Got anything new to report? - Min's Minute Update. Friday 5th April 2013

Well hello there! Thank you so much for the 14 likes and hundreds of cards and flowers for last weeks blog. Mum you are the greatest! Reached my 1,000th LinkedIn contact this week, so great to see OVER 1% of my contacts enjoyed last weeks musings. Lets try for 1.5% this week. Little steps as my mum used to say (Being 5ft 2", it was always going to be).

Lets crack on with the show:

Gadget: Robomop Robot Floor Cleaner. As a bit of a contingency for if Preeti ever decided to leave me, I brought her this robot cleaner for Christmas. Obviously you can't put a price on happiness (or cleanliness), but £34.99 seemed to be around the right ball park seeing as it was coming out of our joint bank account.
Having had the robot (I've named it Rho Bhatt) for a few months now, It's safe to say that it has performed admirably. It's like we have a new pet in the house (though Lucky, you will always be in our hearts). It's essentially like one of those hamster balls and a bit of cloth on the bottom (sorry for the technical phase folks ), but it picks up the dirt, can get under the sofas and if it bumps into anything, it remembers and tries again later. Comes with rechargeable batteries and you can set it to clean for up to 2hrs! The best bit is that it makes this gruffing noise whilst it cleans which is quite cute. Min Marks out of 10....8.5

App: Facestealer. Ever wanted to look like Barrack Obama or the Mona Lisa? Well here is your chance. Yes folks, before you ask, it's free and will keep you amused for at least 5 minutes. It comes with a load of templates, and the best bit is that it uses the camera to augment the selected character onto your face. It's dynamic too so will update if you move your face. You can even download an image and turn into who ever you like. I tried Michael Jackson but that just looked strange and that's before I used the app..boom! Min Marks out of 10...6

Joke: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyonce...

Ahem! Right that's your lot! Have a great sleep and if we get that 1.5% target, I'll do another one in a weeks time.

A small man called Min

Got anything new to report? - Min's Minute Update. Friday 29th March 2013

Well hello there! Welcome to my first technology blog! As anyone who knows me, I do like my gadgets, gizmos and jokes, and therefore I thought I would start jotting down some thoughts regarding the wonderful tech that I'm using or seeing is right around the corner.

GADGET: Phillips Hue Lights: OK, so I finally got the business case approved by the Mrs and finally ordered these last week and have been playing with them the last few days! For those who haven't heard of them, they are LED lights that you can control with your phone and connects to your router. Cool huh! You can change them any one of a million colours, control them from anywhere in the world, and even have them create a sunset scene using multiple bulbs. The business case I hear you say? Well apparently each bulb lasts 15,000 hours and when dimmed only used 2 watts of electricity. Just as we'll really as most of the energy in our house is needed for our 65" Samsung TV! Ying Yang huh. The starter kit comes with 3 bulbs and the bit that connects to your router and costs £180. Currently available only from the Apple Store. Min Marks out of 10? 7 as the free app it comes with is a bit flaky, but still high marks as its cool tech and The mother in law hasn't come back since 'the ghosts' have mysteriously starting turning the lights to blood red...Money well spent my friend..money well spent!


App: MAYDAY. Ever wanted to be the hero and save the day? This game, which I played all last week on the Met Line from Rayners to Farringdon is quite addictive (and its free!, and for anyone who knows me, free is what I like!). The game involves flying an airliner during its final assent to the runway. You have to keep your nerve, and make sure you be as gentle as possible, do the flaps, gear and be gentle as possible as otherwise folks, people die, and we don't want that. No pressure folks, no pressure!

Joke: Mrs Mrs is leaving me because I spend too much time down the pub. I personally don't know where she's getting that from but that's the rumour down the the Red Lion...

Tuesday 13th November - The Journey Home

18:26. All stations to Uxbridge

Hello hello, and a massive happy Diwali to you all! Hope you are all having delightful days and looking forward to the New Year. I'm going to work tomorrow as we don't have a kitchen, but it is coming...honest.

So long time people, but yes here we are. The muchi has come back and nearly back to normal. Preeti wasn't keen on me looking SO MUCH younger than her, and people stopping us in the street to ask how old 'her son' was...

Tube is busy for a Diwali day, so standing up at the mo...

Don't know about you guys but we have stopped doing Diwali cards now, just do FB and txt. It's so much easier (cheaper)...thinking of culling my friends list again to just people that liked my Diwali status. No pressure peeps...no pressure.

Yesterday I took the day off to go to a funeral of one of the neighbours who died when he was hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a great service...

Lets have a look to see what we have today...

Nothing much to report, quite normal looking people today. A lady has got on at Baker Street with a Hamleys 'The finest toy shop in the world' bag. Can't make out what it is yet, but will keep you informed.

There is also a lady who is about 7 foot tall, has similar red shoes to those worn by Dorothy in the WIzard of Oz. Will let you know if she clicks them together...

What else...

Oh yeah, my Doctor gave me some bad news last week. He said I had ADH-something or other, I wasn't really listening...

Went to see Skyfall with Preeti and Rajvi on Saturday and we went to the 9pm showing. What can I say (spoiler alert)... It was ok, but not how I remember chicken licken as a child. seriously it's good, lots of action, one liners and London looks lovely. Goes on a bit though that could be seen as value for money...shame Bond dies in the end...

At Finchley road and the tube gets a bit emptier...

Headline today is 'Sailor's plot to betray Britain'...err harram. This is the story of a chap who tried to pass nuclear codes to Russians..who were really just MI5. Did he not watch bond movies??

Also a story about Abdul Qatada...hmm should have tried harder...

And with that, lets call it a day...ahem.

Have a lovely Diwali sleep,

A small man called Kawks.

Tuesday 30th October 2012 - The Journey Home

18:26 All stations to Uxbridge

Long time, long time people, but yes, felt like doing a little blog today.

It's like nothing has changed! Tube is packed and I'm balancing under someone armpit. Nice...

So, where to start? Probably with the bloke with shit headphones next to me who is playing some clubby type music. Doesn't he know this is the Met line and we only play bhajans?

Apologies for the swear word there folks but I can't stand people that use alternative words to avoid offending others. It gets right on my mammary glands...

Headline today is about the storm in New York. Looks like Christmas has started early there as I can see some trees in the shops. Boom, we are back!

What if that Gangnam Style was actually a giant rain dance and they brought this hurricane on themselves?

Missed me huh...ahhh

There is an advert on the tube about 'the new king of the ereaders' something called Nook! Woah never heard of it, maybe it's been hiding in a cranny?.. Has anyone even seen a cranny?

Had an exciting day at work today and my boss called me into his office and said, "I've noticed you nodding off during team meetings recently. Are you getting enough sleep?""Not really, the meetings are a lot shorter these days..."

Fantastic, the train has now changed destination from Uxbridge to HoH. Great...definitely wearing big coat tomorrow...

There is a bloke opposite who is not amused either. He is rolling his eyes and doing large intakes of breath at hearing this news. Well it's either that or he's about to give birth...

In the paper, there is a story about introducing a £2 toll to drive through the Blackwall Tunnel. Thanks but I'd rather buy a EuroMillions ticket...

Thought for the day: If you think you aren't creative...buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it...

So yes, I know I haven't been doing daily blogs recently but you can blame iplayer. I've been using the journey to watch random bbc programs. Can recommend 'welcome to India'! It's also good for Dragons Den, though I just listen to that so I don't get scared by Theo and that ladyman.

And with that my dear blog reader, I'm out...

Have a great sleep and keep liking those random sad Facebook updates as they are helping show god what a decent person you really are, and we can divert all the research being put into cancer cures and just invest in Facebook likes...

A small man called Kawks

Thursday 11th October 2012 - The Journey Home

18:31 All stations to Uxbridge

Evening all! Woah, it's a bit wet and I bashed a few people with my brolley on the way to Farringdon station. Man, there knees must be sore...


2 blokes are discussing how rubbish the new guy is. They are using swear words and everything. I'm ticking off the bullshit bingo off the list as we seal and in the last minute we have had 'textbook monkey', 'arse from elbow' and 'don't get me wrong'. Wonder if they can get a full house with 'Some of my best friends are black'...

Man, these guys just need to think outside the box...perhaps some bluesy thinking would help. I may suggest this to them (offline)...

Ok, what else

So last night, a bloke rang me up and said, "We've got Preeti held hostage. £50k or you'll never get her back."I said, "Go on then, I'll take the £50k..."

Boom. Only kidding my dear blog reader...he only offered £45k...

Headline today is that gas prices are going up, even though British Gas made £1.5bn profit in the first 6 months. Woah, that's money for hot air...

Ooh. News to share. I've finally saved enough money to send Rajvi to college. Only on the bus though, not in a taxi...

Today tube advert is "Help Your Self", by keeping your home locked up and your valuables hidden from burglars...damn, that's where I was going wrong...

More words to share from my 2 moaning friends 'plug and play right!'
'Burnt her bridges', and 'its not a vanilla playing field'. I like that last one, gonna try and use that one tomorrow...

"I escalated Tom's email back to Tom. "Woah,that one is just mind games...

This lady in pugg shoes is reading a tiny book which is half the size of my iPhone (5) called Fortress Muslim.

Hmm not sure if it's legit, as she is reading it from front to back...

There is a man who looks to have had a hard day at work, judging by the fact that his head is bending all the way to his knees...

The Jimmy Saville story is still front line news. Here's a thought, Woman around 40 years of age please come forward if Jimmy Savile didn't molest you. It would be much easier that way...

"If we are still doing business analysis, then we are in trouble"...'it's gonna be a piece of piss', 'it's all Bout the long game' and 'I don't want you to have an opinion'

Ahem, well I hope you've leant loads there, all part of the service...

And remember kids, be careful out there, it's not a vanilla playing field...

Have a great sleep

A small man called Kawks

Monday 8th October 2012 - The Journey Home

18:40 All stations to Uxbridge

Well hello there! I trust you all had delightful weekends

So, today I received my new work phone. yes folks a lovely iPhone 5!

Have a great sleep...

What you want more, but I've got a new toy to play with! Oh ok, let's have a look to see what's going on.

Well, I've managed to get a seat, so that's good.

'BBC U turn over Saville sex probe'. Now then now then now then...harram

I was listening to Five Live this morning and there was an interesting debate about people who were unemployed but having large families having their benefit cut, rather than the state supporting them. Hmm not sure about that to be honest with you my dear blog reader. I mean, where are we gonna find the X Factor contestants from now?

What else...

There is a woman opposite me who has a nose the size of a red pepper. I was gonna take a pic, but can't get the camera far back enough. Nice...

Looking in the business section and I see that JJB Sports has gone into liquidation - I guess that leaves Primark with the monopoly on Liverpool fashion then...

That reminds me! Preeti turned to me yesterday and said, 'Honey, look. I haven't worn this in 15 years and it still fits.' I said, 'Errr, It's a scarf...'

The train is heaving today. Mostly with women. Wonder what's going on?

Oh no, just read that the plans for driverless trains for the tube have been ruled out for at least a decade amid fears over jobs and safety. Oh we'll, I'll still be doing this commute for a while longer...

Cheryl's got 3 stars out of 5 for her concert at the O2 by the paper. It talks about how she leaps 20ft during 'Sexy Den a Mutha'. Ok Cheryl we might need to speak about spellcheck at some point.

It says the performance felt a bit limp as there was no band, she sang ok and dancing was slick. Well if you went to listen to her sing, I think my dear MoFo reader you are kinda missing the point...

All the women have left at Wembley Park. wonder if Arsenal ladies are playing or there is some national bake competition. Only kidding ladies, just trying to wind you up...

Ok, I need to practice what I can say to SIRI so lets leave it there!

Have a great iNap.

A small man called Kawks

2nd October 2012 - The Journey Home

18:34 Semi Fast to Watford

Hey peeps, I trust you had a lovely day at work today. My nose has dribbled for most of it, but hey ho that's not really cutting it at work. Well Sir Alex Ferguson suggested I use my feet instead...

Ok, done my good deed for the day and let some olds take my seat. So that should be odds on for me to be reincarted as a Brahmin again...

So what's all this news about Jimmie Saville...oh dear...

Fact of the day: Weighing an elephant is just like weighing a human. But on a much bigger scale...

So last night, I could see Preeti had a face on her so I reluctantly asked what was up. "Oh my god!" she said. "You definitely don't want to hear about the day I've had." "Thanks, love," I replied. "I'm off for a bath."...

There is a man with posh headphones next to me. They are proudly displaying that they are model PXC 310. Nice...

You know you are a real geek if you thought, hmm I'll google that and see what make they are...

The dude is obviously into his stuff as he shirt says "Est 1938". And it looks good for something that old. Before you say it, yep he is reading the Guardian (international section) on his IPad 3...


What else...

Woah, there is a story in today's Evening Standard about the reason why Justin Bieber vomited on stage during his concert? Apparently, his earplugs fell out...

Boom...

There is a women to my left reading "fifty shades freed". Err...harram...

On my right is a man who looks be be approximately 29 reading "hunger games"...nice.

I'm peeking at 'the Book' but can't make out any rude bits yet...damn...

A lady opposite seems to have a rather posh bag with MK on it. No people, it's not short for Milton Keynes but some bloke called Michael Kors.. Neat

Right, time to blow my nose so lets leave it there!

Have a great sleep!

A small man called Kawks...