Monday 18 June 2012 - The Journey Home

18:31 All stations to North Acton

Good evening gang. I trust you all ha lovely weekends and for the fathers in the group, you got fantastic FD presents. I'm certainly getting some interesting looks on the tube with my Homer Simpson slippers!

Headline is "Cricket star, 23 killed on Tube". Oh dear.

Really enjoying the footy everyday.
Preeti walked in and saw me watching the Germany vs Denmark game."Oh no! Football again? Can't we change the channel and watch something better than this!?" she moaned. "Sure babe," I said, turning it over to the Portugal vs Holland game...

In my opinion this England side already has its place booked in the final. Row B seats 21-32...

Next headline is "bus staff want £100 more each time they strike" woah...

Thought for the day: You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google...

There are hardly any people on this tube, so wondering if people are practising for the Olympics?...

Right, let's leave it there as I need to have a scratch. these slippers can get a bit itchy on the tube...

Have a great sleep!

A small man called Kawks

Friday 16th June 2012 - The Journey home

18:27 All stations to Uxbridge

Woo hoo. You know the rest. The train is jam packed and I couldn't even get my iPhone out of my pocket till Great Portland Street.

Left work a bit early to watch the Ukraine match on TV? Who is this 'Itzbin Raindov' bloke everybody is talking about...and why has the match not started yet?

Should be an interesting match. Ran some algorithmic hyperbole simulations at work regarding the England match and it said we would win 2-1.

Despite what some people think, England have played entertaining and beautiful football. Usually against it...

There is a man with a backpack, beard and reading some Arabic scriptures on his iPhone. Err racist. Sure he's here on holiday and he normally chants ahead of the England match. Oh, I think someone is calling me at the far end of the train, must dash...

Right, in the drivers carriage now so we can continue.

There is a woman next to me just holding a random bunch of flowers. No paper wrapping, just as they come out the ground. Nice...

Thought for the day: Broken glass tastes just like blood...

There is a chinese dude walking through the tube handing out leaflets. Listening in, think his name is tay kwon...

Oh, forgot to tell you that yesterday, I lent Preeti a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me...

Right folks, have a good one and see you all soon. Have a lovely sleep!

A small man called Kawks

Thursday 14th June 2012 - The Journey Home

19:34 Semi fast to Watford

Good news to share peeps. I went to the right country on the right day yesterday. Lovely long day, waking up at 3:43am (why do people always have to wake up at rounded time...live a little like me). I digress, where was I. Oh yeah, 3:43am woke Preeti up to tell her I would make my own tea (she last weeks blog for the joke) and then left for the airport at 5am to T5. Anyway, the day went really well and got back home at 8:30pm. Obviously no tube journey so no blog. As we Indians like to say "Rules are Rules"...

Today my dear blog readers is the anniversary of when Preeti came to the UK after we got married. 18 lovely years ago. She thought I had forgotten about her as she couldn't see us at arrivals. I was much shorter in those days...

It was a good job I had a picture to remind me of what she looked like as my "wedding interview" last 43 minutes and then a couple of days later, we got married and I came home. I mean how is a man supposed to remember what his wife looks like after not seeing her for 3 months...I learnt a lot from this little tale. I took a picture of a bulldog for when my mother in law first visited...


Woah, just seen the back page and it says that Harry Rednapp has left Spurs! He must be the first manager in history to have buckled under the pressure of the England job without actually having it...

Fact of the day: According to a recent survey, erectile dysfunction is no longer on the rise.

Let's check out the headlines. "Cameron: my 1,000 meetings to woo the media". Woooo h.

There is a brilliant story of the tourist who broke down near Buckingham palace. He left a lovely letter saying he had broken down and was waiting for the AA. He thought as he was 15 minutes away from the Palace, he decided to go and have a look, only to find his car has been blown up by the security forces, and then given a parking ticket. Brilliant. What did he expect. Indian looking dude (with a beard and hat) just walking off...

Right, let's leave it there..well actually perhaps not! Have a great sleep!

A small man called Kawks

Tuesday 15th June 2012 - The Journey Home

18:04 All stations to Uxbridge

Well hello there. Sorry for the no show yesterday, but the train was packed and I bumped into my sister so we chatted instead.

45 days to go...

The headline today is what the opening ceremony for the games is gonna look like. It's going to cost £27m so the fireworks better not be "ha va gay la"...
The ceremony will be inspired by the British countryside. Expect a burnt-out Ford Mondeo and at least one abandoned fridge...

There's a story about how apparently blind people think we discriminate against them for reading in braille. Well I'm sorry they feel that way...

Just reading about Ushers concert at the Hammersmith Apollo. Got 4 stars out of 5, and looks like everyone had a lovely time. Makes me wanna go...O oo o o oo.

There is a lady opposite reading a booklet on "Phytospecific". This is apparently a posh word or hair and skin care..there you've finally learnt something from this blog...

Hey, just seen that its Fathers Day on Thursday. Who hoo. There is a special 4 page special on what to get you dad. I've pulled this section away and will leave it for Raj and Preeti to study, with some items circled. (including a Nikon D3200 so so I can take better pics of random people on the tube).

Right, going sleep now as I'm going to Denmark (again) tomorrow.

Have a great sleep!

A small man called Kawks

Friday 8th June 2012 - The Journey Home

18:07 Semi Fast to Watford

Woah, didn't the week go by fast! It felt like a 3 day week to me.

Let's crack on. 2 ladies are talking about food. Whether to go to Maccy D's or Nandos. La di da...

Lady opposite is reading 'fifty shades of grey" by EL James. On page 23 and she still looks interested.

Headline today is 'England plea to stamp out Racism'. Wonder if Terry will be their spokesman?

Hope you all have great plans for the weekend. I am planning on opening up a time capsule I made as a kid. I can't wait to see how pig my puppy is...

Thought for the day: I've never seen a tombstone that read "Died from not forwarding that email to 10 people"

Woah, just read that M & S are going to launch a bank in London next month. It won't be an ordinary Bank, it will be...(Audience participation time)

ooh, just seen that the euro millions is worth £126m tonight. It has the strapline (Tonight. It just keeps getting bigger).

Which reminds me of one of my chat up lines, but probably best to leave it there...ahem. Have a great sleep!

A small man called Kawks.

Thursday 7th June 2012 - The Journey Home

19:27 Semi Fast to Watford

Hello gang. And yes, before you ask, I went to all the right meetings in the right countries today! Doh!

Not done a normal blog for ages. Let's look around...

Emma (I know that as she has a label on her laptop) has been tapping away on her Dell computer since I joined the tube. She seems very diligent and making lots of edits to her document, referring to her hand written notes every few moments.

The girl next to her has clearly given up on Summer and is wearing a coat and scarf. You forgot the gloves love...

It's just been announced that the strain is running 4 mins EARLY so we are gonna stay at Baker Street for a bit. Nice...

Obviously for someone as efficient as Emma, this was not good enough as she has left the train to type her notes on another train...

Preeti rang earlier to tell me about the Honda as it had its MoT today.

"How did it go?"

"Well..." she replied. "The steering's knackered, the headlights need work, the bumper needs replacing, the suspension's buggered and the clutch is sticking."

"I take it that's a fail," I said sarcastically.

"Oh, no," she replied. "It passed. I did all that on the way home."...

Boom!

Headline today is "water bungle floods tube" - with 2m litres of water. Eoah, I thought there was a drought in this country!

Today folks, there are only 50 days to go till the Olympics start. Whoo hoo. And guess who had their table tennis tickets delivered on Saturday. They even come with free travel to the venue. What more could you possible want...ping pong, ding along...

And that's just whose playing...

Sticking with the theme, I see that Usain Bolt thinks he's capable of running at 40mph. You might think that's good, but if he hits a child there's an 80% chance they will die...

Anyone seen the new Samsung Galaxy
S3. It has a tag line of "Designed for humans". Aren't all phones made for that purpose?...

Right, thing that will do for today. Have a great sleep.

A small man called Kawks

Wednesday 6th June 2012 - Blog special

05:00 Taxi to Airport

Good morning folks. I won't raise my voice as its well early and the neighbours are probably still asleep.

To make up for the no show the last couple of days, thought I would make it up to you with a blog special.

This morning my journey is to a meeting in Copenhagen, Denmark. Off for a day trip and back in the evening,

Had 2 missed calls from the taxi man who got here at 4.45am, but he will have to wait as Preeti hasn't made my tea yet...Before you say anything, I did wake her up to say that I'll make my own tea, but luckily by having this conversation, she was awake so said she would do it!

The taxi man talked non stop to the Airport. He told me 2 long (boring) stories. The first involved him recounting in great detail how he 2 yrs ago (he's been mini-cabbing for 3) gave 2 missed calls to a customer and had to wait 10 minutes before the bloke came out. Then, he recited the story of the black women (not sure of how this is really relevant) who said that she will be 5 minutes, came out after 5 minutes and said she will be 5 minutes...you get the jist..in the end it was 20mins. She wanted to go to Gatwick (55miles) and she now only had an hour to her flight and they encountered traffic, fog and breaking the odd speed limit. With 10 mins to go, she made it, but not before a load of tears from her about not making the flight.

So the thought for the day is 'wear headphones or sunglasses if you don't want to hear stories from the cab driver.

I couldn't even be bothered to ask him the 2 standard questions.

1. What time you working till
2. Been doing this long (as he had already told me)

He told me how much he loved his job and how he was his own master and no one was gonna order him about. To which I said, 'Turn left here'...(copyright Jimmy Carr).

Got the flight and landed at 9:30am (Denmark time), didn't see any of the other Deloitte people though it was a full flight. Little worried about that...

Not sure about the breakfast. It was a cheese sandwich which I thought was fine, until I read it closer and it was Brie! In economy as well, what's wrong with Cheddar or Red Leicester? And it had bloody grapes in it as well. Just drank the orange juice and fell asleep.

OMG!!!! Just been confirmed that I'm a tad early for the meeting, and it's actually next Wednesday! Oops.

Changed my flight from this evening to one at 2pm and spent the morning in the Hilton reception area doing emails.

Thought about doing some sightseeing but a bit boring on your own so will just pretend I'm a hotel customer.

Right, think after today, got another story to tell the grandkids! Talk about 'The Journey Home!'

Have a great flight...

A small man called Kawks