18:45 Fast to Chesham
I have to say, hand on my heart, that I'm completely surprised that the doctor didn't sew me back up after the operation.
Boom! And we are off. This morning I didn't know what to make of the great yellow ball in the sky. It certainly has novelty value and long may it continue.
77 days to go. Thats very exciting. thank you for that.
British gas will be increasing prices by £100 in winter. Thank you for that.
Ha ha, I say to myself. Just read a story about a tapas restaurant in London what charged £3.40 for tap water because it was still served in a nice jug! How refreshing! not...
Oh dear. JP Morgan loses £1.2 BILLION after "London whale" takes huge gamble. Wowza. What the hell was the whale thinking!
This chap next to me is having a fun conversation with himself. It's going something like this: "I do not have OCD. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."
Thanks for that.
Before I forget, last weekend I was stuck behind this idiot with chocolate sauce and crushed nuts on his roof doing 15 mph. Bloody Sundae drivers!
Ahem, right I think we should leave it there. Have a wonderful weekend and a lovely sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Friday, 11 May 2012
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
Wednesday 9th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:34 Semi fast to Watford
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. How very are you? Mid week already and all downhill from here.
So this morning, I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, "Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?"
Everybody stared on in horrified silence...
As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
Boom and we are off.
There is an 87 year old man standing near the 'special seat' but the bloke sitting there is pretending he hasn't seen him as he is too busy playing bloody solitaire on his iPhone. Grrr, makes me mad. I mean at least play Angry birds or bowling 3D.
The tube has just pulled into Kings cross and a load of German girls have got on. They seem very excited. Lots of 'ya ya' going on.
"Bankers bonus backed by judges" is today's headline. The 104 bankers are now in line to get £42m. I will let you do the punchline on that one.
Ok formal joke for the day. What do you call Will.i.am when he's surprised?Will.i.never
The German girls left at Baker street and the level of "ya ya" has returned to normal levels again.
I've attached a pic of the penthouse that is for sale in the Shard. Yours for £50m. It says that you will be able to see the North Sea from it. Brilliant, just wait there whilst I go and get the deposit...
Let's end with the business news: 'Clinton Cards enters Administration'.
Thinking of you at this difficult time...
Right folks, battery running low so let's leave it there. Have a great sleep.
A small man called Kawks
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. How very are you? Mid week already and all downhill from here.
So this morning, I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, "Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?"
Everybody stared on in horrified silence...
As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
Boom and we are off.
There is an 87 year old man standing near the 'special seat' but the bloke sitting there is pretending he hasn't seen him as he is too busy playing bloody solitaire on his iPhone. Grrr, makes me mad. I mean at least play Angry birds or bowling 3D.
The tube has just pulled into Kings cross and a load of German girls have got on. They seem very excited. Lots of 'ya ya' going on.
"Bankers bonus backed by judges" is today's headline. The 104 bankers are now in line to get £42m. I will let you do the punchline on that one.
Ok formal joke for the day. What do you call Will.i.am when he's surprised?Will.i.never
The German girls left at Baker street and the level of "ya ya" has returned to normal levels again.
I've attached a pic of the penthouse that is for sale in the Shard. Yours for £50m. It says that you will be able to see the North Sea from it. Brilliant, just wait there whilst I go and get the deposit...
Let's end with the business news: 'Clinton Cards enters Administration'.
Thinking of you at this difficult time...
Right folks, battery running low so let's leave it there. Have a great sleep.
A small man called Kawks
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Tuesday 8th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:07 Fast Chesham
Well hello there people. I hope you had a lovely bank holiday weekend and enjoyed the rain. We went to Lester on Saturday which was nice, especially driving the shiny new car down the M1.
A massive thank you for continuing to read the blog and getting to the 5,000 milestone. I hope for those of you who are facebook buddies, you enjoyed the video rap/poem.
Lets check out the headlines. "Police question man after drowning." Yeah, let's see him tell us who bloody killed him.
Let's check out the real headline. "one last chance for 2012 golden tickets". Well there you go folks, start buying those chocolate bars from Friday.
So over the weekend I did one of those impulse buys on EBay. That's so sweet of you getting something lovely for Preeti I hear you cry. Well what can I say, I'm just an old romantic at heart. Well she is a special lady and thoroughly deserves the "Adonit Jot Pro Stylus" for the iPad. I'm sure she will be even more made up than that time last Christmas when I got her Black Ops. I've attached a pic of her just before I told her the good news...
There is a story about the terrorist's latest tool in their armoury. For someone who is expecting seventy odd virgins you gotta think wearing an underwear bomb is a bit risky...
There is a bloke who looks like 'curly watts' from coronation street on today's tube. What do you reckon? Next to him is that prison guard from Prisoner. See told you, the Met line (especially the fast Chesham service) is the tube that most celebs prefer to use...
We have come to a standstill outside Wembley Park. I was gonna do a joke about the Liverpool fans nicking the copper from the tube cables on Saturday, then thought better not as I'm a Liverpool fan too...
Let's end on thought for the day: Feminism is the belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them...
See you tomorrow and have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Well hello there people. I hope you had a lovely bank holiday weekend and enjoyed the rain. We went to Lester on Saturday which was nice, especially driving the shiny new car down the M1.
A massive thank you for continuing to read the blog and getting to the 5,000 milestone. I hope for those of you who are facebook buddies, you enjoyed the video rap/poem.
Lets check out the headlines. "Police question man after drowning." Yeah, let's see him tell us who bloody killed him.
Let's check out the real headline. "one last chance for 2012 golden tickets". Well there you go folks, start buying those chocolate bars from Friday.
So over the weekend I did one of those impulse buys on EBay. That's so sweet of you getting something lovely for Preeti I hear you cry. Well what can I say, I'm just an old romantic at heart. Well she is a special lady and thoroughly deserves the "Adonit Jot Pro Stylus" for the iPad. I'm sure she will be even more made up than that time last Christmas when I got her Black Ops. I've attached a pic of her just before I told her the good news...
There is a story about the terrorist's latest tool in their armoury. For someone who is expecting seventy odd virgins you gotta think wearing an underwear bomb is a bit risky...
There is a bloke who looks like 'curly watts' from coronation street on today's tube. What do you reckon? Next to him is that prison guard from Prisoner. See told you, the Met line (especially the fast Chesham service) is the tube that most celebs prefer to use...
We have come to a standstill outside Wembley Park. I was gonna do a joke about the Liverpool fans nicking the copper from the tube cables on Saturday, then thought better not as I'm a Liverpool fan too...
Let's end on thought for the day: Feminism is the belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them...
See you tomorrow and have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Friday, 4 May 2012
Friday 4th May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:21 Fast to Chesham
Whoo hoo. I don't know what you think about them, but thank you banks for the extra long weekend! (Technically isn't every Sunday a bank holiday too?)
Going to do stuff in a different order today just to keep it fresh. FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal. Except Winter and Summer...and Autumn.
I'm perched right on the end of a seat cos two blokes are trying to do the splits and taking all the space. Still, I,be sat down and slowing inching my way to being comfortable. Should get there by Harrow at this pace...
Headline is "Boris heads for victory". Hurrah! It didn't say the hurrah bit, that was just me.
There is a heart warming story about will.i.am about using his celebrity to help others less fortunate. I've learnt a fee things about him. His real name was William Adams and he's worth £46m. he is also Cheryl Coles manager...ahh explains the computer voice she uses! He also likes to give his money to worthwhile charities. (see previous sentence).
So last night, I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line. I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...
Right, gonna read up on the Chelsea v Liverpool FA cup final now so let's leave it there. Have a wonderful, extended bank holiday sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Whoo hoo. I don't know what you think about them, but thank you banks for the extra long weekend! (Technically isn't every Sunday a bank holiday too?)
Going to do stuff in a different order today just to keep it fresh. FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal. Except Winter and Summer...and Autumn.
I'm perched right on the end of a seat cos two blokes are trying to do the splits and taking all the space. Still, I,be sat down and slowing inching my way to being comfortable. Should get there by Harrow at this pace...
Headline is "Boris heads for victory". Hurrah! It didn't say the hurrah bit, that was just me.
There is a heart warming story about will.i.am about using his celebrity to help others less fortunate. I've learnt a fee things about him. His real name was William Adams and he's worth £46m. he is also Cheryl Coles manager...ahh explains the computer voice she uses! He also likes to give his money to worthwhile charities. (see previous sentence).
So last night, I saw my neighbour stealing my socks off my washing line. I was going to confront him but I got cold feet...
Right, gonna read up on the Chelsea v Liverpool FA cup final now so let's leave it there. Have a wonderful, extended bank holiday sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Thursday, 3 May 2012
Thursday 3rd May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:22 Semi fast to Watford
Well hello there. Just looked at my viewing stats and we are nearly at the 5,000 views mark! You know what that means right blog readers? Yes that's right, one of my Rap/Poems from me to say thank you! So we are nearly half way to the goal of 10,000 views and then the gig goes live...I've booked out the work auditorium for 12th September 2012 based on some analytics of viewing figures to date!
Everyone on this tube is looking quite happy today and I wonder if that's because Thursday's are now the new Fridays, so no one is going to go into work tomorrow...
Today's headline is "Final polls put Boris in the lead". Well, there you go.
There is also a story about the art painting "The Scream" being sold for £74m. Wowza. It was expected to go for £50m and the new owner is rumoured to be the Qatar royal family.
I'm going to spend the rest of today giving you some extracts from letters written by council tenants:
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
5. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
7. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
8. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
9.This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
10. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
Ahem. I think we should leave it there! Have a lovely sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Well hello there. Just looked at my viewing stats and we are nearly at the 5,000 views mark! You know what that means right blog readers? Yes that's right, one of my Rap/Poems from me to say thank you! So we are nearly half way to the goal of 10,000 views and then the gig goes live...I've booked out the work auditorium for 12th September 2012 based on some analytics of viewing figures to date!
Everyone on this tube is looking quite happy today and I wonder if that's because Thursday's are now the new Fridays, so no one is going to go into work tomorrow...
Today's headline is "Final polls put Boris in the lead". Well, there you go.
There is also a story about the art painting "The Scream" being sold for £74m. Wowza. It was expected to go for £50m and the new owner is rumoured to be the Qatar royal family.
I'm going to spend the rest of today giving you some extracts from letters written by council tenants:
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
5. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
7. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
8. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
9.This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
10. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
Ahem. I think we should leave it there! Have a lovely sleep.
A small man called Kawks.
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Wednesday 2nd May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:51 All stations to Uxbridge
Evening gang. Hope you all had fun today and good to see it didn't rain as this drought is costing me loads of money in sand bags...
Let's crack on with the headlines. "I want a Boris in every city - PM. 2 things about that headline.
1. Will Ken have to change his name to Boris if he wins
2. Who looks after the city in the morning?
There is also a story about the border guards going on strike next Thursday. Hmmm, not sure we will notice.
There are some olympic adverts on this tube. They are providing advice such as "Walking part of your journey may be quicker during the games". Agree with that, if part of the journey is where you normally catch the tube, bus, taxi or water boat previously. Thanks TFL, that's been helpful.
That reminds me, do you tend to put "that's very helpful" on your emails when someone sends you some random stuff so you feel like you need to say something but haven't got a clue what they just said. No? Ahh, just me then...
There are no interesting pictures to take on the tube today, so I've attached the cover to my book, which is available on iTunes if you have an iPad. Thanks to Yee Hung for the drawing, it's fantastic!
There is a story about a new cable car which will let you cross the river at heights of 90 metres. It can transport 10 people at a time. Woah, maybe I'll use that instead of the tube during the Olympics. It cost £60m to build. Great. that's helpful.
Texting damages children's language skills claims Sir Terry Pratchet. Woah nt sure the dude nose wat he's taking bout.
Hey, hey, have you heard about the new way to meet new people, keep up with friends and family, and see what's happening in the world? It's called going outside and getting a bloody life...
Got some sad news for you dear blog reader. I can't believe my best mate, Gavin, has died of severe heartburn.
Gav is gone...
Let's end on thought for the day: I don't understand fast food. I've been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower...
Right that's your lot. Have a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks.
Evening gang. Hope you all had fun today and good to see it didn't rain as this drought is costing me loads of money in sand bags...
Let's crack on with the headlines. "I want a Boris in every city - PM. 2 things about that headline.
1. Will Ken have to change his name to Boris if he wins
2. Who looks after the city in the morning?
There is also a story about the border guards going on strike next Thursday. Hmmm, not sure we will notice.
There are some olympic adverts on this tube. They are providing advice such as "Walking part of your journey may be quicker during the games". Agree with that, if part of the journey is where you normally catch the tube, bus, taxi or water boat previously. Thanks TFL, that's been helpful.
That reminds me, do you tend to put "that's very helpful" on your emails when someone sends you some random stuff so you feel like you need to say something but haven't got a clue what they just said. No? Ahh, just me then...
There are no interesting pictures to take on the tube today, so I've attached the cover to my book, which is available on iTunes if you have an iPad. Thanks to Yee Hung for the drawing, it's fantastic!
There is a story about a new cable car which will let you cross the river at heights of 90 metres. It can transport 10 people at a time. Woah, maybe I'll use that instead of the tube during the Olympics. It cost £60m to build. Great. that's helpful.
Texting damages children's language skills claims Sir Terry Pratchet. Woah nt sure the dude nose wat he's taking bout.
Hey, hey, have you heard about the new way to meet new people, keep up with friends and family, and see what's happening in the world? It's called going outside and getting a bloody life...
Got some sad news for you dear blog reader. I can't believe my best mate, Gavin, has died of severe heartburn.
Gav is gone...
Let's end on thought for the day: I don't understand fast food. I've been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower...
Right that's your lot. Have a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks.
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
Tuesday 1st May 2012 - The Journey Home
18:52 Semi fast to Watford
Good evening folks. The gig at work went well, and some of the audience even pretended to laugh at my jokes. Thanks mum!
So, Roy Hodgson's got the top job I see. To be honest with you my dear blog reader, I think it's a good choice as he got a lot of experience of managing rubbish teams...
Did you see in this morning metro that bit about the artistic flair out there with the 'draw something' app, which is sweeping the nation! I'm thinking of submitting my pic of a unicorn. See below and let me know what you think...and to think back to when my art school teacher said 'you will only ever be good at computers and one liners'...well whose drawing now?...
Sorry came over all emotional there for a sec. Let's move onto the headlines.
"Murdoch unf". Actually I can't be bothered, looks boring...
So, at lunchtime I walked down to Robert Dyas (the one on Fleet Street).
"Excuse me," I asked, "Have you got any 6" screws?".
"Only what we've got on the shelf," replied the cashier pointing.
I don't know why he's selling these, I thought to myself as I unscrewed them and the shelf fell down...
Thought for the day: Never give money to a hospital. They'll probably spend it on drugs.
Woah, check out the pic I've just taken. There is a dude sitting on another dudes knee. And that Met line is why you need more seats on the new (rubbish) train. I'm not even sure they know each other, but a mans gotta do, what a mans gotta do.
I was on the Flixter app at lunchtime looking at what's being released in the Cinemas at the moment. That film about Gypsies looks shite... Believe me, I've just seen the trailer...
There is an article today about London being named the best place to visit on the Planet! Wow who did they ask? the London Tourism board? Ah, it was based on TripAdvisor. Well done London. Well bloody done. Not sure I can type much more as I've got a tear in my eye...
Hey good news to share. I sold the Lexus in the local newspaper today. The bloke that bought it spent 3 hours unwrapping it...
Right, that's enough nonsense for one day, let's leave it there. Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
Good evening folks. The gig at work went well, and some of the audience even pretended to laugh at my jokes. Thanks mum!
So, Roy Hodgson's got the top job I see. To be honest with you my dear blog reader, I think it's a good choice as he got a lot of experience of managing rubbish teams...
Did you see in this morning metro that bit about the artistic flair out there with the 'draw something' app, which is sweeping the nation! I'm thinking of submitting my pic of a unicorn. See below and let me know what you think...and to think back to when my art school teacher said 'you will only ever be good at computers and one liners'...well whose drawing now?...
Sorry came over all emotional there for a sec. Let's move onto the headlines.
"Murdoch unf". Actually I can't be bothered, looks boring...
So, at lunchtime I walked down to Robert Dyas (the one on Fleet Street).
"Excuse me," I asked, "Have you got any 6" screws?".
"Only what we've got on the shelf," replied the cashier pointing.
I don't know why he's selling these, I thought to myself as I unscrewed them and the shelf fell down...
Thought for the day: Never give money to a hospital. They'll probably spend it on drugs.
Woah, check out the pic I've just taken. There is a dude sitting on another dudes knee. And that Met line is why you need more seats on the new (rubbish) train. I'm not even sure they know each other, but a mans gotta do, what a mans gotta do.
I was on the Flixter app at lunchtime looking at what's being released in the Cinemas at the moment. That film about Gypsies looks shite... Believe me, I've just seen the trailer...
There is an article today about London being named the best place to visit on the Planet! Wow who did they ask? the London Tourism board? Ah, it was based on TripAdvisor. Well done London. Well bloody done. Not sure I can type much more as I've got a tear in my eye...
Hey good news to share. I sold the Lexus in the local newspaper today. The bloke that bought it spent 3 hours unwrapping it...
Right, that's enough nonsense for one day, let's leave it there. Have a great sleep!
A small man called Kawks
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