18:19 All stations to Uxbridge
Happy Leap Year! Whoo hoo. Well that's what I thought until someone told me that today I had worked for nothing as your salary is based on a standard 365 days, rather than 366. Can you tell I work with Analytics folk...
Apologies for the no show yesterday. the funny thing was that I had one of my highest daily views of the blog (56). More than when I actually post a new blog. Lool as Rajvi would say.
Yesterday I didn't get home till midnight as I went to a work dinner. So didn't fancy tapping away on the blog on the tube with the yoofs looking at me. Wonder if it was the pinstriped suit I was wearing. I engaged in conversation with them ( attack better than defence and all that) and I think they were most impressed with my street language. I said their hoodies were 'Ream' and when they were moaning about the state of the tidiness of the tube I said 'Peak' and again they seem to acknowledge that I was 'safe'. Just as well as those are the only 2 words that Rajvi has taught me...
So I'm more tightly packed on this tube than you would have 'mushrooms' in a curry but I have to keep my 56 daily readers happy and typing this with nose squashed against the door. ...peak.
Went to Subway for lunch today as I heard they have a good offer. They weren't joking! It said choose between 9 subs and a drink for £3. Well that was easy..I chose the 9 subs...
Just using my toes to see if I can turn the paper to see today's headlines.
"Britons target of 7/7 bombers widow. Errr..harram. This is the story of the widow of one of the bombers following in her husbands footsteps. Probably all that was left of him I guess...
Thought for the day: What is it about waking up that babies find so traumatic?
And with that, let's call it a day. Hope to see you tomorrow!
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Monday, 27 February 2012
Monday 27th January 2012 - The Journey Home
20:12 All stations to Rayners Lane
Well hello there. I trust you had lovely Mondays. What a start this morning. I especially woke up a whole 30 (THIRTY) minutes early today as I needed to work on my jokes for a work presentation (which I've just come from hence why this blog is late). So we all got kicked off at Baker Street, but being a seasoned traveller, I already had Plan B ready which was use the Hammersmith and City line which they then announced was also closed as a train had got Ill at Kings Cross. Cross..I was livid. Ok Plan C was to hop step to Jubilee and then swap at Bond Street to the central line to Chancery Lane. (can you tell there are no newspapers and I'm padding yet?)
Anywhoos, that was an epic fail as the jubilee line was stuck as someone had pulled the alarm ahead and there was also a train stuck on the central line. This is all a long way of saying that I arrived at work at 9.30, 30 minutes later than planned. Moral of the story...practice your jokes the night before...
Ok nicely got to Acton Town with that chat. Lets see what's going on?
3 people are having a nice Russian conversation and laughing a lot. None of them are wearing Russian fur hats or holding those Russian dolls, but being an international traveller, the dialect is subtle and to the layman easily confused with Polish, Khazak or Belarus. Impressive Kawks I hear you say. Lets just say years of forensic training and knowing that the devil is in the detail. That and the "I didn't vote for Putin T- shirts..."
Ooo ooo, bagged my self a bargain at lunchtime on Fleet Street today. This bloke was selling the audio book for The Artist which I believe won an Oscar last night, for £20. Bargain...can't wait to hear the dialogue..
Just reading the paper over someone's shoulder and I see that the Government has announced radical new plans to cut the length of the dole queues. It says that they are going to make people stand closer together.
Right, let's leave it there as its late and I need to hide my iPhone.
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Well hello there. I trust you had lovely Mondays. What a start this morning. I especially woke up a whole 30 (THIRTY) minutes early today as I needed to work on my jokes for a work presentation (which I've just come from hence why this blog is late). So we all got kicked off at Baker Street, but being a seasoned traveller, I already had Plan B ready which was use the Hammersmith and City line which they then announced was also closed as a train had got Ill at Kings Cross. Cross..I was livid. Ok Plan C was to hop step to Jubilee and then swap at Bond Street to the central line to Chancery Lane. (can you tell there are no newspapers and I'm padding yet?)
Anywhoos, that was an epic fail as the jubilee line was stuck as someone had pulled the alarm ahead and there was also a train stuck on the central line. This is all a long way of saying that I arrived at work at 9.30, 30 minutes later than planned. Moral of the story...practice your jokes the night before...
Ok nicely got to Acton Town with that chat. Lets see what's going on?
3 people are having a nice Russian conversation and laughing a lot. None of them are wearing Russian fur hats or holding those Russian dolls, but being an international traveller, the dialect is subtle and to the layman easily confused with Polish, Khazak or Belarus. Impressive Kawks I hear you say. Lets just say years of forensic training and knowing that the devil is in the detail. That and the "I didn't vote for Putin T- shirts..."
Ooo ooo, bagged my self a bargain at lunchtime on Fleet Street today. This bloke was selling the audio book for The Artist which I believe won an Oscar last night, for £20. Bargain...can't wait to hear the dialogue..
Just reading the paper over someone's shoulder and I see that the Government has announced radical new plans to cut the length of the dole queues. It says that they are going to make people stand closer together.
Right, let's leave it there as its late and I need to hide my iPhone.
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Friday, 24 February 2012
Friday 24th February 2012 - The Journey Home
18:13 All stations to Uxbridge
Yayyeee, and Houston we have landed. The weekend has begun and it's smiles all round on the met line. I'm having a little dance on the fun fair bit on the new (rubbish) train to mark this momentous moment.
There is a yoof on the tube who thinks they are the business. Hoodie, check, big oversized cap over the hood, check,attitude face, check. You will love this. He is far to cool to listen to 'raster clart bad music (drum and bass) with something as traditional as headphones. Oh no, he is blasting it through his phone speaker! Brilliant!
Everyone is tutting but obviously not making eye contact just in case he has a knife or something. He just looked at me as he's seen I'm busy tapping away and I've given him the 'Kawks smile' and nod to say - mate go for it, this is filling up my blog nicely.
I very nearly decided not to do the blog today as I thought I'd read a library book I got last week called 'Fort Knox', but I can't seem to get into it...
Right, back to the agenda.
Today's headline is "Battersea power station: new sale" woah, offers in the region of £500m. The agent says its as iconic as the Eiffel tower, Big Ben and the London eye. Hmm, funny that...Being Indian, I might try putting in a cheeky offer of £147500. It's got to be worth that in bricks alone, though may need to do a few trips taking them to the scrapyard in my Lexus.
Question of the day: What's the opposite of realise? Glass eyes...
Right, back to dancing to the yoof's music..
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Yayyeee, and Houston we have landed. The weekend has begun and it's smiles all round on the met line. I'm having a little dance on the fun fair bit on the new (rubbish) train to mark this momentous moment.
There is a yoof on the tube who thinks they are the business. Hoodie, check, big oversized cap over the hood, check,attitude face, check. You will love this. He is far to cool to listen to 'raster clart bad music (drum and bass) with something as traditional as headphones. Oh no, he is blasting it through his phone speaker! Brilliant!
Everyone is tutting but obviously not making eye contact just in case he has a knife or something. He just looked at me as he's seen I'm busy tapping away and I've given him the 'Kawks smile' and nod to say - mate go for it, this is filling up my blog nicely.
I very nearly decided not to do the blog today as I thought I'd read a library book I got last week called 'Fort Knox', but I can't seem to get into it...
Right, back to the agenda.
Today's headline is "Battersea power station: new sale" woah, offers in the region of £500m. The agent says its as iconic as the Eiffel tower, Big Ben and the London eye. Hmm, funny that...Being Indian, I might try putting in a cheeky offer of £147500. It's got to be worth that in bricks alone, though may need to do a few trips taking them to the scrapyard in my Lexus.
Question of the day: What's the opposite of realise? Glass eyes...
Right, back to dancing to the yoof's music..
Have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Thursday 23rd February 2012 - The journey home
18:00 All stations to Uxbridge
Currently squashed like a sardine with 36 people in my bit. It's obviously parents day or something!
Left work at a bit more of a sensible time today but knackered as was in back to back meetings since 9am.
Advert is good old "are you sitting comfortably.." are they taking the piss! Ah.. It's that bladder one again. Reckon I'm gonna have to stand till Sakoni's.
Last night, this chap knocked on our door asking if there were any odd jobs that needed doing? So I made him shave a squirrel...
Thought for the day as we haven't had one for a while: Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries...
Let's check out today's headline. "MP goes berserk in bar brawl at commons"
Woah. Why the long face time! It says he was ex army and head butted a fellow MP as well as hit 3 other MP's.
Not so happy about us looking at your expenses perhaps?
There is also a story about a senior department of health lawyer who is alleged to have treated her Indian maid as a slave and took her passport so she couldn't leave. Wow, that's shocking. She had a passport...
Got a seat at Finchley road. Thanks for asking.
Ok one final observation. Everyone is fed up of hearing about Greece. We're all losing interest...
Right, time to dash so have a great dinner and a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Currently squashed like a sardine with 36 people in my bit. It's obviously parents day or something!
Left work at a bit more of a sensible time today but knackered as was in back to back meetings since 9am.
Advert is good old "are you sitting comfortably.." are they taking the piss! Ah.. It's that bladder one again. Reckon I'm gonna have to stand till Sakoni's.
Last night, this chap knocked on our door asking if there were any odd jobs that needed doing? So I made him shave a squirrel...
Thought for the day as we haven't had one for a while: Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries...
Let's check out today's headline. "MP goes berserk in bar brawl at commons"
Woah. Why the long face time! It says he was ex army and head butted a fellow MP as well as hit 3 other MP's.
Not so happy about us looking at your expenses perhaps?
There is also a story about a senior department of health lawyer who is alleged to have treated her Indian maid as a slave and took her passport so she couldn't leave. Wow, that's shocking. She had a passport...
Got a seat at Finchley road. Thanks for asking.
Ok one final observation. Everyone is fed up of hearing about Greece. We're all losing interest...
Right, time to dash so have a great dinner and a lovely sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Wednesday 22nd February 2012 - The journey home
21:28 All stations to Uxbridge
Yes gang, you read that right..9:28 And still only at Farringdon. Had a dinner event at work, though told Preeti I was working hard at my desk. I also hinted that I've been working late recently as I'm actually having an affair. She couldn't stop laughing...
Sorry for the late blog peeps, I know we have a schedule to keep but there we are. So what's going on. I hope you had a great pancake day yesterday.
Preeti said I should get some stuff for the pancakes yesterday, but was a bit surprised when I turned up with a push up bra...sorry bit rude but we are past the watershed hour.
I'm not saying that the people on this train look tired, but the bloke opposite me is holding his book upside down.
Today's headline is "brave marie killed in Syria siege" oh dear. It says that 10 rockets hit the press centre.
There is also an announcement that the mall will be closed for 3 months for the jubilee and the Olympics. Err how's
The queen gonna go anywhere?...
Listening to two women having a chat. One of them said she has just come back from her dad 97th birthday party. The other one said 'really, what's his secret' to which she has just replied: "he was born a long time ago"....brilliant! Must catch this late tube more often.
Did you all watch the Brits yesterday? Man how rubbish and long was that speech from Blur. As I've just said to Rani...less is more on these occasions
Adele only got 12 secs bless..still that anger will be used to help write her next album I'm sure.
Right, feeling like a nap now, so have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Yes gang, you read that right..9:28 And still only at Farringdon. Had a dinner event at work, though told Preeti I was working hard at my desk. I also hinted that I've been working late recently as I'm actually having an affair. She couldn't stop laughing...
Sorry for the late blog peeps, I know we have a schedule to keep but there we are. So what's going on. I hope you had a great pancake day yesterday.
Preeti said I should get some stuff for the pancakes yesterday, but was a bit surprised when I turned up with a push up bra...sorry bit rude but we are past the watershed hour.
I'm not saying that the people on this train look tired, but the bloke opposite me is holding his book upside down.
Today's headline is "brave marie killed in Syria siege" oh dear. It says that 10 rockets hit the press centre.
There is also an announcement that the mall will be closed for 3 months for the jubilee and the Olympics. Err how's
The queen gonna go anywhere?...
Listening to two women having a chat. One of them said she has just come back from her dad 97th birthday party. The other one said 'really, what's his secret' to which she has just replied: "he was born a long time ago"....brilliant! Must catch this late tube more often.
Did you all watch the Brits yesterday? Man how rubbish and long was that speech from Blur. As I've just said to Rani...less is more on these occasions
Adele only got 12 secs bless..still that anger will be used to help write her next album I'm sure.
Right, feeling like a nap now, so have a great sleep,
A small man called Kawks
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Tuesday 21st February 2012 - The Journey Home
18:35 All stations to Uxbridge
Evening all. Another crazy day at work and had a good external audience to try out my jokes. OK, so they may have been heads of their departments in their FTSE 100 companies, but everyone likes a joke right?
Let's see if they let me back into the building tomorrow!
Ok, let's get cracking. I hope you all picked up on my tip yesterday and watched "The Tube" yesterday on the Beeb at 9pm. How interesting was that. And to feature HOH station as well. Well it doesn't get any better than that. I kept looking for a shiny head with a muchi but alas I didn't see myself. Won't stop me rerunning it again just to make sure!
The thing that was most interesting (sad) was that people generally don't care! Ok so someone's been stabbed, dead going up and down the escalator, but the most important thing is 'how am I going to get home now! Tut tut peeps. Tut tut.
Headline today is "vote fraud fears are exposed in run up to mayor poll" Wowza. It says that some flats seemed to have registered up to 8 people PER BEDROOM. Woah, I was gonna do a chinese joke there but thought better of it...
So last week I got a +1 to a wedding invite from a work colleague yet they seemed surprised & annoyed when I turned up an hour after everyone else...
Today's advert is an advert to say you should have an advert. It's from CBS outdoor. Catchy tag line (not) of Outdoor by name, outdoor by nature. How rubbish is that! And why are they advertising indoors? Fail..
OMG, just realised that it's Pancake day today. That crepe'd up on me...
Ok, let's leave it there. Have a lovely 'plain dhosa' sleep.
A small man called Kawks
Evening all. Another crazy day at work and had a good external audience to try out my jokes. OK, so they may have been heads of their departments in their FTSE 100 companies, but everyone likes a joke right?
Let's see if they let me back into the building tomorrow!
Ok, let's get cracking. I hope you all picked up on my tip yesterday and watched "The Tube" yesterday on the Beeb at 9pm. How interesting was that. And to feature HOH station as well. Well it doesn't get any better than that. I kept looking for a shiny head with a muchi but alas I didn't see myself. Won't stop me rerunning it again just to make sure!
The thing that was most interesting (sad) was that people generally don't care! Ok so someone's been stabbed, dead going up and down the escalator, but the most important thing is 'how am I going to get home now! Tut tut peeps. Tut tut.
Headline today is "vote fraud fears are exposed in run up to mayor poll" Wowza. It says that some flats seemed to have registered up to 8 people PER BEDROOM. Woah, I was gonna do a chinese joke there but thought better of it...
So last week I got a +1 to a wedding invite from a work colleague yet they seemed surprised & annoyed when I turned up an hour after everyone else...
Today's advert is an advert to say you should have an advert. It's from CBS outdoor. Catchy tag line (not) of Outdoor by name, outdoor by nature. How rubbish is that! And why are they advertising indoors? Fail..
OMG, just realised that it's Pancake day today. That crepe'd up on me...
Ok, let's leave it there. Have a lovely 'plain dhosa' sleep.
A small man called Kawks
Monday, 20 February 2012
Monday 20th February 2012 - The Journey Home
18:09 All stations to North Action
Well hello there! How are we all and I hope you all had wonderful weekends and a good start to the week.
As you can tell, I'm sounding a bit different today as I've just come back from a work do at the Olympic Village where we (the firm) has a house overlooking the stadium. It all looks really amazing. We were given a tour of the roof top terrace and they have the SAME track (well about 20 yards of it) as the athletes will be running round in July and August. Wowza. I obviously had a go on it and let's just say they are seeing if they can shoe horn me into team GB. They told us some great facts and figures about the games, but the one etched in my brain is that they had to procure 100,000 condoms for the athletes. Double Wowza.
The new Westfield (Straford City) looks impressive and I'm thinking of bringing Preeti and Rajvi here next weekend. Especially as I saw that not only do they have a Primark, but also a GREGGS! Woopidoo
Sorry for the break in concentration but a massive dog (the one in Turner and Hooch) has just got on and is looking at me. Ok, he getting off at St Paul's so we can continue.
Today was certainly like one of those 'A day in the life' episodes. This morning I had a film crew who shot some video of me talking about my job for a global work conference in Barcelona (hope you said that with an accent), followed by a number of meetings with some very senior peeps and then topped off with this event!
This is where I thank my parents for letting me join the Judgemeadow Computer club when I was 13 and start the journey to what I do now.
Ok, so we are doing nicely on the Central line and I've let Preeti know about the change in tube line so she can pick me up at Northolt.
Ok, let's check out the headlines. "million get head-start' in Olympics ticket race. Wow..and how timely!
Ok, it's about the 1m people that missed out first time round. Nice, bet only the dreggs are left now I have my table tennis tickets!
Oo oo, another interesting fact I learnt is that 5,000 tons of sand will be used for the beach volleyball competition. That's a lot of trips to and from B&Q...
There is also a story about tomorrow being the last day for the Chelsea manager.
Ok, now this is interesting and looks like a must watch. Today in BBC2, no idea what time, is a documentary about the day to day life working on the tubes!!! It says you will learn what they mean when they say "Can a cleaner attend to a Code 1 (blood) to the other 5 codes (poops to vomit to litter).
One of the lines in the programme will be "I do apologise for the short notice for the cancellation of this train. This was due to, er, significant vomit in the carriages.
Ok, that's it for this Top Gear special, time to work out when to ring Preeti,
Have a great Olympic sleep,
A small man called Kawks
P.S that tube program is on at 9pm and is a series of 6. Series link it now!...
Well hello there! How are we all and I hope you all had wonderful weekends and a good start to the week.
As you can tell, I'm sounding a bit different today as I've just come back from a work do at the Olympic Village where we (the firm) has a house overlooking the stadium. It all looks really amazing. We were given a tour of the roof top terrace and they have the SAME track (well about 20 yards of it) as the athletes will be running round in July and August. Wowza. I obviously had a go on it and let's just say they are seeing if they can shoe horn me into team GB. They told us some great facts and figures about the games, but the one etched in my brain is that they had to procure 100,000 condoms for the athletes. Double Wowza.
The new Westfield (Straford City) looks impressive and I'm thinking of bringing Preeti and Rajvi here next weekend. Especially as I saw that not only do they have a Primark, but also a GREGGS! Woopidoo
Sorry for the break in concentration but a massive dog (the one in Turner and Hooch) has just got on and is looking at me. Ok, he getting off at St Paul's so we can continue.
Today was certainly like one of those 'A day in the life' episodes. This morning I had a film crew who shot some video of me talking about my job for a global work conference in Barcelona (hope you said that with an accent), followed by a number of meetings with some very senior peeps and then topped off with this event!
This is where I thank my parents for letting me join the Judgemeadow Computer club when I was 13 and start the journey to what I do now.
Ok, so we are doing nicely on the Central line and I've let Preeti know about the change in tube line so she can pick me up at Northolt.
Ok, let's check out the headlines. "million get head-start' in Olympics ticket race. Wow..and how timely!
Ok, it's about the 1m people that missed out first time round. Nice, bet only the dreggs are left now I have my table tennis tickets!
Oo oo, another interesting fact I learnt is that 5,000 tons of sand will be used for the beach volleyball competition. That's a lot of trips to and from B&Q...
There is also a story about tomorrow being the last day for the Chelsea manager.
Ok, now this is interesting and looks like a must watch. Today in BBC2, no idea what time, is a documentary about the day to day life working on the tubes!!! It says you will learn what they mean when they say "Can a cleaner attend to a Code 1 (blood) to the other 5 codes (poops to vomit to litter).
One of the lines in the programme will be "I do apologise for the short notice for the cancellation of this train. This was due to, er, significant vomit in the carriages.
Ok, that's it for this Top Gear special, time to work out when to ring Preeti,
Have a great Olympic sleep,
A small man called Kawks
P.S that tube program is on at 9pm and is a series of 6. Series link it now!...
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