19:48 Semi fast to Watford
Good evening. Yes, as you can see it's a late train home for me, but there we go.
Glad u liked the 'yo mamma' joke yesterday. Will pull out another one when ratings start to dip!
I hope you are all coming out on Sunday to see the 1,000 boats parade on the Thames. They are expecting 1m people to turn out and that doesn't include the Queen. It says in the paper that there will be 13,000 officers guarding her. Nice...
Gonna do Sports stories next. Mario Balotelli has said he will kill anyone who throws a banana at him. Presumably, starting with his hairdresser, who's put one on his head...
There is a story about a top city lawyer who has been jailed for 3 years for committing expenses fraud of £1.2m. Errr harram...He's paid it all back now so that's ok right...
Thought of the day: You know you're on shaky ground when your new business cards are just Post-It notes...
Today's exciting story at lunchtime. So I went to Boots (meal deal £3.79 where I find the most expensive veg sandwich, crisps and that smoothie that is £2.50 on its own saving £1.80). Sorry I digress.
Anyhow, I go downstairs to also pick up some vitamins now located next to the photo centre where this bloke is having a chat with the photo man who had come in to pick up his holiday pics.
The photo man kindly asked him if he wanted the negatives, which the chap thought was rather a good idea. until the bloke goes "Your wife's got big teeth and a saggy bum."
Boom! Now it's time for a lovely sleep so see you tomorrow.
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Tuesday 29th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:27 All stations to Uxbridge
Good Evening. And that was the end of the lovely weather me thinks. Maybe I should have worn the suit jacket me thinks...
Still, nice whilst it lasted huh...there a rude joke there but lets move on...
There are no alien heads to capture so far, but watch this space.
Just reading that a scientific expert has said that modern technology will soon abolish the need for paper altogether. Sure... let's see him wiping his bum with an iPad...
There are 2 blokes chatting away. let's listen in!
Bloke 1 is asking his mate if he had always been faithful to his wife.
Woah , this is an interesting conversation for the 18:27 all stations to Uxbridge me thinks!
Bloke 2 has replied "In all the years I've been married, my lips have never touched those of another woman."
Wowza! That's commitment me thinks. Hang on, there's more...
"It's just prostitutes don't like that sort of thing."
Ahhh, wasn't expecting that!
Ahem. Best to probably leave it there! Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Good Evening. And that was the end of the lovely weather me thinks. Maybe I should have worn the suit jacket me thinks...
Still, nice whilst it lasted huh...there a rude joke there but lets move on...
There are no alien heads to capture so far, but watch this space.
Just reading that a scientific expert has said that modern technology will soon abolish the need for paper altogether. Sure... let's see him wiping his bum with an iPad...
There are 2 blokes chatting away. let's listen in!
Bloke 1 is asking his mate if he had always been faithful to his wife.
Woah , this is an interesting conversation for the 18:27 all stations to Uxbridge me thinks!
Bloke 2 has replied "In all the years I've been married, my lips have never touched those of another woman."
Wowza! That's commitment me thinks. Hang on, there's more...
"It's just prostitutes don't like that sort of thing."
Ahhh, wasn't expecting that!
Ahem. Best to probably leave it there! Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Monday, 28 May 2012
Monday 28th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:35 Semi Fast to Watford
Well hello there people. And what a fantastic weekend of lovely weather. We did a touristy thing of walking in Green Park, past Buck palace then all the way to Tower Hill and London Bridge. The good news is that despite reports to the contrary, it doesn't appear to be falling down. Phew!
It made us think how lucky we are to live in London and we still have the Olympics to come!
This blog is sponsored by Boris Johnson and the City of London Corporation...
Right, let's get on with the show...
My dog has a very big ego. Everytime someone knocks the door, he runs to it barking, assuming it's for him...
Headline today is : " A police visit for all crime victims". Woah! What about if the offence was being taken in by fake coppers?
Oh forgot to tell you about a drama we had on Friday. I called out a 24 hour plumber but when he got here he didn't seem to know what he was doing. I said to him, "So how long have you been a plumber?" "24 hours." He replied...
Seriously, there was a riot in our street last night, when we found the hosepipe ban is not going to be lifted. Luckily the police brought it quickly under control with the use of water-cannon...
Still standing as I haven't got a seat on the new (rubbish) train and we are already at Baker Street.
Watched the Semi finals of the Voice and the two favourites are out! (is it cos I is black?)..sadly it most probably is. Not sure a black person has ever won a public vote. And no, Leona Lewis don't count as a) she a horse and b) she is of mixed breed.
So who watched Eurovision contest on Saturday? What were we thinking? Hump, I know your a Leicester boy, but it was always doomed to fail. I liked the Russian grannies act the best. Do you think that the reason they were all shapes and sizes is so they can fit into one of those Russian dolls at the end?
My neighbours kid has actually just got back from Baku. Not sure how it's going to help with his exams but his parents kept telling him to 'go and do Eurovision'....your revision..get it...
And on that note, probably best to wish you a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Well hello there people. And what a fantastic weekend of lovely weather. We did a touristy thing of walking in Green Park, past Buck palace then all the way to Tower Hill and London Bridge. The good news is that despite reports to the contrary, it doesn't appear to be falling down. Phew!
It made us think how lucky we are to live in London and we still have the Olympics to come!
This blog is sponsored by Boris Johnson and the City of London Corporation...
Right, let's get on with the show...
My dog has a very big ego. Everytime someone knocks the door, he runs to it barking, assuming it's for him...
Headline today is : " A police visit for all crime victims". Woah! What about if the offence was being taken in by fake coppers?
Oh forgot to tell you about a drama we had on Friday. I called out a 24 hour plumber but when he got here he didn't seem to know what he was doing. I said to him, "So how long have you been a plumber?" "24 hours." He replied...
Seriously, there was a riot in our street last night, when we found the hosepipe ban is not going to be lifted. Luckily the police brought it quickly under control with the use of water-cannon...
Still standing as I haven't got a seat on the new (rubbish) train and we are already at Baker Street.
Watched the Semi finals of the Voice and the two favourites are out! (is it cos I is black?)..sadly it most probably is. Not sure a black person has ever won a public vote. And no, Leona Lewis don't count as a) she a horse and b) she is of mixed breed.
So who watched Eurovision contest on Saturday? What were we thinking? Hump, I know your a Leicester boy, but it was always doomed to fail. I liked the Russian grannies act the best. Do you think that the reason they were all shapes and sizes is so they can fit into one of those Russian dolls at the end?
My neighbours kid has actually just got back from Baku. Not sure how it's going to help with his exams but his parents kept telling him to 'go and do Eurovision'....your revision..get it...
And on that note, probably best to wish you a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Friday, 25 May 2012
Friday 25th May - The Journey Home
18:04 All stations to Uxbridge
Whoo hoo, (you know the rest..)
Lots of beautiful people out and about. Which reminds me, you've got to admit Madonna looks great for 53. She has the body of a man half her age...
Seriously, I love the hot weather, all the short skirts come out. Although Preeti thinks I have a gender issue and shouldn't wear them...
I can't believe how many men are still wearing suits and ties today. Who are these people? The men in black?
Saw the trailer to the 3rd one and it looks crap. Gonna try and see Avengers instead over the w/e.
Err, headline in the paper is about a lloyds banker accused over £2.5m fraud. Using false invoices. Err haram...
And her job title, "head of fraud". Well I guess she lived up to that!
Also a story about a lorry carrying vodka exploded, unfortunately the driver died so no punchline on that one.
Fact of the day: The head of a fly is almost completely made up by its eyes. Yet it takes 30 minutes for it to escape from my window sill...
Not much going on the tube to report...
Thought of the day: Ironic isn't it that every time you see an obese person they're always wearing trainers...
Thought of the day 2: It's a speed bump, Get over it...
Ok, time to tell you about an incident that happened at lunch time today. So we were in the Cartoonist Pub (having an orange juice) and this girl sitting on the next table sneezed and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I took it back to her and she was really grateful and chatted to me for about 30 mins (Don't tell Preeti). Eventually, I had to ask her if she was friendly with everyone to which she replied "Only those that catch my eye..."
Thank you and good night! Wishing you a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Whoo hoo, (you know the rest..)
Lots of beautiful people out and about. Which reminds me, you've got to admit Madonna looks great for 53. She has the body of a man half her age...
Seriously, I love the hot weather, all the short skirts come out. Although Preeti thinks I have a gender issue and shouldn't wear them...
I can't believe how many men are still wearing suits and ties today. Who are these people? The men in black?
Saw the trailer to the 3rd one and it looks crap. Gonna try and see Avengers instead over the w/e.
Err, headline in the paper is about a lloyds banker accused over £2.5m fraud. Using false invoices. Err haram...
And her job title, "head of fraud". Well I guess she lived up to that!
Also a story about a lorry carrying vodka exploded, unfortunately the driver died so no punchline on that one.
Fact of the day: The head of a fly is almost completely made up by its eyes. Yet it takes 30 minutes for it to escape from my window sill...
Not much going on the tube to report...
Thought of the day: Ironic isn't it that every time you see an obese person they're always wearing trainers...
Thought of the day 2: It's a speed bump, Get over it...
Ok, time to tell you about an incident that happened at lunch time today. So we were in the Cartoonist Pub (having an orange juice) and this girl sitting on the next table sneezed and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I took it back to her and she was really grateful and chatted to me for about 30 mins (Don't tell Preeti). Eventually, I had to ask her if she was friendly with everyone to which she replied "Only those that catch my eye..."
Thank you and good night! Wishing you a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
23rd May 2012 -The Rap Home
Sunny hot day
Today, I thought rather than the normal routine, I should do a rap poem.
Here we go:
Eyes of a Hawk
They call me Kawks
Capture the image, capture the time
7ft lady, your legs are mighty fine
Ride the Met Line
When its working
18:42 on the dot
Hey kid, no need to wipe your snot (on the seat)
Hey lady, why you gone pink
Hey man, why you stink
Use some spray, make our day
Save me walking away
Hey curly hair lady, why you speaking french
Jaime jealous, jaime jealous
Seat free, everyone eyes it up
Slide and shuffle, slap and shout
Do what you need, its a jungle out there (and the smells to go with it)
Sikh man looking at cricket scores
Tapping your foot like you made a four
Music too loud, he don't care
He's not proud, but I'm not a fan of harmonica music
Kindle lady, woah slow down
Not read the last page
Who did the murder?
Was it the clown?
Met line you are like the United Nations
All colours and shapes
If that shape is a brown grape
Tru dat and a bit deep
Wishing you all a great sleep
Word... (Microsoft Office 2012 all rights reserved)
Today, I thought rather than the normal routine, I should do a rap poem.
Here we go:
Eyes of a Hawk
They call me Kawks
Capture the image, capture the time
7ft lady, your legs are mighty fine
Ride the Met Line
When its working
18:42 on the dot
Hey kid, no need to wipe your snot (on the seat)
Hey lady, why you gone pink
Hey man, why you stink
Use some spray, make our day
Save me walking away
Hey curly hair lady, why you speaking french
Jaime jealous, jaime jealous
Seat free, everyone eyes it up
Slide and shuffle, slap and shout
Do what you need, its a jungle out there (and the smells to go with it)
Sikh man looking at cricket scores
Tapping your foot like you made a four
Music too loud, he don't care
He's not proud, but I'm not a fan of harmonica music
Kindle lady, woah slow down
Not read the last page
Who did the murder?
Was it the clown?
Met line you are like the United Nations
All colours and shapes
If that shape is a brown grape
Tru dat and a bit deep
Wishing you all a great sleep
Word... (Microsoft Office 2012 all rights reserved)
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Tuesday 22nd May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:14 All stations to Uxbridge
Hello there. I'm back! Let's not mess about and start with some breaking news. The inventor of the television remote control has died at the age of 96. Have they tried turning his batteries round and smacking him against the coffee table?...
Boom. And who is thinking...wow this is too hot, bring back the drought? Nope, me neither...
Headline today is "house prices fall in London". Woah, and that's the first time in 30 months.
There is another story about the police who have been told to cheer up and smile for the Olympics! Why wouldn't they? They have had all their leave cancelled for it...
Omg, on the front page it says that Harry Rednapp could join Liverpool. Hmm. Interesting...
Whinge time: I hate it when I'm walking around the park and a dog shits and people just walk off and leave it. I'm like, "Excuse me, are you not going to pick that up?"They reply with things like, "Errr no...it's your dog."
The tube has come to a big standstill as there is something broken at Baker Street. Thankfully the new(rubbish) train has A/C and I've got a seat so that's something I guess.
Will:I am has said he wants to make London his new home. Great, will do wonders for sellers of auto tune gadgets in the UK. Also Geri from the spice girls is in line to take over from Kelly as an x factor judge.
There is a 7ft lady who decided to dress appropriately for the weather. See pic..I could only get half of her in the picture...ok boys that's enough, you can get back to the blog now...
Interesting to see how Facebook shares went down yesterday (Zuckerburg is $2bn poorer than he was at the weekend). Aww.
So as some of you know, Preeti has nagged about my snoring and to get some wax plugs to sort it out, I've only gone and sorted it. I can't hear her bloody moaning now...
Final thought for the day: It's amazing how many posers with convertibles suddenly need some urgent groceries on a day like today...
Right, let's leave it there (especially if your still looking at the pic!) and have a lovely sleep...
A small man called Kawks
Hello there. I'm back! Let's not mess about and start with some breaking news. The inventor of the television remote control has died at the age of 96. Have they tried turning his batteries round and smacking him against the coffee table?...
Boom. And who is thinking...wow this is too hot, bring back the drought? Nope, me neither...
Headline today is "house prices fall in London". Woah, and that's the first time in 30 months.
There is another story about the police who have been told to cheer up and smile for the Olympics! Why wouldn't they? They have had all their leave cancelled for it...
Omg, on the front page it says that Harry Rednapp could join Liverpool. Hmm. Interesting...
Whinge time: I hate it when I'm walking around the park and a dog shits and people just walk off and leave it. I'm like, "Excuse me, are you not going to pick that up?"They reply with things like, "Errr no...it's your dog."
The tube has come to a big standstill as there is something broken at Baker Street. Thankfully the new(rubbish) train has A/C and I've got a seat so that's something I guess.
Will:I am has said he wants to make London his new home. Great, will do wonders for sellers of auto tune gadgets in the UK. Also Geri from the spice girls is in line to take over from Kelly as an x factor judge.
There is a 7ft lady who decided to dress appropriately for the weather. See pic..I could only get half of her in the picture...ok boys that's enough, you can get back to the blog now...
Interesting to see how Facebook shares went down yesterday (Zuckerburg is $2bn poorer than he was at the weekend). Aww.
So as some of you know, Preeti has nagged about my snoring and to get some wax plugs to sort it out, I've only gone and sorted it. I can't hear her bloody moaning now...
Final thought for the day: It's amazing how many posers with convertibles suddenly need some urgent groceries on a day like today...
Right, let's leave it there (especially if your still looking at the pic!) and have a lovely sleep...
A small man called Kawks
Friday, 18 May 2012
Friday 18th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:31 All stations to Uxbridge
Whoo hoo. Ladies and Gentlemen the weekend has started. There are people dancing and singing and records playing. Ok, so most people are knackered and asleep on the way home but you got happy for a sec right?
There is a Kawks lookalike (bald, muchi and under 5ft 3 (judging by the way his feet are dangling from the seat)) and he is reading Geoffry Archer and that's where the similarity ends!
There is a lovely couple who are doing a lot of hugging. Let's see inside their bag. It's a waitrose bag (la di da) and it has what looks like a meal for 2, some coleslaw (finest quality), some chocolate fudge pudding and that's all I can see. The man has a posh luggage bag with the LHR tag still on. So that explains why they were so happy right. just don't tell her husband.
There is a lady who has just got on at Great Portland Street who must be listening to some really powerful music as it has lead to some musical tattoos appearing behind her ear!
Err, just read that some top muslim politicians says that some Pakistani men believe 'white girls are fair game'. Err harram...
One for the team in the office: Why did Facebook go public? Because they couldn't work out the privacy settings either...
Sound advice for the day: "Turn that music down now, it's way too loud".
Ooo, forgot to tell you about a dude who stopped me as I was approaching Farringdon station.
"Can you spare 20p please, I'm homeless."
To which I replied "You won't find a house for 20 pence round here mate."..
Right, that's your lot, have a wonderful w/e (as I'm tired to type week end...doh!) and a lovely sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Whoo hoo. Ladies and Gentlemen the weekend has started. There are people dancing and singing and records playing. Ok, so most people are knackered and asleep on the way home but you got happy for a sec right?
There is a Kawks lookalike (bald, muchi and under 5ft 3 (judging by the way his feet are dangling from the seat)) and he is reading Geoffry Archer and that's where the similarity ends!
There is a lovely couple who are doing a lot of hugging. Let's see inside their bag. It's a waitrose bag (la di da) and it has what looks like a meal for 2, some coleslaw (finest quality), some chocolate fudge pudding and that's all I can see. The man has a posh luggage bag with the LHR tag still on. So that explains why they were so happy right. just don't tell her husband.
There is a lady who has just got on at Great Portland Street who must be listening to some really powerful music as it has lead to some musical tattoos appearing behind her ear!
Err, just read that some top muslim politicians says that some Pakistani men believe 'white girls are fair game'. Err harram...
One for the team in the office: Why did Facebook go public? Because they couldn't work out the privacy settings either...
Sound advice for the day: "Turn that music down now, it's way too loud".
Ooo, forgot to tell you about a dude who stopped me as I was approaching Farringdon station.
"Can you spare 20p please, I'm homeless."
To which I replied "You won't find a house for 20 pence round here mate."..
Right, that's your lot, have a wonderful w/e (as I'm tired to type week end...doh!) and a lovely sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
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