So looks like my recent joke on FB is actually coming true. They are actually making it into a movie! It's being produced by the same team that produced the Social Network. They brought the film rights for £3.2m. Woah this blog is informative and saves me buying the FT your thinking right?
The book has sold 31m copies and critics say it could be difficult for the movie to be successful as there is very little storyline and it is essentially porn. Damn, in that case I stick to Bollywood for my fix of storyline...
The lady opposite is reading a book called "100 ways to simplify your life". Here's a thought...think of just 10 ways might be a good start?
Right time to hope over to the other platform, so let's leave it there!
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Hello and welcome. So at lunchtime today, I rang up my local department store, I said, "Hello Selfridges?" They said, "No sir, try Dixon's."...
Boom! And we are off...
Good to see its not raining but some things never change. Yep, severe delays to the Met line. You know what that means right? Yep, time to get the Tube Refund app running...
The chap next to me is reading what looks to be quite a light hearted book. Let's see what its called. "Persecutions in England".... Ahh, maybe not. Bet he is a laugh a minute, or perhaps John Terry's lawyer...
Random thought for the day: That lovely saying, "having your cake and eating it"...err what else are you supposed to do with it?...
Also, when was the last time you actually saw someone with egg on their face?
Cheesecake...a cake made of cheese
Garlicbread..a bread made from garlic
Sorry turned into Peter Kay for a sec.
17 days to go...
So last night, after work (and the blog), I went to see the Dr for my regular 6 month checkup. He entered the room and goes "I'm not quite sure how to say this" in a sombre tone.
"Oh my god" I sighed
"It's not my fault the word is so long" he snapped...
Today's headline is about the govt handing out £10m to help pupils with their litter acy..seems like a waste of money to mee.
Yay, just changed from an Uxbridge train to an Amersham one. Brilliant (not)...
So onto the book that the ladies are all reading at the moment! So looks like my recent joke on FB is actually coming true. They are actually making it into a movie! It's being produced by the same team that produced the Social Network. They brought the film rights for £3.2m. Woah this blog is informative and saves me buying the FT your thinking right?
The book has sold 31m copies and critics say it could be difficult for the movie to be successful as there is very little storyline and it is essentially porn. Damn, in that case I stick to Bollywood for my fix of storyline...
The lady opposite is reading a book called "100 ways to simplify your life". Here's a thought...think of just 10 ways might be a good start?
Right time to hope over to the other platform, so let's leave it there!
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Monday 9 July 2012
Monday 9th July 2012 - The Journey Home
18:12 All stations to Uxbridge
18 days to go. Woah!
So who saw the epic match yesterday. Judging by the look on Murray's face, he has either won or lost the championship...
No in all seriousness, what a great Wimbledon final. It was a tough match, but in the end, the best man won. Well done, Serena...
Seriously ('you cannot be serious') we left the house mid game as we went to watch a Hindi movie yesterday. It was "Bol Bachan". Started at 5pm, well adverts started at 5 and we were done by 8pm. Value for money, quite a few laughs and better than being rained on. It's got English subtitles for those not as versed in Hindi as I am...hey na...
Marks out of 10 - err I'd say 6.53, though Rajvi ain't talking to me anymore and listened to her Dr Dre songs with her big headphones (till her battery ran out)...
There was this bloke sitting behind us who had the most annoying loud laugh and seemed to laugh at anything, even if two blokes were just shaking hands. Maybe he was in shock after seeing how much a family pack of minstrels cost...
Some other family brought in their 3month old baby, who cried through the whole thing..but nope mother had to stay in the cinema rather than taking her out (don't mean shoot her)...
What else...oh yes, the lady sitting next to me in the cinema kept talking to herself and repeating the dialogue and then checking that she had understood the joke. Nice...
All in all my dear blog readers, there's a lot to be said for Blockbusters...
On with the show...
The chap next to me is reading a book called "the 26 qualities of a devotee"..nice one after each letter of the alphabet. It's about Krishna, so let's not mess about with this line of enquiry...
Thought for the day: I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in films...
In the headlines today, it's about John Terry, where he says his racist remarks were only meant as sarcasm. Oh I see now...you always did seem like a witty kind of guy.....GUILTY.
Good news to share! The last hosepipe ban has been lifted across England. That's a relief, my garden could do with watering...
There is an Indian family who have just boarded at Finchley who they are proper Gujarati's. They are talking about how they got off by mistake at Gondal rather than Rajkot. Oh the bellylaughs...
They are getting off at Wembley Park. Well I never. Sorry that was me being sarcastic...
And on that note, let's leave it there (said the man to the newspaper he just left under the seat that he thought no one saw)
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
18 days to go. Woah!
So who saw the epic match yesterday. Judging by the look on Murray's face, he has either won or lost the championship...
No in all seriousness, what a great Wimbledon final. It was a tough match, but in the end, the best man won. Well done, Serena...
Seriously ('you cannot be serious') we left the house mid game as we went to watch a Hindi movie yesterday. It was "Bol Bachan". Started at 5pm, well adverts started at 5 and we were done by 8pm. Value for money, quite a few laughs and better than being rained on. It's got English subtitles for those not as versed in Hindi as I am...hey na...
Marks out of 10 - err I'd say 6.53, though Rajvi ain't talking to me anymore and listened to her Dr Dre songs with her big headphones (till her battery ran out)...
There was this bloke sitting behind us who had the most annoying loud laugh and seemed to laugh at anything, even if two blokes were just shaking hands. Maybe he was in shock after seeing how much a family pack of minstrels cost...
Some other family brought in their 3month old baby, who cried through the whole thing..but nope mother had to stay in the cinema rather than taking her out (don't mean shoot her)...
What else...oh yes, the lady sitting next to me in the cinema kept talking to herself and repeating the dialogue and then checking that she had understood the joke. Nice...
All in all my dear blog readers, there's a lot to be said for Blockbusters...
On with the show...
The chap next to me is reading a book called "the 26 qualities of a devotee"..nice one after each letter of the alphabet. It's about Krishna, so let's not mess about with this line of enquiry...
Thought for the day: I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in films...
In the headlines today, it's about John Terry, where he says his racist remarks were only meant as sarcasm. Oh I see now...you always did seem like a witty kind of guy.....GUILTY.
Good news to share! The last hosepipe ban has been lifted across England. That's a relief, my garden could do with watering...
There is an Indian family who have just boarded at Finchley who they are proper Gujarati's. They are talking about how they got off by mistake at Gondal rather than Rajkot. Oh the bellylaughs...
They are getting off at Wembley Park. Well I never. Sorry that was me being sarcastic...
And on that note, let's leave it there (said the man to the newspaper he just left under the seat that he thought no one saw)
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Friday 6 July 2012
Friday 6th July 2012 - The Journey Home
18:09 All stations to Uxbridge
Well hello there! Remember me?..Yep after a massive reaction (3 people) said that they were actually missing my blog, I thought I'd do one today.
Been out on work stuff a lot this week and so didn't get a chance to be my regular self.
So, on with the show..
It's the weekend. Hurrah and it's predicted to rain. I don't understand why people are worried about getting a months' rain in one day though .I wonder if they'd prefer a months' sunshine in one day?...
Hope you've been liking the Facebook pics...getting more likes than my usual "Preeti is leaving me ones" so may continue!
That reminds me...What berries do fat people enjoy the most? Cadburys...
Ok sitting down now at Finchley road...that's better.
There is an article in the paper about lesbian ball that took place last night including quite a few celebs such as Sue Perkins, Clare Balding and Gillian Anderson. It says even the bouncers on the door were female. Nice suits...
That reminds me, its soon gonna be the London gay pride festival, thousands of homosexuals with different ethnic backgrounds. 50 shades of gay... See what I did there!
Still missing the blog?
So this morning, I got quite annoyed (yep even mild manned me). Had just come out the bath and putting on the deodorant and it said on the can, "Avoid Contact with Eyes". Damn to late, I've already seen it I thought...
Hmmf...
Not much on the people watching today, most people seem to be out watching Murray. Looks like Murray may become Scottish rather than British if he doesn't sort himself out soon...
That reminds me, its time to sign off and to have a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks.
Well hello there! Remember me?..Yep after a massive reaction (3 people) said that they were actually missing my blog, I thought I'd do one today.
Been out on work stuff a lot this week and so didn't get a chance to be my regular self.
So, on with the show..
It's the weekend. Hurrah and it's predicted to rain. I don't understand why people are worried about getting a months' rain in one day though .I wonder if they'd prefer a months' sunshine in one day?...
Hope you've been liking the Facebook pics...getting more likes than my usual "Preeti is leaving me ones" so may continue!
That reminds me...What berries do fat people enjoy the most? Cadburys...
Ok sitting down now at Finchley road...that's better.
There is an article in the paper about lesbian ball that took place last night including quite a few celebs such as Sue Perkins, Clare Balding and Gillian Anderson. It says even the bouncers on the door were female. Nice suits...
That reminds me, its soon gonna be the London gay pride festival, thousands of homosexuals with different ethnic backgrounds. 50 shades of gay... See what I did there!
Still missing the blog?
So this morning, I got quite annoyed (yep even mild manned me). Had just come out the bath and putting on the deodorant and it said on the can, "Avoid Contact with Eyes". Damn to late, I've already seen it I thought...
Hmmf...
Not much on the people watching today, most people seem to be out watching Murray. Looks like Murray may become Scottish rather than British if he doesn't sort himself out soon...
That reminds me, its time to sign off and to have a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks.
Monday 2 July 2012
Monday 2nd July 2012 - The Journey Home
18:06 All stations to Uxbridge
Well hello! Long time ting n ting...sorry for the no show on Friday. I had come up with an elaborate excuse but the truth was purely that I couldn't be R'sd...
Still, we all have off days, right Italy?
I'm so happy that Spain won last night. They've really given their fans something to talk about down the Job Centre...
Yes Rak, the jokes are back! Hoping for a like now on FB. No pressure.
Moving on, wasn't yesterday lovely weather. The only downside is that we had some wasps come through the patio door. After the ladies started to scream had to get the spray out. The instructions said :'Do Not Spray Near The Eyes'...So I just aimed for their wings...
Boom! or should that be Buzz...
Let's do the headlines. " Barclays battle to save bob's job'. Nice... It says that diamond has been praised as 'one of the finest bankers in the world'...
Olympic countdown: 3 weeks to go...oooh. did really like the Olympic's ad on the bbc, very exciting.
The Queen cost every Briton 52p last year. To be honest with you my dear blog reader, I'd have been happy to round this up to 60p as I don't have the exact change...
Ok, that's all I got for today, so see you again tomorrow and in the mean time, have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Well hello! Long time ting n ting...sorry for the no show on Friday. I had come up with an elaborate excuse but the truth was purely that I couldn't be R'sd...
Still, we all have off days, right Italy?
I'm so happy that Spain won last night. They've really given their fans something to talk about down the Job Centre...
Yes Rak, the jokes are back! Hoping for a like now on FB. No pressure.
Moving on, wasn't yesterday lovely weather. The only downside is that we had some wasps come through the patio door. After the ladies started to scream had to get the spray out. The instructions said :'Do Not Spray Near The Eyes'...So I just aimed for their wings...
Boom! or should that be Buzz...
Let's do the headlines. " Barclays battle to save bob's job'. Nice... It says that diamond has been praised as 'one of the finest bankers in the world'...
Olympic countdown: 3 weeks to go...oooh. did really like the Olympic's ad on the bbc, very exciting.
The Queen cost every Briton 52p last year. To be honest with you my dear blog reader, I'd have been happy to round this up to 60p as I don't have the exact change...
Ok, that's all I got for today, so see you again tomorrow and in the mean time, have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Thursday 28 June 2012
Thursday 28th June 2012 - The Journey Home
18:48 Semi fast to Watford
Hello folks. And where did the lovely weather suddenly come from? Woah, more of that please. I went for a walk around the Square at work at lunchtime and their were children playing and records playing (no that's not right but you get the jist right?)
There is a girl opposite reading that book that has had much air time recently, yep "fifty shades of grey"... She is on page 46 and looks to be into it. I can't tell if she is blushing (south Indian) but will let you know if she faints as a result of the excitement. It's interesting I think why it's ok for ladies to openly read that book, but you try reading a porno magazine on the tube and it's huff this and huff that...
29 days to go...hurrah
Headline today is "bankers in fixing scandal let off". Errr, it says they could be let off from prosecution. Hmm huff huff...
Beckham has been left out of the team GB squad. Oh dear, bet he didn't see that curve ball...
Woah, there is a story about Wimbledon serving up grunt-o-meters to curb scream queens. Nice.
Read the rest of the paper and yep it was boring.
The woman is still reading the book and has now put on her sunglasses, not sure what that signifies, but she has also starting swigging from her water bottle.
This blog was brought to you by 50 shades of...
There is a man who is extremely hungry and has broken out the fruit salad (M&S) from his bag and scoffin it down. He is standing next to shades of grey lady so wondering if he too has been reading it over her shoulder and suffering the effects...
The bloke next to me has just gone 'humf humf'.. Let's see why..
Ah, he's just has a text message that said 'will you get me a box of chocolates?'. Nice! Let's see what he types in response.
"I'm just at Wembley Park and this is a semi fast!". Brilliant! That won't be the mistress he's texting then!
Right, let's leave it there! Have a great Humf.
A small man called Kawks
Hello folks. And where did the lovely weather suddenly come from? Woah, more of that please. I went for a walk around the Square at work at lunchtime and their were children playing and records playing (no that's not right but you get the jist right?)
There is a girl opposite reading that book that has had much air time recently, yep "fifty shades of grey"... She is on page 46 and looks to be into it. I can't tell if she is blushing (south Indian) but will let you know if she faints as a result of the excitement. It's interesting I think why it's ok for ladies to openly read that book, but you try reading a porno magazine on the tube and it's huff this and huff that...
29 days to go...hurrah
Headline today is "bankers in fixing scandal let off". Errr, it says they could be let off from prosecution. Hmm huff huff...
Beckham has been left out of the team GB squad. Oh dear, bet he didn't see that curve ball...
Woah, there is a story about Wimbledon serving up grunt-o-meters to curb scream queens. Nice.
Read the rest of the paper and yep it was boring.
The woman is still reading the book and has now put on her sunglasses, not sure what that signifies, but she has also starting swigging from her water bottle.
This blog was brought to you by 50 shades of...
There is a man who is extremely hungry and has broken out the fruit salad (M&S) from his bag and scoffin it down. He is standing next to shades of grey lady so wondering if he too has been reading it over her shoulder and suffering the effects...
The bloke next to me has just gone 'humf humf'.. Let's see why..
Ah, he's just has a text message that said 'will you get me a box of chocolates?'. Nice! Let's see what he types in response.
"I'm just at Wembley Park and this is a semi fast!". Brilliant! That won't be the mistress he's texting then!
Right, let's leave it there! Have a great Humf.
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday 27 June 2012
Wednesday 27th June 2012 - The journey home
18:03 semi fast to Watford
Hello peeps. Yep, back to normal time today, no work events today which is just as well as the footies on today. :-)
Not got a seat yet, and we are already at Great Portland street...not that "Great" if you ask me...
There is a bloke next to me who is with his 'girl'. I know this as not only is she holding the pole in the middle, but in typical caveman style, he also has his hand round her back in that "hmmf back off everyone she is mine". That's fine but does he really need to keep pinching her bum every few seconds? Yes I know I don't have to look, but I'm nosy..what can I say?...
Phew, they have just got off so we can get on with more pressing matters (see what I did there)...
Headline is "handshake of history"..Great. All of a sudden I have a sudden urge for a macdonalds strawberry milkshake...
This blog was brought to you by...
Stop rambling Kawks, get on with it.
Oh yes, this was the historic meeting of the Queen and Martin Mcguiness who killed the queen's cousin 33 years ago. Would have been an interesting conversation right. In a squeaky voice,"and what do you do"...
Just read a piece by Tony Blair (he is special editor of the standard today) and it talks about what he's doing now he's not the boss man. Making a shed load of cash on the dinner circuit by all accounts though he's keen to point out that he pays 50% tax on all his earnings to the UK. You listening Mr Carr?
Interesting fact in the piece (see if you can this into the conversation at dinner time or the next time you have a Chinese takeaway....China plans to build 70 new international airports in the next 10 years whilst we are busy debating if we should have a third runway at Heathrow.
Woah, thanks Kawks, though the blog use to be quite jokey and fun, these days I'm really learning new stuff such as where to go to increase my salt intake and what the previous PM is doing.
My pleasure folks, all part of the subscription...
And on that educational high, let's leave it there! Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks.
Hello peeps. Yep, back to normal time today, no work events today which is just as well as the footies on today. :-)
Not got a seat yet, and we are already at Great Portland street...not that "Great" if you ask me...
There is a bloke next to me who is with his 'girl'. I know this as not only is she holding the pole in the middle, but in typical caveman style, he also has his hand round her back in that "hmmf back off everyone she is mine". That's fine but does he really need to keep pinching her bum every few seconds? Yes I know I don't have to look, but I'm nosy..what can I say?...
Phew, they have just got off so we can get on with more pressing matters (see what I did there)...
Headline is "handshake of history"..Great. All of a sudden I have a sudden urge for a macdonalds strawberry milkshake...
This blog was brought to you by...
Stop rambling Kawks, get on with it.
Oh yes, this was the historic meeting of the Queen and Martin Mcguiness who killed the queen's cousin 33 years ago. Would have been an interesting conversation right. In a squeaky voice,"and what do you do"...
Just read a piece by Tony Blair (he is special editor of the standard today) and it talks about what he's doing now he's not the boss man. Making a shed load of cash on the dinner circuit by all accounts though he's keen to point out that he pays 50% tax on all his earnings to the UK. You listening Mr Carr?
Interesting fact in the piece (see if you can this into the conversation at dinner time or the next time you have a Chinese takeaway....China plans to build 70 new international airports in the next 10 years whilst we are busy debating if we should have a third runway at Heathrow.
Woah, thanks Kawks, though the blog use to be quite jokey and fun, these days I'm really learning new stuff such as where to go to increase my salt intake and what the previous PM is doing.
My pleasure folks, all part of the subscription...
And on that educational high, let's leave it there! Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks.
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Tuesday 26th June 2012 - The Journey Home
21:49 All stations to Amersham
Good evening. Day 2 of the week and the second joker of the week has been used. Today we had one of our quarterly meetings at work followed by din dins at Vanilla Black, which is a vegetarian restaurant near work.
If you like salt, it's fantastic. If you like something a bit different (salt), it's fantastic. The pudding was actually rather good, as was the starter of cold soup with mint and the main of goats cheese and random spring roll style bits
The lady looking after us could have been slightly more welcoming though, and between me and you seemed a bit narked as she had us down for dinner at 6:30, rather the 7:45 when we finally rocked up. I reckon the salt on everything was probably her spitting on the food, but thats still technically vegetarian right?
All in all a 2.75 out of 5, and I reckon that's me sorted for salt intake for this month.
On with the show...
Thought for the day: What if you meet the girl of your dreams in your dreams...
Fact of the day: The average person spends over 121 hours a year on the toilet. I shit you not...
Found a discarded paper, so let's have a look. "Big Ben clock tower to be renamed as The Elizabeth Tower. Nice.
There is a pic of the spice girls who have got together after 4 yrs to launch their west end musical 'viva forever!'
Hmm, my neighbour used to have a vauxhall viva and it didn't last 2 months...that's all I'm saying dear blog readers...
Let's finish with some good news: I've just opened a shoe shop. So far I've successfully kept everyone away from it...
Right folks, soon time to head back to work! Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Good evening. Day 2 of the week and the second joker of the week has been used. Today we had one of our quarterly meetings at work followed by din dins at Vanilla Black, which is a vegetarian restaurant near work.
If you like salt, it's fantastic. If you like something a bit different (salt), it's fantastic. The pudding was actually rather good, as was the starter of cold soup with mint and the main of goats cheese and random spring roll style bits
The lady looking after us could have been slightly more welcoming though, and between me and you seemed a bit narked as she had us down for dinner at 6:30, rather the 7:45 when we finally rocked up. I reckon the salt on everything was probably her spitting on the food, but thats still technically vegetarian right?
All in all a 2.75 out of 5, and I reckon that's me sorted for salt intake for this month.
On with the show...
Thought for the day: What if you meet the girl of your dreams in your dreams...
Fact of the day: The average person spends over 121 hours a year on the toilet. I shit you not...
Found a discarded paper, so let's have a look. "Big Ben clock tower to be renamed as The Elizabeth Tower. Nice.
There is a pic of the spice girls who have got together after 4 yrs to launch their west end musical 'viva forever!'
Hmm, my neighbour used to have a vauxhall viva and it didn't last 2 months...that's all I'm saying dear blog readers...
Let's finish with some good news: I've just opened a shoe shop. So far I've successfully kept everyone away from it...
Right folks, soon time to head back to work! Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Monday 25 June 2012
Monday 25th June 2012 - The Journey Home
21:09 All stations to Uxbridge
Good evening gang. Hope you have recovered from last night. All I can say is....where was the guy from the Mars Bar advert when we needed him...
Cheer up England. At least we can now concentrate on putting John Terry in prison...
Seriously, I think with what we've got, we did as well as we did. I overheard my mum say exactly the same thing to my dad when Preeti said she would marry me...
So today's new saying "New balls pls". That reminds me, did you see Serena play today...(sorry bit rude but it's past 9pm right)
I don't have the newspaper, so just gonna have to use other bits to keep you entertained tonight.
Apologies for the no show on Friday, but it was our work do, so after the mixing of drinks (coke, followed my lemonade and orange juice, followed by orange juice and lemonade, let me tell you...I was in no state to tube and blog at the same time...
Today's advert is "Curtains you can open with a remote control". How shit is that? All I wanted to do was change channels to something risqué on Channel 4 and now everyone can see me in my birthday suit from the 10th floor of my lastminute.com hotel...
Ooh ooh, bloke next to me has a paper. "Natwest opens on a Sunday for the first time". Nice, what do they want? a bank holiday? (see what I did there)
Right, time to catch a few zzzz's. Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Good evening gang. Hope you have recovered from last night. All I can say is....where was the guy from the Mars Bar advert when we needed him...
Cheer up England. At least we can now concentrate on putting John Terry in prison...
Seriously, I think with what we've got, we did as well as we did. I overheard my mum say exactly the same thing to my dad when Preeti said she would marry me...
So today's new saying "New balls pls". That reminds me, did you see Serena play today...(sorry bit rude but it's past 9pm right)
I don't have the newspaper, so just gonna have to use other bits to keep you entertained tonight.
Apologies for the no show on Friday, but it was our work do, so after the mixing of drinks (coke, followed my lemonade and orange juice, followed by orange juice and lemonade, let me tell you...I was in no state to tube and blog at the same time...
Today's advert is "Curtains you can open with a remote control". How shit is that? All I wanted to do was change channels to something risqué on Channel 4 and now everyone can see me in my birthday suit from the 10th floor of my lastminute.com hotel...
Ooh ooh, bloke next to me has a paper. "Natwest opens on a Sunday for the first time". Nice, what do they want? a bank holiday? (see what I did there)
Right, time to catch a few zzzz's. Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Thursday 21 June 2012
Thursday 21st June 2012 - The Journey Home
18:26 All stations to Uxbridge
Welcome. Take a seat, the show will begin shortly...
Well hello folks, how are you all. Sorry for being a little bit late but my flight back from Jersey was delayed...
Hope you all got that last bit. Got to keep up with the news right?
A large lady has just sat on my suit jacket. Nice, saves ironing it right? Hope the apple mum gave me this morning hasn't been converted to a slice though.
That reminds me, I accidently left an apple outside my local GP's surgery this morning. He won't be able to get in.
Think about it folks, hope you got it. (apple a day..Dr away)...yeeeah good one Kawks.
Advert for the day (remember that slot), is for Farnborough Airshow 2012. It has the tagline "Spectacular in the air..and amazing on the ground". Woah sounds a lot like Stevie G to me.
Don't know about you, but those air shows feel a bit of let down if there aren't any little crashes...
So it's story time. Went to the Bar in the square with work folk today and
I was standing at the bar when this lady came up to me and said "Fancy buying me a drink?"
Being the polite chap I am (good Indian upbringing), I replied "If you let me choose."
She grinned, "But how do you know what I want?"
"Well, it's kind of a talent" I smiled, "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."
"OK", she giggled. "You can choose for me."
So I looked at the barman and said,"Diet coke mate."...
Boom. Sorry, that was 2 fatty boom boom jokes in one blog..will leave them alone for a bit now...they will be used to that anyway...
Across from me there is a bloke who nearly choked swallowing a tablet. I'm not surprised though, those iPads are bloody huge.
Right think I've offended everyone so probably best to leave it there!
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Welcome. Take a seat, the show will begin shortly...
Well hello folks, how are you all. Sorry for being a little bit late but my flight back from Jersey was delayed...
Hope you all got that last bit. Got to keep up with the news right?
A large lady has just sat on my suit jacket. Nice, saves ironing it right? Hope the apple mum gave me this morning hasn't been converted to a slice though.
That reminds me, I accidently left an apple outside my local GP's surgery this morning. He won't be able to get in.
Think about it folks, hope you got it. (apple a day..Dr away)...yeeeah good one Kawks.
Advert for the day (remember that slot), is for Farnborough Airshow 2012. It has the tagline "Spectacular in the air..and amazing on the ground". Woah sounds a lot like Stevie G to me.
Don't know about you, but those air shows feel a bit of let down if there aren't any little crashes...
So it's story time. Went to the Bar in the square with work folk today and
I was standing at the bar when this lady came up to me and said "Fancy buying me a drink?"
Being the polite chap I am (good Indian upbringing), I replied "If you let me choose."
She grinned, "But how do you know what I want?"
"Well, it's kind of a talent" I smiled, "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."
"OK", she giggled. "You can choose for me."
So I looked at the barman and said,"Diet coke mate."...
Boom. Sorry, that was 2 fatty boom boom jokes in one blog..will leave them alone for a bit now...they will be used to that anyway...
Across from me there is a bloke who nearly choked swallowing a tablet. I'm not surprised though, those iPads are bloody huge.
Right think I've offended everyone so probably best to leave it there!
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday 20 June 2012
Wednesday 20th June 2012 - The Journey Home
18:19 Semi fast to Watford
What a lovely day.
Have a great sleep
A small man called Kawks.
What? You want more? Oh ok then.
Headline today is "Boris wants to run our schools". Nice.
Hey before I forget, got to tell you about what happened last night. I had a dream that came true.I dreamt I was awake and when I woke up I was...woah scary stuff!
You know that saying "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have"? What a load of baloney! I'm now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume...
Back to my Homer Simpson outfit tomorrow...
So no footy today, not sure what do to for 2 hrs now. Might have to chat to that woman who cooks me dinner and generally looks after me...
Right better think what to talk about, so best to leave it there.
Ta Ta
What a lovely day.
Have a great sleep
A small man called Kawks.
What? You want more? Oh ok then.
Headline today is "Boris wants to run our schools". Nice.
Hey before I forget, got to tell you about what happened last night. I had a dream that came true.I dreamt I was awake and when I woke up I was...woah scary stuff!
You know that saying "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have"? What a load of baloney! I'm now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume...
Back to my Homer Simpson outfit tomorrow...
So no footy today, not sure what do to for 2 hrs now. Might have to chat to that woman who cooks me dinner and generally looks after me...
Right better think what to talk about, so best to leave it there.
Ta Ta
Tuesday 19 June 2012
Tuesday 19th June 2012 - The Journey Home
18:17 Semi fast to Watford
Come on England
Come on sun
Don't make us shout
Let's have some fun
Hello folks, so here we go again! Hope your looking forward to 7:45 tonight. I bloody love coronation street...
Roy Hodgson has tried to reassure any nervous England fans by saying 'Wayne Rooney has been scoring lots in training.' So our defence is shite, thanks Roy...
Reading in the paper that Nelson Mandela has been out of Prison for 14 years now and has not re-offended. Proof that jail works?...
The train is packed with like minded corrie fans so typing one handed. What I'm saying folks is that this won't be a long blog...
Woah just heard that there are problems on the line. Person ill on the train at Hillingdon and points failure at Uxbridge. Was about to do a big 'humphhh', then realised that neither will affect me as I get off at Rayners so thought - never mind these things happen...
Got a fact of the day for you and it's footy related. Got to keep it topical right? Did you know that Danny Welbeck dad is a bomb disposal expert called Stan? Boom!
The headline and most of the paper today is all about Rooney and how he will be the saviour. One report even compares him to Pele. Hmmm. Think
the closest Wayne Rooney is going to get to being like Pele is by having erection problems...
Right, and on that high, probably best to say that's your lot and have a great game!
A small man called Kawks.
Come on England
Come on sun
Don't make us shout
Let's have some fun
Hello folks, so here we go again! Hope your looking forward to 7:45 tonight. I bloody love coronation street...
Roy Hodgson has tried to reassure any nervous England fans by saying 'Wayne Rooney has been scoring lots in training.' So our defence is shite, thanks Roy...
Reading in the paper that Nelson Mandela has been out of Prison for 14 years now and has not re-offended. Proof that jail works?...
The train is packed with like minded corrie fans so typing one handed. What I'm saying folks is that this won't be a long blog...
Woah just heard that there are problems on the line. Person ill on the train at Hillingdon and points failure at Uxbridge. Was about to do a big 'humphhh', then realised that neither will affect me as I get off at Rayners so thought - never mind these things happen...
Got a fact of the day for you and it's footy related. Got to keep it topical right? Did you know that Danny Welbeck dad is a bomb disposal expert called Stan? Boom!
The headline and most of the paper today is all about Rooney and how he will be the saviour. One report even compares him to Pele. Hmmm. Think
the closest Wayne Rooney is going to get to being like Pele is by having erection problems...
Right, and on that high, probably best to say that's your lot and have a great game!
A small man called Kawks.
Monday 18 June 2012
Monday 18 June 2012 - The Journey Home
18:31 All stations to North Acton
Good evening gang. I trust you all ha lovely weekends and for the fathers in the group, you got fantastic FD presents. I'm certainly getting some interesting looks on the tube with my Homer Simpson slippers!
Headline is "Cricket star, 23 killed on Tube". Oh dear.
Really enjoying the footy everyday.
Preeti walked in and saw me watching the Germany vs Denmark game."Oh no! Football again? Can't we change the channel and watch something better than this!?" she moaned. "Sure babe," I said, turning it over to the Portugal vs Holland game...
In my opinion this England side already has its place booked in the final. Row B seats 21-32...
Next headline is "bus staff want £100 more each time they strike" woah...
Thought for the day: You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google...
There are hardly any people on this tube, so wondering if people are practising for the Olympics?...
Right, let's leave it there as I need to have a scratch. these slippers can get a bit itchy on the tube...
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Good evening gang. I trust you all ha lovely weekends and for the fathers in the group, you got fantastic FD presents. I'm certainly getting some interesting looks on the tube with my Homer Simpson slippers!
Headline is "Cricket star, 23 killed on Tube". Oh dear.
Really enjoying the footy everyday.
Preeti walked in and saw me watching the Germany vs Denmark game."Oh no! Football again? Can't we change the channel and watch something better than this!?" she moaned. "Sure babe," I said, turning it over to the Portugal vs Holland game...
In my opinion this England side already has its place booked in the final. Row B seats 21-32...
Next headline is "bus staff want £100 more each time they strike" woah...
Thought for the day: You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google...
There are hardly any people on this tube, so wondering if people are practising for the Olympics?...
Right, let's leave it there as I need to have a scratch. these slippers can get a bit itchy on the tube...
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Friday 15 June 2012
Friday 16th June 2012 - The Journey home
18:27 All stations to Uxbridge
Woo hoo. You know the rest. The train is jam packed and I couldn't even get my iPhone out of my pocket till Great Portland Street.
Left work a bit early to watch the Ukraine match on TV? Who is this 'Itzbin Raindov' bloke everybody is talking about...and why has the match not started yet?
Should be an interesting match. Ran some algorithmic hyperbole simulations at work regarding the England match and it said we would win 2-1.
Despite what some people think, England have played entertaining and beautiful football. Usually against it...
There is a man with a backpack, beard and reading some Arabic scriptures on his iPhone. Err racist. Sure he's here on holiday and he normally chants ahead of the England match. Oh, I think someone is calling me at the far end of the train, must dash...
Right, in the drivers carriage now so we can continue.
There is a woman next to me just holding a random bunch of flowers. No paper wrapping, just as they come out the ground. Nice...
Thought for the day: Broken glass tastes just like blood...
There is a chinese dude walking through the tube handing out leaflets. Listening in, think his name is tay kwon...
Oh, forgot to tell you that yesterday, I lent Preeti a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me...
Right folks, have a good one and see you all soon. Have a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Woo hoo. You know the rest. The train is jam packed and I couldn't even get my iPhone out of my pocket till Great Portland Street.
Left work a bit early to watch the Ukraine match on TV? Who is this 'Itzbin Raindov' bloke everybody is talking about...and why has the match not started yet?
Should be an interesting match. Ran some algorithmic hyperbole simulations at work regarding the England match and it said we would win 2-1.
Despite what some people think, England have played entertaining and beautiful football. Usually against it...
There is a man with a backpack, beard and reading some Arabic scriptures on his iPhone. Err racist. Sure he's here on holiday and he normally chants ahead of the England match. Oh, I think someone is calling me at the far end of the train, must dash...
Right, in the drivers carriage now so we can continue.
There is a woman next to me just holding a random bunch of flowers. No paper wrapping, just as they come out the ground. Nice...
Thought for the day: Broken glass tastes just like blood...
There is a chinese dude walking through the tube handing out leaflets. Listening in, think his name is tay kwon...
Oh, forgot to tell you that yesterday, I lent Preeti a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me...
Right folks, have a good one and see you all soon. Have a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Thursday 14 June 2012
Thursday 14th June 2012 - The Journey Home
19:34 Semi fast to Watford
Good news to share peeps. I went to the right country on the right day yesterday. Lovely long day, waking up at 3:43am (why do people always have to wake up at rounded time...live a little like me). I digress, where was I. Oh yeah, 3:43am woke Preeti up to tell her I would make my own tea (she last weeks blog for the joke) and then left for the airport at 5am to T5. Anyway, the day went really well and got back home at 8:30pm. Obviously no tube journey so no blog. As we Indians like to say "Rules are Rules"...
Today my dear blog readers is the anniversary of when Preeti came to the UK after we got married. 18 lovely years ago. She thought I had forgotten about her as she couldn't see us at arrivals. I was much shorter in those days...
It was a good job I had a picture to remind me of what she looked like as my "wedding interview" last 43 minutes and then a couple of days later, we got married and I came home. I mean how is a man supposed to remember what his wife looks like after not seeing her for 3 months...I learnt a lot from this little tale. I took a picture of a bulldog for when my mother in law first visited...
Woah, just seen the back page and it says that Harry Rednapp has left Spurs! He must be the first manager in history to have buckled under the pressure of the England job without actually having it...
Fact of the day: According to a recent survey, erectile dysfunction is no longer on the rise.
Let's check out the headlines. "Cameron: my 1,000 meetings to woo the media". Woooo h.
There is a brilliant story of the tourist who broke down near Buckingham palace. He left a lovely letter saying he had broken down and was waiting for the AA. He thought as he was 15 minutes away from the Palace, he decided to go and have a look, only to find his car has been blown up by the security forces, and then given a parking ticket. Brilliant. What did he expect. Indian looking dude (with a beard and hat) just walking off...
Right, let's leave it there..well actually perhaps not! Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Good news to share peeps. I went to the right country on the right day yesterday. Lovely long day, waking up at 3:43am (why do people always have to wake up at rounded time...live a little like me). I digress, where was I. Oh yeah, 3:43am woke Preeti up to tell her I would make my own tea (she last weeks blog for the joke) and then left for the airport at 5am to T5. Anyway, the day went really well and got back home at 8:30pm. Obviously no tube journey so no blog. As we Indians like to say "Rules are Rules"...
Today my dear blog readers is the anniversary of when Preeti came to the UK after we got married. 18 lovely years ago. She thought I had forgotten about her as she couldn't see us at arrivals. I was much shorter in those days...
It was a good job I had a picture to remind me of what she looked like as my "wedding interview" last 43 minutes and then a couple of days later, we got married and I came home. I mean how is a man supposed to remember what his wife looks like after not seeing her for 3 months...I learnt a lot from this little tale. I took a picture of a bulldog for when my mother in law first visited...
Woah, just seen the back page and it says that Harry Rednapp has left Spurs! He must be the first manager in history to have buckled under the pressure of the England job without actually having it...
Fact of the day: According to a recent survey, erectile dysfunction is no longer on the rise.
Let's check out the headlines. "Cameron: my 1,000 meetings to woo the media". Woooo h.
There is a brilliant story of the tourist who broke down near Buckingham palace. He left a lovely letter saying he had broken down and was waiting for the AA. He thought as he was 15 minutes away from the Palace, he decided to go and have a look, only to find his car has been blown up by the security forces, and then given a parking ticket. Brilliant. What did he expect. Indian looking dude (with a beard and hat) just walking off...
Right, let's leave it there..well actually perhaps not! Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Tuesday 12 June 2012
Tuesday 15th June 2012 - The Journey Home
18:04 All stations to Uxbridge
Well hello there. Sorry for the no show yesterday, but the train was packed and I bumped into my sister so we chatted instead.
45 days to go...
The headline today is what the opening ceremony for the games is gonna look like. It's going to cost £27m so the fireworks better not be "ha va gay la"...
The ceremony will be inspired by the British countryside. Expect a burnt-out Ford Mondeo and at least one abandoned fridge...
There's a story about how apparently blind people think we discriminate against them for reading in braille. Well I'm sorry they feel that way...
Just reading about Ushers concert at the Hammersmith Apollo. Got 4 stars out of 5, and looks like everyone had a lovely time. Makes me wanna go...O oo o o oo.
There is a lady opposite reading a booklet on "Phytospecific". This is apparently a posh word or hair and skin care..there you've finally learnt something from this blog...
Hey, just seen that its Fathers Day on Thursday. Who hoo. There is a special 4 page special on what to get you dad. I've pulled this section away and will leave it for Raj and Preeti to study, with some items circled. (including a Nikon D3200 so so I can take better pics of random people on the tube).
Right, going sleep now as I'm going to Denmark (again) tomorrow.
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Well hello there. Sorry for the no show yesterday, but the train was packed and I bumped into my sister so we chatted instead.
45 days to go...
The headline today is what the opening ceremony for the games is gonna look like. It's going to cost £27m so the fireworks better not be "ha va gay la"...
The ceremony will be inspired by the British countryside. Expect a burnt-out Ford Mondeo and at least one abandoned fridge...
There's a story about how apparently blind people think we discriminate against them for reading in braille. Well I'm sorry they feel that way...
Just reading about Ushers concert at the Hammersmith Apollo. Got 4 stars out of 5, and looks like everyone had a lovely time. Makes me wanna go...O oo o o oo.
There is a lady opposite reading a booklet on "Phytospecific". This is apparently a posh word or hair and skin care..there you've finally learnt something from this blog...
Hey, just seen that its Fathers Day on Thursday. Who hoo. There is a special 4 page special on what to get you dad. I've pulled this section away and will leave it for Raj and Preeti to study, with some items circled. (including a Nikon D3200 so so I can take better pics of random people on the tube).
Right, going sleep now as I'm going to Denmark (again) tomorrow.
Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Friday 8 June 2012
Friday 8th June 2012 - The Journey Home
18:07 Semi Fast to Watford
Woah, didn't the week go by fast! It felt like a 3 day week to me.
Let's crack on. 2 ladies are talking about food. Whether to go to Maccy D's or Nandos. La di da...
Lady opposite is reading 'fifty shades of grey" by EL James. On page 23 and she still looks interested.
Headline today is 'England plea to stamp out Racism'. Wonder if Terry will be their spokesman?
Hope you all have great plans for the weekend. I am planning on opening up a time capsule I made as a kid. I can't wait to see how pig my puppy is...
Thought for the day: I've never seen a tombstone that read "Died from not forwarding that email to 10 people"
Woah, just read that M & S are going to launch a bank in London next month. It won't be an ordinary Bank, it will be...(Audience participation time)
ooh, just seen that the euro millions is worth £126m tonight. It has the strapline (Tonight. It just keeps getting bigger).
Which reminds me of one of my chat up lines, but probably best to leave it there...ahem. Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks.
Woah, didn't the week go by fast! It felt like a 3 day week to me.
Let's crack on. 2 ladies are talking about food. Whether to go to Maccy D's or Nandos. La di da...
Lady opposite is reading 'fifty shades of grey" by EL James. On page 23 and she still looks interested.
Headline today is 'England plea to stamp out Racism'. Wonder if Terry will be their spokesman?
Hope you all have great plans for the weekend. I am planning on opening up a time capsule I made as a kid. I can't wait to see how pig my puppy is...
Thought for the day: I've never seen a tombstone that read "Died from not forwarding that email to 10 people"
Woah, just read that M & S are going to launch a bank in London next month. It won't be an ordinary Bank, it will be...(Audience participation time)
ooh, just seen that the euro millions is worth £126m tonight. It has the strapline (Tonight. It just keeps getting bigger).
Which reminds me of one of my chat up lines, but probably best to leave it there...ahem. Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks.
Thursday 7 June 2012
Thursday 7th June 2012 - The Journey Home
19:27 Semi Fast to Watford
Hello gang. And yes, before you ask, I went to all the right meetings in the right countries today! Doh!
Not done a normal blog for ages. Let's look around...
Emma (I know that as she has a label on her laptop) has been tapping away on her Dell computer since I joined the tube. She seems very diligent and making lots of edits to her document, referring to her hand written notes every few moments.
The girl next to her has clearly given up on Summer and is wearing a coat and scarf. You forgot the gloves love...
It's just been announced that the strain is running 4 mins EARLY so we are gonna stay at Baker Street for a bit. Nice...
Obviously for someone as efficient as Emma, this was not good enough as she has left the train to type her notes on another train...
Preeti rang earlier to tell me about the Honda as it had its MoT today.
"How did it go?"
"Well..." she replied. "The steering's knackered, the headlights need work, the bumper needs replacing, the suspension's buggered and the clutch is sticking."
"I take it that's a fail," I said sarcastically.
"Oh, no," she replied. "It passed. I did all that on the way home."...
Boom!
Headline today is "water bungle floods tube" - with 2m litres of water. Eoah, I thought there was a drought in this country!
Today folks, there are only 50 days to go till the Olympics start. Whoo hoo. And guess who had their table tennis tickets delivered on Saturday. They even come with free travel to the venue. What more could you possible want...ping pong, ding along...
And that's just whose playing...
Sticking with the theme, I see that Usain Bolt thinks he's capable of running at 40mph. You might think that's good, but if he hits a child there's an 80% chance they will die...
Anyone seen the new Samsung Galaxy
S3. It has a tag line of "Designed for humans". Aren't all phones made for that purpose?...
Right, thing that will do for today. Have a great sleep.
A small man called Kawks
Hello gang. And yes, before you ask, I went to all the right meetings in the right countries today! Doh!
Not done a normal blog for ages. Let's look around...
Emma (I know that as she has a label on her laptop) has been tapping away on her Dell computer since I joined the tube. She seems very diligent and making lots of edits to her document, referring to her hand written notes every few moments.
The girl next to her has clearly given up on Summer and is wearing a coat and scarf. You forgot the gloves love...
It's just been announced that the strain is running 4 mins EARLY so we are gonna stay at Baker Street for a bit. Nice...
Obviously for someone as efficient as Emma, this was not good enough as she has left the train to type her notes on another train...
Preeti rang earlier to tell me about the Honda as it had its MoT today.
"How did it go?"
"Well..." she replied. "The steering's knackered, the headlights need work, the bumper needs replacing, the suspension's buggered and the clutch is sticking."
"I take it that's a fail," I said sarcastically.
"Oh, no," she replied. "It passed. I did all that on the way home."...
Boom!
Headline today is "water bungle floods tube" - with 2m litres of water. Eoah, I thought there was a drought in this country!
Today folks, there are only 50 days to go till the Olympics start. Whoo hoo. And guess who had their table tennis tickets delivered on Saturday. They even come with free travel to the venue. What more could you possible want...ping pong, ding along...
And that's just whose playing...
Sticking with the theme, I see that Usain Bolt thinks he's capable of running at 40mph. You might think that's good, but if he hits a child there's an 80% chance they will die...
Anyone seen the new Samsung Galaxy
S3. It has a tag line of "Designed for humans". Aren't all phones made for that purpose?...
Right, thing that will do for today. Have a great sleep.
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday 6 June 2012
Wednesday 6th June 2012 - Blog special
05:00 Taxi to Airport
Good morning folks. I won't raise my voice as its well early and the neighbours are probably still asleep.
To make up for the no show the last couple of days, thought I would make it up to you with a blog special.
This morning my journey is to a meeting in Copenhagen, Denmark. Off for a day trip and back in the evening,
Had 2 missed calls from the taxi man who got here at 4.45am, but he will have to wait as Preeti hasn't made my tea yet...Before you say anything, I did wake her up to say that I'll make my own tea, but luckily by having this conversation, she was awake so said she would do it!
The taxi man talked non stop to the Airport. He told me 2 long (boring) stories. The first involved him recounting in great detail how he 2 yrs ago (he's been mini-cabbing for 3) gave 2 missed calls to a customer and had to wait 10 minutes before the bloke came out. Then, he recited the story of the black women (not sure of how this is really relevant) who said that she will be 5 minutes, came out after 5 minutes and said she will be 5 minutes...you get the jist..in the end it was 20mins. She wanted to go to Gatwick (55miles) and she now only had an hour to her flight and they encountered traffic, fog and breaking the odd speed limit. With 10 mins to go, she made it, but not before a load of tears from her about not making the flight.
So the thought for the day is 'wear headphones or sunglasses if you don't want to hear stories from the cab driver.
I couldn't even be bothered to ask him the 2 standard questions.
1. What time you working till
2. Been doing this long (as he had already told me)
He told me how much he loved his job and how he was his own master and no one was gonna order him about. To which I said, 'Turn left here'...(copyright Jimmy Carr).
Got the flight and landed at 9:30am (Denmark time), didn't see any of the other Deloitte people though it was a full flight. Little worried about that...
Not sure about the breakfast. It was a cheese sandwich which I thought was fine, until I read it closer and it was Brie! In economy as well, what's wrong with Cheddar or Red Leicester? And it had bloody grapes in it as well. Just drank the orange juice and fell asleep.
OMG!!!! Just been confirmed that I'm a tad early for the meeting, and it's actually next Wednesday! Oops.
Changed my flight from this evening to one at 2pm and spent the morning in the Hilton reception area doing emails.
Thought about doing some sightseeing but a bit boring on your own so will just pretend I'm a hotel customer.
Right, think after today, got another story to tell the grandkids! Talk about 'The Journey Home!'
Have a great flight...
A small man called Kawks
Good morning folks. I won't raise my voice as its well early and the neighbours are probably still asleep.
To make up for the no show the last couple of days, thought I would make it up to you with a blog special.
This morning my journey is to a meeting in Copenhagen, Denmark. Off for a day trip and back in the evening,
Had 2 missed calls from the taxi man who got here at 4.45am, but he will have to wait as Preeti hasn't made my tea yet...Before you say anything, I did wake her up to say that I'll make my own tea, but luckily by having this conversation, she was awake so said she would do it!
The taxi man talked non stop to the Airport. He told me 2 long (boring) stories. The first involved him recounting in great detail how he 2 yrs ago (he's been mini-cabbing for 3) gave 2 missed calls to a customer and had to wait 10 minutes before the bloke came out. Then, he recited the story of the black women (not sure of how this is really relevant) who said that she will be 5 minutes, came out after 5 minutes and said she will be 5 minutes...you get the jist..in the end it was 20mins. She wanted to go to Gatwick (55miles) and she now only had an hour to her flight and they encountered traffic, fog and breaking the odd speed limit. With 10 mins to go, she made it, but not before a load of tears from her about not making the flight.
So the thought for the day is 'wear headphones or sunglasses if you don't want to hear stories from the cab driver.
I couldn't even be bothered to ask him the 2 standard questions.
1. What time you working till
2. Been doing this long (as he had already told me)
He told me how much he loved his job and how he was his own master and no one was gonna order him about. To which I said, 'Turn left here'...(copyright Jimmy Carr).
Got the flight and landed at 9:30am (Denmark time), didn't see any of the other Deloitte people though it was a full flight. Little worried about that...
Not sure about the breakfast. It was a cheese sandwich which I thought was fine, until I read it closer and it was Brie! In economy as well, what's wrong with Cheddar or Red Leicester? And it had bloody grapes in it as well. Just drank the orange juice and fell asleep.
OMG!!!! Just been confirmed that I'm a tad early for the meeting, and it's actually next Wednesday! Oops.
Changed my flight from this evening to one at 2pm and spent the morning in the Hilton reception area doing emails.
Thought about doing some sightseeing but a bit boring on your own so will just pretend I'm a hotel customer.
Right, think after today, got another story to tell the grandkids! Talk about 'The Journey Home!'
Have a great flight...
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday 30 May 2012
Wednesday 30th May 2012 - The Journey Home
19:48 Semi fast to Watford
Good evening. Yes, as you can see it's a late train home for me, but there we go.
Glad u liked the 'yo mamma' joke yesterday. Will pull out another one when ratings start to dip!
I hope you are all coming out on Sunday to see the 1,000 boats parade on the Thames. They are expecting 1m people to turn out and that doesn't include the Queen. It says in the paper that there will be 13,000 officers guarding her. Nice...
Gonna do Sports stories next. Mario Balotelli has said he will kill anyone who throws a banana at him. Presumably, starting with his hairdresser, who's put one on his head...
There is a story about a top city lawyer who has been jailed for 3 years for committing expenses fraud of £1.2m. Errr harram...He's paid it all back now so that's ok right...
Thought of the day: You know you're on shaky ground when your new business cards are just Post-It notes...
Today's exciting story at lunchtime. So I went to Boots (meal deal £3.79 where I find the most expensive veg sandwich, crisps and that smoothie that is £2.50 on its own saving £1.80). Sorry I digress.
Anyhow, I go downstairs to also pick up some vitamins now located next to the photo centre where this bloke is having a chat with the photo man who had come in to pick up his holiday pics.
The photo man kindly asked him if he wanted the negatives, which the chap thought was rather a good idea. until the bloke goes "Your wife's got big teeth and a saggy bum."
Boom! Now it's time for a lovely sleep so see you tomorrow.
A small man called Kawks
Good evening. Yes, as you can see it's a late train home for me, but there we go.
Glad u liked the 'yo mamma' joke yesterday. Will pull out another one when ratings start to dip!
I hope you are all coming out on Sunday to see the 1,000 boats parade on the Thames. They are expecting 1m people to turn out and that doesn't include the Queen. It says in the paper that there will be 13,000 officers guarding her. Nice...
Gonna do Sports stories next. Mario Balotelli has said he will kill anyone who throws a banana at him. Presumably, starting with his hairdresser, who's put one on his head...
There is a story about a top city lawyer who has been jailed for 3 years for committing expenses fraud of £1.2m. Errr harram...He's paid it all back now so that's ok right...
Thought of the day: You know you're on shaky ground when your new business cards are just Post-It notes...
Today's exciting story at lunchtime. So I went to Boots (meal deal £3.79 where I find the most expensive veg sandwich, crisps and that smoothie that is £2.50 on its own saving £1.80). Sorry I digress.
Anyhow, I go downstairs to also pick up some vitamins now located next to the photo centre where this bloke is having a chat with the photo man who had come in to pick up his holiday pics.
The photo man kindly asked him if he wanted the negatives, which the chap thought was rather a good idea. until the bloke goes "Your wife's got big teeth and a saggy bum."
Boom! Now it's time for a lovely sleep so see you tomorrow.
A small man called Kawks
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Tuesday 29th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:27 All stations to Uxbridge
Good Evening. And that was the end of the lovely weather me thinks. Maybe I should have worn the suit jacket me thinks...
Still, nice whilst it lasted huh...there a rude joke there but lets move on...
There are no alien heads to capture so far, but watch this space.
Just reading that a scientific expert has said that modern technology will soon abolish the need for paper altogether. Sure... let's see him wiping his bum with an iPad...
There are 2 blokes chatting away. let's listen in!
Bloke 1 is asking his mate if he had always been faithful to his wife.
Woah , this is an interesting conversation for the 18:27 all stations to Uxbridge me thinks!
Bloke 2 has replied "In all the years I've been married, my lips have never touched those of another woman."
Wowza! That's commitment me thinks. Hang on, there's more...
"It's just prostitutes don't like that sort of thing."
Ahhh, wasn't expecting that!
Ahem. Best to probably leave it there! Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Good Evening. And that was the end of the lovely weather me thinks. Maybe I should have worn the suit jacket me thinks...
Still, nice whilst it lasted huh...there a rude joke there but lets move on...
There are no alien heads to capture so far, but watch this space.
Just reading that a scientific expert has said that modern technology will soon abolish the need for paper altogether. Sure... let's see him wiping his bum with an iPad...
There are 2 blokes chatting away. let's listen in!
Bloke 1 is asking his mate if he had always been faithful to his wife.
Woah , this is an interesting conversation for the 18:27 all stations to Uxbridge me thinks!
Bloke 2 has replied "In all the years I've been married, my lips have never touched those of another woman."
Wowza! That's commitment me thinks. Hang on, there's more...
"It's just prostitutes don't like that sort of thing."
Ahhh, wasn't expecting that!
Ahem. Best to probably leave it there! Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Monday 28 May 2012
Monday 28th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:35 Semi Fast to Watford
Well hello there people. And what a fantastic weekend of lovely weather. We did a touristy thing of walking in Green Park, past Buck palace then all the way to Tower Hill and London Bridge. The good news is that despite reports to the contrary, it doesn't appear to be falling down. Phew!
It made us think how lucky we are to live in London and we still have the Olympics to come!
This blog is sponsored by Boris Johnson and the City of London Corporation...
Right, let's get on with the show...
My dog has a very big ego. Everytime someone knocks the door, he runs to it barking, assuming it's for him...
Headline today is : " A police visit for all crime victims". Woah! What about if the offence was being taken in by fake coppers?
Oh forgot to tell you about a drama we had on Friday. I called out a 24 hour plumber but when he got here he didn't seem to know what he was doing. I said to him, "So how long have you been a plumber?" "24 hours." He replied...
Seriously, there was a riot in our street last night, when we found the hosepipe ban is not going to be lifted. Luckily the police brought it quickly under control with the use of water-cannon...
Still standing as I haven't got a seat on the new (rubbish) train and we are already at Baker Street.
Watched the Semi finals of the Voice and the two favourites are out! (is it cos I is black?)..sadly it most probably is. Not sure a black person has ever won a public vote. And no, Leona Lewis don't count as a) she a horse and b) she is of mixed breed.
So who watched Eurovision contest on Saturday? What were we thinking? Hump, I know your a Leicester boy, but it was always doomed to fail. I liked the Russian grannies act the best. Do you think that the reason they were all shapes and sizes is so they can fit into one of those Russian dolls at the end?
My neighbours kid has actually just got back from Baku. Not sure how it's going to help with his exams but his parents kept telling him to 'go and do Eurovision'....your revision..get it...
And on that note, probably best to wish you a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Well hello there people. And what a fantastic weekend of lovely weather. We did a touristy thing of walking in Green Park, past Buck palace then all the way to Tower Hill and London Bridge. The good news is that despite reports to the contrary, it doesn't appear to be falling down. Phew!
It made us think how lucky we are to live in London and we still have the Olympics to come!
This blog is sponsored by Boris Johnson and the City of London Corporation...
Right, let's get on with the show...
My dog has a very big ego. Everytime someone knocks the door, he runs to it barking, assuming it's for him...
Headline today is : " A police visit for all crime victims". Woah! What about if the offence was being taken in by fake coppers?
Oh forgot to tell you about a drama we had on Friday. I called out a 24 hour plumber but when he got here he didn't seem to know what he was doing. I said to him, "So how long have you been a plumber?" "24 hours." He replied...
Seriously, there was a riot in our street last night, when we found the hosepipe ban is not going to be lifted. Luckily the police brought it quickly under control with the use of water-cannon...
Still standing as I haven't got a seat on the new (rubbish) train and we are already at Baker Street.
Watched the Semi finals of the Voice and the two favourites are out! (is it cos I is black?)..sadly it most probably is. Not sure a black person has ever won a public vote. And no, Leona Lewis don't count as a) she a horse and b) she is of mixed breed.
So who watched Eurovision contest on Saturday? What were we thinking? Hump, I know your a Leicester boy, but it was always doomed to fail. I liked the Russian grannies act the best. Do you think that the reason they were all shapes and sizes is so they can fit into one of those Russian dolls at the end?
My neighbours kid has actually just got back from Baku. Not sure how it's going to help with his exams but his parents kept telling him to 'go and do Eurovision'....your revision..get it...
And on that note, probably best to wish you a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Friday 25 May 2012
Friday 25th May - The Journey Home
18:04 All stations to Uxbridge
Whoo hoo, (you know the rest..)
Lots of beautiful people out and about. Which reminds me, you've got to admit Madonna looks great for 53. She has the body of a man half her age...
Seriously, I love the hot weather, all the short skirts come out. Although Preeti thinks I have a gender issue and shouldn't wear them...
I can't believe how many men are still wearing suits and ties today. Who are these people? The men in black?
Saw the trailer to the 3rd one and it looks crap. Gonna try and see Avengers instead over the w/e.
Err, headline in the paper is about a lloyds banker accused over £2.5m fraud. Using false invoices. Err haram...
And her job title, "head of fraud". Well I guess she lived up to that!
Also a story about a lorry carrying vodka exploded, unfortunately the driver died so no punchline on that one.
Fact of the day: The head of a fly is almost completely made up by its eyes. Yet it takes 30 minutes for it to escape from my window sill...
Not much going on the tube to report...
Thought of the day: Ironic isn't it that every time you see an obese person they're always wearing trainers...
Thought of the day 2: It's a speed bump, Get over it...
Ok, time to tell you about an incident that happened at lunch time today. So we were in the Cartoonist Pub (having an orange juice) and this girl sitting on the next table sneezed and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I took it back to her and she was really grateful and chatted to me for about 30 mins (Don't tell Preeti). Eventually, I had to ask her if she was friendly with everyone to which she replied "Only those that catch my eye..."
Thank you and good night! Wishing you a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Whoo hoo, (you know the rest..)
Lots of beautiful people out and about. Which reminds me, you've got to admit Madonna looks great for 53. She has the body of a man half her age...
Seriously, I love the hot weather, all the short skirts come out. Although Preeti thinks I have a gender issue and shouldn't wear them...
I can't believe how many men are still wearing suits and ties today. Who are these people? The men in black?
Saw the trailer to the 3rd one and it looks crap. Gonna try and see Avengers instead over the w/e.
Err, headline in the paper is about a lloyds banker accused over £2.5m fraud. Using false invoices. Err haram...
And her job title, "head of fraud". Well I guess she lived up to that!
Also a story about a lorry carrying vodka exploded, unfortunately the driver died so no punchline on that one.
Fact of the day: The head of a fly is almost completely made up by its eyes. Yet it takes 30 minutes for it to escape from my window sill...
Not much going on the tube to report...
Thought of the day: Ironic isn't it that every time you see an obese person they're always wearing trainers...
Thought of the day 2: It's a speed bump, Get over it...
Ok, time to tell you about an incident that happened at lunch time today. So we were in the Cartoonist Pub (having an orange juice) and this girl sitting on the next table sneezed and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I took it back to her and she was really grateful and chatted to me for about 30 mins (Don't tell Preeti). Eventually, I had to ask her if she was friendly with everyone to which she replied "Only those that catch my eye..."
Thank you and good night! Wishing you a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday 23 May 2012
23rd May 2012 -The Rap Home
Sunny hot day
Today, I thought rather than the normal routine, I should do a rap poem.
Here we go:
Eyes of a Hawk
They call me Kawks
Capture the image, capture the time
7ft lady, your legs are mighty fine
Ride the Met Line
When its working
18:42 on the dot
Hey kid, no need to wipe your snot (on the seat)
Hey lady, why you gone pink
Hey man, why you stink
Use some spray, make our day
Save me walking away
Hey curly hair lady, why you speaking french
Jaime jealous, jaime jealous
Seat free, everyone eyes it up
Slide and shuffle, slap and shout
Do what you need, its a jungle out there (and the smells to go with it)
Sikh man looking at cricket scores
Tapping your foot like you made a four
Music too loud, he don't care
He's not proud, but I'm not a fan of harmonica music
Kindle lady, woah slow down
Not read the last page
Who did the murder?
Was it the clown?
Met line you are like the United Nations
All colours and shapes
If that shape is a brown grape
Tru dat and a bit deep
Wishing you all a great sleep
Word... (Microsoft Office 2012 all rights reserved)
Today, I thought rather than the normal routine, I should do a rap poem.
Here we go:
Eyes of a Hawk
They call me Kawks
Capture the image, capture the time
7ft lady, your legs are mighty fine
Ride the Met Line
When its working
18:42 on the dot
Hey kid, no need to wipe your snot (on the seat)
Hey lady, why you gone pink
Hey man, why you stink
Use some spray, make our day
Save me walking away
Hey curly hair lady, why you speaking french
Jaime jealous, jaime jealous
Seat free, everyone eyes it up
Slide and shuffle, slap and shout
Do what you need, its a jungle out there (and the smells to go with it)
Sikh man looking at cricket scores
Tapping your foot like you made a four
Music too loud, he don't care
He's not proud, but I'm not a fan of harmonica music
Kindle lady, woah slow down
Not read the last page
Who did the murder?
Was it the clown?
Met line you are like the United Nations
All colours and shapes
If that shape is a brown grape
Tru dat and a bit deep
Wishing you all a great sleep
Word... (Microsoft Office 2012 all rights reserved)
Tuesday 22 May 2012
Tuesday 22nd May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:14 All stations to Uxbridge
Hello there. I'm back! Let's not mess about and start with some breaking news. The inventor of the television remote control has died at the age of 96. Have they tried turning his batteries round and smacking him against the coffee table?...
Boom. And who is thinking...wow this is too hot, bring back the drought? Nope, me neither...
Headline today is "house prices fall in London". Woah, and that's the first time in 30 months.
There is another story about the police who have been told to cheer up and smile for the Olympics! Why wouldn't they? They have had all their leave cancelled for it...
Omg, on the front page it says that Harry Rednapp could join Liverpool. Hmm. Interesting...
Whinge time: I hate it when I'm walking around the park and a dog shits and people just walk off and leave it. I'm like, "Excuse me, are you not going to pick that up?"They reply with things like, "Errr no...it's your dog."
The tube has come to a big standstill as there is something broken at Baker Street. Thankfully the new(rubbish) train has A/C and I've got a seat so that's something I guess.
Will:I am has said he wants to make London his new home. Great, will do wonders for sellers of auto tune gadgets in the UK. Also Geri from the spice girls is in line to take over from Kelly as an x factor judge.
There is a 7ft lady who decided to dress appropriately for the weather. See pic..I could only get half of her in the picture...ok boys that's enough, you can get back to the blog now...
Interesting to see how Facebook shares went down yesterday (Zuckerburg is $2bn poorer than he was at the weekend). Aww.
So as some of you know, Preeti has nagged about my snoring and to get some wax plugs to sort it out, I've only gone and sorted it. I can't hear her bloody moaning now...
Final thought for the day: It's amazing how many posers with convertibles suddenly need some urgent groceries on a day like today...
Right, let's leave it there (especially if your still looking at the pic!) and have a lovely sleep...
A small man called Kawks
Hello there. I'm back! Let's not mess about and start with some breaking news. The inventor of the television remote control has died at the age of 96. Have they tried turning his batteries round and smacking him against the coffee table?...
Boom. And who is thinking...wow this is too hot, bring back the drought? Nope, me neither...
Headline today is "house prices fall in London". Woah, and that's the first time in 30 months.
There is another story about the police who have been told to cheer up and smile for the Olympics! Why wouldn't they? They have had all their leave cancelled for it...
Omg, on the front page it says that Harry Rednapp could join Liverpool. Hmm. Interesting...
Whinge time: I hate it when I'm walking around the park and a dog shits and people just walk off and leave it. I'm like, "Excuse me, are you not going to pick that up?"They reply with things like, "Errr no...it's your dog."
The tube has come to a big standstill as there is something broken at Baker Street. Thankfully the new(rubbish) train has A/C and I've got a seat so that's something I guess.
Will:I am has said he wants to make London his new home. Great, will do wonders for sellers of auto tune gadgets in the UK. Also Geri from the spice girls is in line to take over from Kelly as an x factor judge.
There is a 7ft lady who decided to dress appropriately for the weather. See pic..I could only get half of her in the picture...ok boys that's enough, you can get back to the blog now...
Interesting to see how Facebook shares went down yesterday (Zuckerburg is $2bn poorer than he was at the weekend). Aww.
So as some of you know, Preeti has nagged about my snoring and to get some wax plugs to sort it out, I've only gone and sorted it. I can't hear her bloody moaning now...
Final thought for the day: It's amazing how many posers with convertibles suddenly need some urgent groceries on a day like today...
Right, let's leave it there (especially if your still looking at the pic!) and have a lovely sleep...
A small man called Kawks
Friday 18 May 2012
Friday 18th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:31 All stations to Uxbridge
Whoo hoo. Ladies and Gentlemen the weekend has started. There are people dancing and singing and records playing. Ok, so most people are knackered and asleep on the way home but you got happy for a sec right?
There is a Kawks lookalike (bald, muchi and under 5ft 3 (judging by the way his feet are dangling from the seat)) and he is reading Geoffry Archer and that's where the similarity ends!
There is a lovely couple who are doing a lot of hugging. Let's see inside their bag. It's a waitrose bag (la di da) and it has what looks like a meal for 2, some coleslaw (finest quality), some chocolate fudge pudding and that's all I can see. The man has a posh luggage bag with the LHR tag still on. So that explains why they were so happy right. just don't tell her husband.
There is a lady who has just got on at Great Portland Street who must be listening to some really powerful music as it has lead to some musical tattoos appearing behind her ear!
Err, just read that some top muslim politicians says that some Pakistani men believe 'white girls are fair game'. Err harram...
One for the team in the office: Why did Facebook go public? Because they couldn't work out the privacy settings either...
Sound advice for the day: "Turn that music down now, it's way too loud".
Ooo, forgot to tell you about a dude who stopped me as I was approaching Farringdon station.
"Can you spare 20p please, I'm homeless."
To which I replied "You won't find a house for 20 pence round here mate."..
Right, that's your lot, have a wonderful w/e (as I'm tired to type week end...doh!) and a lovely sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Whoo hoo. Ladies and Gentlemen the weekend has started. There are people dancing and singing and records playing. Ok, so most people are knackered and asleep on the way home but you got happy for a sec right?
There is a Kawks lookalike (bald, muchi and under 5ft 3 (judging by the way his feet are dangling from the seat)) and he is reading Geoffry Archer and that's where the similarity ends!
There is a lovely couple who are doing a lot of hugging. Let's see inside their bag. It's a waitrose bag (la di da) and it has what looks like a meal for 2, some coleslaw (finest quality), some chocolate fudge pudding and that's all I can see. The man has a posh luggage bag with the LHR tag still on. So that explains why they were so happy right. just don't tell her husband.
There is a lady who has just got on at Great Portland Street who must be listening to some really powerful music as it has lead to some musical tattoos appearing behind her ear!
Err, just read that some top muslim politicians says that some Pakistani men believe 'white girls are fair game'. Err harram...
One for the team in the office: Why did Facebook go public? Because they couldn't work out the privacy settings either...
Sound advice for the day: "Turn that music down now, it's way too loud".
Ooo, forgot to tell you about a dude who stopped me as I was approaching Farringdon station.
"Can you spare 20p please, I'm homeless."
To which I replied "You won't find a house for 20 pence round here mate."..
Right, that's your lot, have a wonderful w/e (as I'm tired to type week end...doh!) and a lovely sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Thursday 17 May 2012
Thursday 17th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:18 Semi Fast to Watford
Hello. hello..hello. No, this isn't me with a tricky keyboard, but the lady next to me trying to use her mobile on the underground. Good luck lady...good luck.
Thought for the day: If I had a pound for every time my mate moaned about equality,I'd give him 30p...
Headline today is "Death threat in council chamber' woah. Exciting stuff.
There is also fear for euro after billion is pulled from Spanish bank. Woah. Exciting stuff. Didn't know you could get more than £500 out a day...
Nothing too exciting to report on the journey or interesting (weird) people that have come to my attention.
Woah, just overheard someone say that Donna Summer (aged 63) has died. Won't do a joke as that would be insensitive...Especially as she worked hard for the money...
So this morning the boss phoned and yelled "Are you still asleep?.... You should have been here two hours ago!" I said "Why....what happened two hours ago?"...
Right, feeling sleepy now so let's call it a day there. Have a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Hello. hello..hello. No, this isn't me with a tricky keyboard, but the lady next to me trying to use her mobile on the underground. Good luck lady...good luck.
Thought for the day: If I had a pound for every time my mate moaned about equality,I'd give him 30p...
Headline today is "Death threat in council chamber' woah. Exciting stuff.
There is also fear for euro after billion is pulled from Spanish bank. Woah. Exciting stuff. Didn't know you could get more than £500 out a day...
Nothing too exciting to report on the journey or interesting (weird) people that have come to my attention.
Woah, just overheard someone say that Donna Summer (aged 63) has died. Won't do a joke as that would be insensitive...Especially as she worked hard for the money...
So this morning the boss phoned and yelled "Are you still asleep?.... You should have been here two hours ago!" I said "Why....what happened two hours ago?"...
Right, feeling sleepy now so let's call it a day there. Have a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday 16 May 2012
Wednesday 16th May 2012 - The Journey Home
19:07 Semi Fast to London
Good evening. Yes, sorry it's a bit late today but I'm here now.
I walked around with one hand raised, which got some strange looks at lunchtime. That's because I've been so used to holding my umbrella recently....
4 ladies have just got on at Kings X. Let's listen in as they are giggling.
"Jim lives in my area. John isn't that dedicated. He lives near the woods. Jim is apparently marrying a nice Indian girl...long long hair she has. Very beautiful. Wow, she sounds nice..if only I could meet someone like that...(see pic of Preeti whose hair only used to go down to her ankles)
'her family live in southall, and he like to go to Watford Temple. He has these dirty shoes. Apparently these are the only shoes he has.
Now they are talking about someone else who wears designer clothes and stilettos...nice.
Now discussing who should be John's new secretary. Apparently Jen would be a good choice. Wonder if that's the one with the designer clothes?
OMG. Just read that King Kenny has been sacked as Liverpool manager. He had been one their own as well! It's a feeling that's bound to grow even stronger now he's unemployed...
The women are still nattering but thankfully getting off at the next station.
There are another 2 women who look knackered (see pic).
Headline today is "bank warns of a Eurozone storm". Great that's all we need! More bad weather...
Before I forget, those painkiller adverts on TV are a really good way of promoting their product. They give me a bloody headache...
Actually, felt really good today as at lunchtime I brought a greek salad. Well, he didnt have any money...
Right, let's leave it there...have a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Good evening. Yes, sorry it's a bit late today but I'm here now.
I walked around with one hand raised, which got some strange looks at lunchtime. That's because I've been so used to holding my umbrella recently....
4 ladies have just got on at Kings X. Let's listen in as they are giggling.
"Jim lives in my area. John isn't that dedicated. He lives near the woods. Jim is apparently marrying a nice Indian girl...long long hair she has. Very beautiful. Wow, she sounds nice..if only I could meet someone like that...(see pic of Preeti whose hair only used to go down to her ankles)
'her family live in southall, and he like to go to Watford Temple. He has these dirty shoes. Apparently these are the only shoes he has.
Now they are talking about someone else who wears designer clothes and stilettos...nice.
Now discussing who should be John's new secretary. Apparently Jen would be a good choice. Wonder if that's the one with the designer clothes?
OMG. Just read that King Kenny has been sacked as Liverpool manager. He had been one their own as well! It's a feeling that's bound to grow even stronger now he's unemployed...
The women are still nattering but thankfully getting off at the next station.
There are another 2 women who look knackered (see pic).
Headline today is "bank warns of a Eurozone storm". Great that's all we need! More bad weather...
Before I forget, those painkiller adverts on TV are a really good way of promoting their product. They give me a bloody headache...
Actually, felt really good today as at lunchtime I brought a greek salad. Well, he didnt have any money...
Right, let's leave it there...have a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Tuesday 15 May 2012
Tuesday 15th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:26 All stations to Uxbridge
Good evening. This draught just gets better and better. My umbrella has nearly worn out!
At lunchtime, I read that Americans spend more on coffee than they do on their children. How do they sleep at night?...
And we are off! Thanks for all the lovely likes for the more risqué Facebook update yesterday. Think I have found the tone of the audience!
Just looked at the chap across from me (see pic). Wondering to ask him if he is an accountant or tax inspector. Haven't seen that hairstyle since the Adolf days...
"Charged" is today's headline. Nope this isn't about an update to my battery status but the news that Rebekah and Charlie has been accused of hacking cover up. Errr...
There is also a story that Britain now has over 10m tweeters. Oh, that reminds me of a fact I learnt today at work. There are now more mobile phones (4.8bn) than their are toothbrushes (4.2bn). You can have that one for free for the next time you are on a speed date...don't forget to invite me to the wedding now...
Next story. Tougher sentences to be handed out to owners of dangerous dogs. Really? Most would struggle with the one above...
A new hub airport in the Thames Estuary would bring benefits to London for the next 500 years, it says here woah, why not just say 5000 years. it's not like you will be around to argue in yr 499...
Not a lot of people know this but
Preeti took my surname when we got married...So now I'm just known as Kawks...
Thought for the day: When horses get really hungry do they try and keep their distance from each other?
Ok, let's leave it there. Have a lovely evening and a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Good evening. This draught just gets better and better. My umbrella has nearly worn out!
At lunchtime, I read that Americans spend more on coffee than they do on their children. How do they sleep at night?...
And we are off! Thanks for all the lovely likes for the more risqué Facebook update yesterday. Think I have found the tone of the audience!
Just looked at the chap across from me (see pic). Wondering to ask him if he is an accountant or tax inspector. Haven't seen that hairstyle since the Adolf days...
"Charged" is today's headline. Nope this isn't about an update to my battery status but the news that Rebekah and Charlie has been accused of hacking cover up. Errr...
There is also a story that Britain now has over 10m tweeters. Oh, that reminds me of a fact I learnt today at work. There are now more mobile phones (4.8bn) than their are toothbrushes (4.2bn). You can have that one for free for the next time you are on a speed date...don't forget to invite me to the wedding now...
Next story. Tougher sentences to be handed out to owners of dangerous dogs. Really? Most would struggle with the one above...
A new hub airport in the Thames Estuary would bring benefits to London for the next 500 years, it says here woah, why not just say 5000 years. it's not like you will be around to argue in yr 499...
Not a lot of people know this but
Preeti took my surname when we got married...So now I'm just known as Kawks...
Thought for the day: When horses get really hungry do they try and keep their distance from each other?
Ok, let's leave it there. Have a lovely evening and a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Monday 14 May 2012
Monday 14th May 2012 - The journey home
18:54 Semi fast to Watford
How do you put a cork back in a champagne bottle? Ask a Man United fan.
Boom! What a weekend folks. How very exciting. Well played Man City, well paid...
The train is rather full for this time of day so I've had to squeeze between 2 people who really didn't want to have a 3rd person joining them. Hey ho, 'did that bag have it's own oyster card' I nearly said, but as I just tried to sit on it, they sort of got this gist and moved it.
So, I don't know about you but I think I'm getting addicted to EBay. In the last 7 days I have purchased the following items:
1. 2 x A23 Duracell batteries (doubles) for about £3.50 total
2. 10 packs of Black Ice Magic tree air fresher for the car. £7.30 (did you know that each one is supposed to last for 7 weeks)
3. 100 pairs of Rosemary Hopi candles. No price on that for commercial reasons. Preeti would kill me.
4. Diamond Peel face scrub. See above.
5. HP 21 and 22 ink cartridges for the deskjet. £18 (apparently filled with 3 times as much ink as the originals)
6. Fancy iPad stylus pen (Jot Pro) which came first in a recent survey. No price as ...see Preeti would kill me comment.
7. Coffee electronic whisk thingy. £1.98. It's coming from Hong Kong and should get here by mid June!
There some other stuff, but can't remember now.
Headline today is 'Heathrow in crisis warns airport boss'. Woah. It says it's only got 15 yrs to sort itself out or be reduced to a 'local airport'.
The whole JP Morgan team in London behind the losses were set to lose their jobs today too. Black Monday huh.
So this weekend, I was performing stand up for everybody at the O2 in London, when the manager came over and said, "Excuse me sir, this is a phone shop, not a comedy club."...
I've just read that David Cameron is planning to spend £1.4m on binge drinking by the end of 2012. Not exactly setting a great example there, David...
Right, that's enough nonsense for today, see you tomorrow and have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
How do you put a cork back in a champagne bottle? Ask a Man United fan.
Boom! What a weekend folks. How very exciting. Well played Man City, well paid...
The train is rather full for this time of day so I've had to squeeze between 2 people who really didn't want to have a 3rd person joining them. Hey ho, 'did that bag have it's own oyster card' I nearly said, but as I just tried to sit on it, they sort of got this gist and moved it.
So, I don't know about you but I think I'm getting addicted to EBay. In the last 7 days I have purchased the following items:
1. 2 x A23 Duracell batteries (doubles) for about £3.50 total
2. 10 packs of Black Ice Magic tree air fresher for the car. £7.30 (did you know that each one is supposed to last for 7 weeks)
3. 100 pairs of Rosemary Hopi candles. No price on that for commercial reasons. Preeti would kill me.
4. Diamond Peel face scrub. See above.
5. HP 21 and 22 ink cartridges for the deskjet. £18 (apparently filled with 3 times as much ink as the originals)
6. Fancy iPad stylus pen (Jot Pro) which came first in a recent survey. No price as ...see Preeti would kill me comment.
7. Coffee electronic whisk thingy. £1.98. It's coming from Hong Kong and should get here by mid June!
There some other stuff, but can't remember now.
Headline today is 'Heathrow in crisis warns airport boss'. Woah. It says it's only got 15 yrs to sort itself out or be reduced to a 'local airport'.
The whole JP Morgan team in London behind the losses were set to lose their jobs today too. Black Monday huh.
So this weekend, I was performing stand up for everybody at the O2 in London, when the manager came over and said, "Excuse me sir, this is a phone shop, not a comedy club."...
I've just read that David Cameron is planning to spend £1.4m on binge drinking by the end of 2012. Not exactly setting a great example there, David...
Right, that's enough nonsense for today, see you tomorrow and have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Friday 11 May 2012
Friday 11th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:45 Fast to Chesham
I have to say, hand on my heart, that I'm completely surprised that the doctor didn't sew me back up after the operation.
Boom! And we are off. This morning I didn't know what to make of the great yellow ball in the sky. It certainly has novelty value and long may it continue.
77 days to go. Thats very exciting. thank you for that.
British gas will be increasing prices by £100 in winter. Thank you for that.
Ha ha, I say to myself. Just read a story about a tapas restaurant in London what charged £3.40 for tap water because it was still served in a nice jug! How refreshing! not...
Oh dear. JP Morgan loses £1.2 BILLION after "London whale" takes huge gamble. Wowza. What the hell was the whale thinking!
This chap next to me is having a fun conversation with himself. It's going something like this: "I do not have OCD. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."
Thanks for that.
Before I forget, last weekend I was stuck behind this idiot with chocolate sauce and crushed nuts on his roof doing 15 mph. Bloody Sundae drivers!
Ahem, right I think we should leave it there. Have a wonderful weekend and a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
I have to say, hand on my heart, that I'm completely surprised that the doctor didn't sew me back up after the operation.
Boom! And we are off. This morning I didn't know what to make of the great yellow ball in the sky. It certainly has novelty value and long may it continue.
77 days to go. Thats very exciting. thank you for that.
British gas will be increasing prices by £100 in winter. Thank you for that.
Ha ha, I say to myself. Just read a story about a tapas restaurant in London what charged £3.40 for tap water because it was still served in a nice jug! How refreshing! not...
Oh dear. JP Morgan loses £1.2 BILLION after "London whale" takes huge gamble. Wowza. What the hell was the whale thinking!
This chap next to me is having a fun conversation with himself. It's going something like this: "I do not have OCD. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."
Thanks for that.
Before I forget, last weekend I was stuck behind this idiot with chocolate sauce and crushed nuts on his roof doing 15 mph. Bloody Sundae drivers!
Ahem, right I think we should leave it there. Have a wonderful weekend and a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday 9 May 2012
Wednesday 9th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:34 Semi fast to Watford
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. How very are you? Mid week already and all downhill from here.
So this morning, I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, "Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?"
Everybody stared on in horrified silence...
As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
Boom and we are off.
There is an 87 year old man standing near the 'special seat' but the bloke sitting there is pretending he hasn't seen him as he is too busy playing bloody solitaire on his iPhone. Grrr, makes me mad. I mean at least play Angry birds or bowling 3D.
The tube has just pulled into Kings cross and a load of German girls have got on. They seem very excited. Lots of 'ya ya' going on.
"Bankers bonus backed by judges" is today's headline. The 104 bankers are now in line to get £42m. I will let you do the punchline on that one.
Ok formal joke for the day. What do you call Will.i.am when he's surprised?Will.i.never
The German girls left at Baker street and the level of "ya ya" has returned to normal levels again.
I've attached a pic of the penthouse that is for sale in the Shard. Yours for £50m. It says that you will be able to see the North Sea from it. Brilliant, just wait there whilst I go and get the deposit...
Let's end with the business news: 'Clinton Cards enters Administration'.
Thinking of you at this difficult time...
Right folks, battery running low so let's leave it there. Have a great sleep.
A small man called Kawks
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. How very are you? Mid week already and all downhill from here.
So this morning, I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, "Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?"
Everybody stared on in horrified silence...
As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
Boom and we are off.
There is an 87 year old man standing near the 'special seat' but the bloke sitting there is pretending he hasn't seen him as he is too busy playing bloody solitaire on his iPhone. Grrr, makes me mad. I mean at least play Angry birds or bowling 3D.
The tube has just pulled into Kings cross and a load of German girls have got on. They seem very excited. Lots of 'ya ya' going on.
"Bankers bonus backed by judges" is today's headline. The 104 bankers are now in line to get £42m. I will let you do the punchline on that one.
Ok formal joke for the day. What do you call Will.i.am when he's surprised?Will.i.never
The German girls left at Baker street and the level of "ya ya" has returned to normal levels again.
I've attached a pic of the penthouse that is for sale in the Shard. Yours for £50m. It says that you will be able to see the North Sea from it. Brilliant, just wait there whilst I go and get the deposit...
Let's end with the business news: 'Clinton Cards enters Administration'.
Thinking of you at this difficult time...
Right folks, battery running low so let's leave it there. Have a great sleep.
A small man called Kawks
Tuesday 8 May 2012
Tuesday 8th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:07 Fast Chesham
Well hello there people. I hope you had a lovely bank holiday weekend and enjoyed the rain. We went to Lester on Saturday which was nice, especially driving the shiny new car down the M1.
A massive thank you for continuing to read the blog and getting to the 5,000 milestone. I hope for those of you who are facebook buddies, you enjoyed the video rap/poem.
Lets check out the headlines. "Police question man after drowning." Yeah, let's see him tell us who bloody killed him.
Let's check out the real headline. "one last chance for 2012 golden tickets". Well there you go folks, start buying those chocolate bars from Friday.
So over the weekend I did one of those impulse buys on EBay. That's so sweet of you getting something lovely for Preeti I hear you cry. Well what can I say, I'm just an old romantic at heart. Well she is a special lady and thoroughly deserves the "Adonit Jot Pro Stylus" for the iPad. I'm sure she will be even more made up than that time last Christmas when I got her Black Ops. I've attached a pic of her just before I told her the good news...
There is a story about the terrorist's latest tool in their armoury. For someone who is expecting seventy odd virgins you gotta think wearing an underwear bomb is a bit risky...
There is a bloke who looks like 'curly watts' from coronation street on today's tube. What do you reckon? Next to him is that prison guard from Prisoner. See told you, the Met line (especially the fast Chesham service) is the tube that most celebs prefer to use...
We have come to a standstill outside Wembley Park. I was gonna do a joke about the Liverpool fans nicking the copper from the tube cables on Saturday, then thought better not as I'm a Liverpool fan too...
Let's end on thought for the day: Feminism is the belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them...
See you tomorrow and have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Well hello there people. I hope you had a lovely bank holiday weekend and enjoyed the rain. We went to Lester on Saturday which was nice, especially driving the shiny new car down the M1.
A massive thank you for continuing to read the blog and getting to the 5,000 milestone. I hope for those of you who are facebook buddies, you enjoyed the video rap/poem.
Lets check out the headlines. "Police question man after drowning." Yeah, let's see him tell us who bloody killed him.
Let's check out the real headline. "one last chance for 2012 golden tickets". Well there you go folks, start buying those chocolate bars from Friday.
So over the weekend I did one of those impulse buys on EBay. That's so sweet of you getting something lovely for Preeti I hear you cry. Well what can I say, I'm just an old romantic at heart. Well she is a special lady and thoroughly deserves the "Adonit Jot Pro Stylus" for the iPad. I'm sure she will be even more made up than that time last Christmas when I got her Black Ops. I've attached a pic of her just before I told her the good news...
There is a story about the terrorist's latest tool in their armoury. For someone who is expecting seventy odd virgins you gotta think wearing an underwear bomb is a bit risky...
There is a bloke who looks like 'curly watts' from coronation street on today's tube. What do you reckon? Next to him is that prison guard from Prisoner. See told you, the Met line (especially the fast Chesham service) is the tube that most celebs prefer to use...
We have come to a standstill outside Wembley Park. I was gonna do a joke about the Liverpool fans nicking the copper from the tube cables on Saturday, then thought better not as I'm a Liverpool fan too...
Let's end on thought for the day: Feminism is the belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them...
See you tomorrow and have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Friday 4 May 2012
Friday 4th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:21 Fast to Chesham
Whoo hoo. I don't know what you think about them, but thank you banks for the extra long weekend! (Technically isn't every Sunday a bank holiday too?)
Going to do stuff in a different order today just to keep it fresh. FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal. Except Winter and Summer...and Autumn.
I'm perched right on the end of a seat cos two blokes are trying to do the splits and taking all the space. Still, I,be sat down and slowing inching my way to being comfortable. Should get there by Harrow at this pace...
Headline is "Boris heads for victory". Hurrah! It didn't say the hurrah bit, that was just me.
There is a heart warming story about will.i.am about using his celebrity to help others less fortunate. I've learnt a fee things about him. His real name was William Adams and he's worth £46m. he is also Cheryl Coles manager...ahh explains the computer voice she uses! He also likes to give his money to worthwhile charities. (see previous sentence).
So last night, I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line. I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...
Right, gonna read up on the Chelsea v Liverpool FA cup final now so let's leave it there. Have a wonderful, extended bank holiday sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Whoo hoo. I don't know what you think about them, but thank you banks for the extra long weekend! (Technically isn't every Sunday a bank holiday too?)
Going to do stuff in a different order today just to keep it fresh. FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal. Except Winter and Summer...and Autumn.
I'm perched right on the end of a seat cos two blokes are trying to do the splits and taking all the space. Still, I,be sat down and slowing inching my way to being comfortable. Should get there by Harrow at this pace...
Headline is "Boris heads for victory". Hurrah! It didn't say the hurrah bit, that was just me.
There is a heart warming story about will.i.am about using his celebrity to help others less fortunate. I've learnt a fee things about him. His real name was William Adams and he's worth £46m. he is also Cheryl Coles manager...ahh explains the computer voice she uses! He also likes to give his money to worthwhile charities. (see previous sentence).
So last night, I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line. I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...
Right, gonna read up on the Chelsea v Liverpool FA cup final now so let's leave it there. Have a wonderful, extended bank holiday sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
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